"Jen's Addiction's" SPN RPS. J2. R. Part Four...Seperate J2 POV's.
"...felt so lonely in your company but that was love and it's an ache I still remember." ~Gotye
Jared had finally made it home and he was still shaking. When he’d gotten the phone call from hell he’d been shocked enough to stop breathing for a minute there. He’d let the phone drop from his hands onto the floor with a clatter. He knew that Jensen had been getting worse and worse with each season they shot. The liquor on his breath getting more distinctive depending on who he was shooting scenes with. From what Misha & Jim said they hadn’t noticed anything coming from the man. Although they’d mentioned that afterwards if it had been a long shoot Jensen would get the shakes. And all of them knew it wasn’t just exhaustion that had the man shaking.
Jared knew the signs of long term alcohol usage, he’d seen it in Chad as well as a few family members. Being from Texas you would be accustomed to seeing men drink heavily from an early age. It was always just another excuse to drink and barbeque. Whatever got them through tough days on the ranch or in the office but Jared had wanted no part of it. He’d party hard with his buddies but he’d leave it back at the bar when he got home. There was beer in the fridge but that was it no matter what each of the J(G)en’s wanted.
But Jared had only himself to blame for both of his love’s descent into madness. It was only a paternity test that proved to him that Colton was his. Jensen had only started drinking heavily after Jared left him, this he knew because Chris had beat it into his face one weekend.Gen on the other hand had started out as an appetizer and had only married him under pressure. And she hated him for it. Hated him so much that she laid with others and partied with friends instead of being with him and their son.
It was a good thing their neighbor was willing to watch Colton for the whole day instead of a few hours because Jared needed to decompress or he’d lose it. He’d never been so angry and sad at the same time. He’d wanted to hug him, throttle him, and sob some when he’d seen Jensen coming out of the cells. He hadn’t wanted to scream though so he just walked away no matter how much it hurt. They both deserved to hurt, to have the guilt over this plague them. Jared would never forgive himself for ruining Jensen further but he also couldn’t regret Colton. His marriage he regretted but his son he loved truly.
He knew it didn’t matter to Jensen though, there was no good outcome for him because of this whole situation. They were both stuck though. Divorce was possible he assumed but Jared didn’t want it, not really. Jensen might want to divorce Danni but Jared wouldn’t divorce or leave Gen til she forced him to. He couldn’t do that to Colton, he’d tough it out as long as he could. He had to, especially since Jensen had told him on Jared’s own wedding day that he better be sure because there was no going back. Jensen wouldn’t have him because Jared knew down deep there was no trust or love there other than a decaying kind that haunted them both.
"When you can stop you don't want to, and when you want to stop, you can't..."
-Luke Davies
Jensen had known it would be bad but he hadn’t realized how bad as he trudged up to his apartment and tried not to think about things. Life had been slowly spirling out of his control since Dark Angel. He’d gotten a handle on his life since he’d acted in the soaps. And he’d thought he was doing well. But all it took was being the other man in a love triangle to have his life crumble apart in his hands. Micheal hadn’t kept his big mouth shut as he had promised. And as soon as their relationship ended it was all over the hills just how slutty Jensen Ackles could be.
His career had taken a while to take off again after that. It was impossible to go to auditions and not get propositioned. Every one who heard the story from somebody else who heard the story thought he was easy when all he was, was heartbroken. But the CW had taken a chance on him and he’d proved himself on “Smallville” no one would deny that. And soon after he was proving himself as Dean Winchester and had been doing a damn good of it to.
But then he had to go and fall in love with his costar AGAIN. But this time he’d been cautious, he’d made them both sign agreements that would hold up in court. Jared had been shocked but understanding once Jensen had explained the real story behind all the rumors. But as soon as a pretty piece of pussy came around that was interested Jensen lost once again. Maybe he should become a woman, that would probably solve a few things but make him even more TMZ fodder than he already was. He’d thought all those years ago that he’d learned his lesson but obviously not when once again he’d got his heart stomped on.
Jensen in the end had a new relationship to work with and a career that was finally mattering so he gave in to Jared’s idea. But he’d warned the both of them when Jared the fool also got married that this was it, once this happened Jensen refused to be second fiddle again. So they’d gone back to be costars and sometimes friends. Never appearing as close as they once were but still close enough that the fans never truly caught on. Though thinking about it Jensen knew that would change, the fans and the whole world would know just how fucked Jensen was in general.
He had hope though, his lawyer had offered a plea deal for rehab and community service and it had been accepted. Thankfully he’d been released and he’d also been given a day or two to get things straightened out. For the next month after that he had a intense rehab to look forward to and didn’t that make him want to reach for the bottle again. And there it was sitting on the coffee table where he’d placed it after getting into the apartment and then settling on the couch. He’d been staring at it so long condensation was dripping onto the table and puddling. Just like his life really. Puddling before him and melting at his hot and hated touch. He couldn’t change things though, at least not the ones in the past. Leaning back some and ignoring the beer he was casually optimistic that maybe, just maybe rehab would help make him better, make him not able to feel this deep pit of despair anymore.
Jared had finally made it home and he was still shaking. When he’d gotten the phone call from hell he’d been shocked enough to stop breathing for a minute there. He’d let the phone drop from his hands onto the floor with a clatter. He knew that Jensen had been getting worse and worse with each season they shot. The liquor on his breath getting more distinctive depending on who he was shooting scenes with. From what Misha & Jim said they hadn’t noticed anything coming from the man. Although they’d mentioned that afterwards if it had been a long shoot Jensen would get the shakes. And all of them knew it wasn’t just exhaustion that had the man shaking.
Jared knew the signs of long term alcohol usage, he’d seen it in Chad as well as a few family members. Being from Texas you would be accustomed to seeing men drink heavily from an early age. It was always just another excuse to drink and barbeque. Whatever got them through tough days on the ranch or in the office but Jared had wanted no part of it. He’d party hard with his buddies but he’d leave it back at the bar when he got home. There was beer in the fridge but that was it no matter what each of the J(G)en’s wanted.
But Jared had only himself to blame for both of his love’s descent into madness. It was only a paternity test that proved to him that Colton was his. Jensen had only started drinking heavily after Jared left him, this he knew because Chris had beat it into his face one weekend.Gen on the other hand had started out as an appetizer and had only married him under pressure. And she hated him for it. Hated him so much that she laid with others and partied with friends instead of being with him and their son.
It was a good thing their neighbor was willing to watch Colton for the whole day instead of a few hours because Jared needed to decompress or he’d lose it. He’d never been so angry and sad at the same time. He’d wanted to hug him, throttle him, and sob some when he’d seen Jensen coming out of the cells. He hadn’t wanted to scream though so he just walked away no matter how much it hurt. They both deserved to hurt, to have the guilt over this plague them. Jared would never forgive himself for ruining Jensen further but he also couldn’t regret Colton. His marriage he regretted but his son he loved truly.
He knew it didn’t matter to Jensen though, there was no good outcome for him because of this whole situation. They were both stuck though. Divorce was possible he assumed but Jared didn’t want it, not really. Jensen might want to divorce Danni but Jared wouldn’t divorce or leave Gen til she forced him to. He couldn’t do that to Colton, he’d tough it out as long as he could. He had to, especially since Jensen had told him on Jared’s own wedding day that he better be sure because there was no going back. Jensen wouldn’t have him because Jared knew down deep there was no trust or love there other than a decaying kind that haunted them both.
"When you can stop you don't want to, and when you want to stop, you can't..."
-Luke Davies
Jensen had known it would be bad but he hadn’t realized how bad as he trudged up to his apartment and tried not to think about things. Life had been slowly spirling out of his control since Dark Angel. He’d gotten a handle on his life since he’d acted in the soaps. And he’d thought he was doing well. But all it took was being the other man in a love triangle to have his life crumble apart in his hands. Micheal hadn’t kept his big mouth shut as he had promised. And as soon as their relationship ended it was all over the hills just how slutty Jensen Ackles could be.
His career had taken a while to take off again after that. It was impossible to go to auditions and not get propositioned. Every one who heard the story from somebody else who heard the story thought he was easy when all he was, was heartbroken. But the CW had taken a chance on him and he’d proved himself on “Smallville” no one would deny that. And soon after he was proving himself as Dean Winchester and had been doing a damn good of it to.
But then he had to go and fall in love with his costar AGAIN. But this time he’d been cautious, he’d made them both sign agreements that would hold up in court. Jared had been shocked but understanding once Jensen had explained the real story behind all the rumors. But as soon as a pretty piece of pussy came around that was interested Jensen lost once again. Maybe he should become a woman, that would probably solve a few things but make him even more TMZ fodder than he already was. He’d thought all those years ago that he’d learned his lesson but obviously not when once again he’d got his heart stomped on.
Jensen in the end had a new relationship to work with and a career that was finally mattering so he gave in to Jared’s idea. But he’d warned the both of them when Jared the fool also got married that this was it, once this happened Jensen refused to be second fiddle again. So they’d gone back to be costars and sometimes friends. Never appearing as close as they once were but still close enough that the fans never truly caught on. Though thinking about it Jensen knew that would change, the fans and the whole world would know just how fucked Jensen was in general.
He had hope though, his lawyer had offered a plea deal for rehab and community service and it had been accepted. Thankfully he’d been released and he’d also been given a day or two to get things straightened out. For the next month after that he had a intense rehab to look forward to and didn’t that make him want to reach for the bottle again. And there it was sitting on the coffee table where he’d placed it after getting into the apartment and then settling on the couch. He’d been staring at it so long condensation was dripping onto the table and puddling. Just like his life really. Puddling before him and melting at his hot and hated touch. He couldn’t change things though, at least not the ones in the past. Leaning back some and ignoring the beer he was casually optimistic that maybe, just maybe rehab would help make him better, make him not able to feel this deep pit of despair anymore.