FanFic. Stargate Atlantis. "Tonight. Tomorrow. Never Again." JS/RM & RM/JK. PG.
Title: Tonight. Tomorrow. Never Again.
Author: Lil Jei
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney Mckay & Rodney Mckay/Jennifer Keller
Rating: PG
Wd Ct: 1,400
Disclaimer: The show, song lyrics, and the characters are not mine. I make no money whatsoever off this gig…
A/N: It’s an inspired by song fic. This is my first version of the idea. AU. Future Fic. Adultery. Slash. Het. Un-Beta’d. Probable One Shot.
Summary: “Tonight, I'm gonna love you like there's no tomorrow.”
It had been 10 years to the day since Atlantis had landed in the bay. And here they were celebrating the anniversary. John couldn’t believe it had been so long since they’d been forced to come back to the Milky Way galaxy. Well not forced to really, it had been 10 years since they’d all given up on ever returning to Pegasus, to home. So that’s what had him and everyone else coming together once more, in remembrance more than anything.
Not much had changed for any of them that much he knew. Most of the Atlantis command had stayed in the program, hell John was running some of it. None of them expected him to stay, but he had. He’d been forced to choose between his family and friends and freedom. He’d chosen to stay with his team. When Rodney, Zelenka, and the others had gone to Area 51 John had decided to go along as well. He wasn’t in charge per say but he was second in command and he couldn’t have become that without the SGC and Atlantis and everything that had happened. After Afghanistan he could never have even dreamed up the way his life had ended up happening.
But as great as his job was, the rest of his life wasn’t turning out so great. Once they’d all settled in at Area 51 Rodney dropped a bombshell. He was marrying Jennifer and she was moving to Nevada and she’d be the CMO on the base. Then he coincidentally asked John to be his best man-again. And even though he hated himself in that moment, John had said yes. When he’d come to Nevada he had hoped Rodney had given up on that all American or Canadian dream and had accepted that maybe a scarred up and bitter has-been pilot was what he wanted. But no he’d left John once again for the woman Rodney thought he was supposed to want.
That was 8 years ago and yet John was still just there, hanging onto their friendship, wanting more but knowing that he’d never have it again. It had always been Rodney who’d pursued John and then broken it off with him and then done it all over again, twice more. And John was just the fool who still stayed. No matter how much shit he had to deal with because of Rodney, he loved him. And that was how he found himself at the McKay household, just shy of being too tipsy to drive, and trying to celebrate the anniversary of when he’d lost everything. He can still remember when Atlantis had landed in the bay and he’d forced himself to try and be happy about being back “home.” Now he was anything but happy or satisfied, he just existed.
There were moments in every single day that reminded John of what he once had. He and Rodney would meet up in the mess for a meal or he’d be called down to a lab to help turn on some ancient tech. But nothing was like it used to be when they were fighting for their lives every single day of the week, going on back to back missions, and in between all that having quickies in the back of the jumpers or in transporters. He had to see the Jennifer and Rodney show every damn day of the week and sometimes more than once and every single time he had to pretend to smile, when all he wanted to do was scream. Either way things needed to change, he was slowly losing his mind. Tonight was about saying goodbye in his own way and finally hoping to lay some of the memories to rest.
He’d seen to it that everyone on base knew this was his choice and not another reassignment from the talking heads. He wasn’t necessarily retiring but it sure felt like it. He was moving up the chain of command instead. John had proved himself to the brass over the past 15 years. So he only had himself to blame when faced with his newest posting. He was going to the heart of the debate on anything political or military- starting next week he’d be taking over for O’Neill as head of Homeworld Security. John had known this was coming down the pike but still couldn’t wrap his head around it. He’d flown to DC for a yearly debrief and had been ambushed by the decision. But he wouldn’t say no, not now at least. His life had changed too much for him to deny he needed a new path in life; maybe he could do just as much good in DC as he had in Nevada and Atlantis. He could only hope too at least.
The only ones he hadn’t told were Jennifer and Rodney. He just couldn’t stand to do so. John knew he’d taken the coward’s way out but damn it he didn’t feel like subjecting himself to Rodney’s rants this time around. Hell, John knew that was even a sign that he needed a change. It was a bad sign if John didn’t even want to be near let alone listen to Rodney.
*Speaking of which it’s time I head out, I’ve had enough wallowing for the night* John thinks to himself. Looking up at the night sky John tries to shake the melancholy and prepares to move back inside the house when he hears a voice “So when were you going to tell me?” John turns and sees the very person he was avoiding. “What do you mean Rodney?” He can’t see him but John can just imagine the anger building, “You’re leaving, going to DC of all places. I should be thankful it’s not back to Iraq or wherever.” That got to him, all that sacrifice, all that friendship and Rodney still couldn’t…“Afghanistan, Rodney, it was fucking Afghanistan. And what does it matter? They asked and I said yes.” John doesn’t want to think about how much he’s hurting Rodney, he’s already hurting himself so why not spread it around.
“John please look at me.” And that was when Rodney finally reached out and grabbed his arm, after all these years, it was him leaving that caused it. John shook Rodney off of his arm and just had to say it, it’d been on his mind all night. “It’s been 15 years since you asked me where we were in the universe Rodney. Where are we now Rodney?” There he’d actually said something out loud, something about feelings. Rodney could just stuff it now. He’s barely focusing when he hears him, Rodney quietly says right in John’s ear, “I don’t know John. At least I don’t know where we’ll be tomorrow. Tonight on the other hand…we’re together again.”
With that said John barely has a chance to react before he’s kissed. But unlike when they were together and John would just take it, because of some foolish hope or feelings of love-he was different. He was older and wiser and knew better. Trying to pull away he’s stuck- Rodney’s like an octopus wrapped up all around him. “Stop it John, Jennifer got called back to base, an OR emergency. The party’s over and we have the house to ourselves.” That snaps John out his daze; he pushes back even more, slamming his back into the deck railing. “No Rodney. I’m not like that. You’re not like that.” He really wishes Rodney would just disappear instead of saying these things. He still loved the man but not enough to do this, to commit adultery and betrayal.
John keeps his hands out and says “No” again and walks to the doors determined to just get the hell out of here and away from Rodney. He pauses when Rodney asks “Why not John, if not tonight then when?” John turns at that and nearly falls over from the sudden exhaustion and just says “Never Rodney, you went and married her and you expect me to do this…this thing that’s been over forever.” He’s hurt though when Rodney comes back and says “Not long enough that you didn’t pause before saying no. Not long enough for you to have gotten married or been dating. Obviously, not long enough that you still want me after all this time.” John feels any affection he once had for Rodney leave at that point. “Rodney you’ve gone too far. You might not believe me now but when I leave here tonight I won’t look back. We could’ve been something great Rodney, pity you’re the fool that gave it all away. Goodbye Rodney.”
And with that John finally has the nerve to walk away. He leaves the house, still hearing McKay shouting obscenities at him, and gets into his car and drives away. He won’t break down, at least not yet and certainly not anywhere near his ex. He’d leave Nevada and not look back, and he’d keep telling himself that until it became true.