Rant.........
Yes here I go i'm ranting... We are in the process of moving and everything has cost me extra money this weekend... I'm pissed about it and even tho i will be reimbursed for it.. It will be a bit... I got my head bitten off like it was my fault that the apartment wasn't ready .... I have no control over it tho ... Bobbi said that It was my fault and that I pushed her out of everything... that I took over control of the whole thing and she doesn't even feel like she is apart of this townhouse... She was pissed off cause I didn't take her to sign the lease with me or when I went to talk to them... My fault always my fault... and Dale has totally pissed me off ... completely ... he said well she's just frustrated you did the right thang by not blowing up at her but i'm tired of everything being my fault if i wanted to feel this way I would of moved back in with my mom...
As for controlling everything what should she care the apartment is in my name... I'm the one that has to deal with it... There was no reason for her to be there she wasn't signing anything just listed as an occupant of the place... thats all ....
Also how is it my fault that the carpet wasn't done ?
How is it my fault that none of this is done.. ??? Anyone answer ... I told them basically kiss my ass and if they wanted to stay in there then fine ... go stay I can afford the place i'm at by myself ... and they can all be merry in there... i didn't even get an apology ...
I'm taking over everything ... Hell dale didn't go get the storage like he's suppose too... All of bobbi's stuff gets moved today mine will have to wait ... we will have to move through out the week ... and Also did i mention she gets the master bedroom... ? why cause her excuse is her king size bed ... why couldn't she put that in storage?
Theres two of us living in a tiny room and she gets the big one ? when everything is in my name tho dale agrees with it all ... sometimes i wonder .... I wonder if i'm just the third person out being used as a scape goat...
On top of it all i'm running fever with a bladder infection... I had a bad diabetic shock were i had to take my emergancy insulin and now I can't quit crying cause i feel like no one cares... Dale says to let it go wouldn't let me finish my ranting ... said he doesn't want a feud just let it go ... and so again he scampers down there to help them finish moving and i sit here sick running fever not feeling good ... I could just die... absolutely die ...
In all honesty I could give two shits what happens next I am seriously think about leaving everything...
Just getting up and going fuck everything esle right ?
I could go to New York and stay with sharann.. Before I totally have a nervous breakdown... Cause I just sat there and kept quiet and now its bottled up in side me and I can't hold it in but i say anything and its my fault everythings my fault ... always my fault ... I feel like i'm back wiht my mother... I need to go away ... for a very long time in the hopes of returning and if i don't maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thang... I just want out of the rut i'm in ... I need advice i need a shrink I need a change in life... cause one of these days I'm afraid for myself .. and the state of mine i return too. That dark place... That I hate so much... sometimes I go there just to escape like everyone else... One time i went there with the intention of not returning.. I wouldn't but my mom came home and found me .... I just wanted out ... I was 14 at that time and took a whole bottle of prozac and tried cutting my wrist... things you do when you are a teenager... I was a miserable one... I never was a kid ... I raised mysisters... and got blamed for everything... I worked all my life for nothing ... I don't want to go back there to how akward i felt and how people viewed me cause of my skank sister tina or my outgoing mother who would embarrass me and want to hang out with my friends... and make fun of the ones she didn't like .... I hate it ... I hated it...
And with all this going on i feel like i'm returning back to that place where I don't feel good ... and I hate myself i try to talk about it I try to let them know how i feel ... and Look what i get ....
I pray to god everything night for my sanity but sometimes I don't think hes' answering me ... I can't handle anymore stress...
One day its gonna push me over the edge... call me drama queen call me depressed ... or call me what ever but i know how i feel and I know what might happen someday...
As for controlling everything what should she care the apartment is in my name... I'm the one that has to deal with it... There was no reason for her to be there she wasn't signing anything just listed as an occupant of the place... thats all ....
Also how is it my fault that the carpet wasn't done ?
How is it my fault that none of this is done.. ??? Anyone answer ... I told them basically kiss my ass and if they wanted to stay in there then fine ... go stay I can afford the place i'm at by myself ... and they can all be merry in there... i didn't even get an apology ...
I'm taking over everything ... Hell dale didn't go get the storage like he's suppose too... All of bobbi's stuff gets moved today mine will have to wait ... we will have to move through out the week ... and Also did i mention she gets the master bedroom... ? why cause her excuse is her king size bed ... why couldn't she put that in storage?
Theres two of us living in a tiny room and she gets the big one ? when everything is in my name tho dale agrees with it all ... sometimes i wonder .... I wonder if i'm just the third person out being used as a scape goat...
On top of it all i'm running fever with a bladder infection... I had a bad diabetic shock were i had to take my emergancy insulin and now I can't quit crying cause i feel like no one cares... Dale says to let it go wouldn't let me finish my ranting ... said he doesn't want a feud just let it go ... and so again he scampers down there to help them finish moving and i sit here sick running fever not feeling good ... I could just die... absolutely die ...
In all honesty I could give two shits what happens next I am seriously think about leaving everything...
Just getting up and going fuck everything esle right ?
I could go to New York and stay with sharann.. Before I totally have a nervous breakdown... Cause I just sat there and kept quiet and now its bottled up in side me and I can't hold it in but i say anything and its my fault everythings my fault ... always my fault ... I feel like i'm back wiht my mother... I need to go away ... for a very long time in the hopes of returning and if i don't maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thang... I just want out of the rut i'm in ... I need advice i need a shrink I need a change in life... cause one of these days I'm afraid for myself .. and the state of mine i return too. That dark place... That I hate so much... sometimes I go there just to escape like everyone else... One time i went there with the intention of not returning.. I wouldn't but my mom came home and found me .... I just wanted out ... I was 14 at that time and took a whole bottle of prozac and tried cutting my wrist... things you do when you are a teenager... I was a miserable one... I never was a kid ... I raised mysisters... and got blamed for everything... I worked all my life for nothing ... I don't want to go back there to how akward i felt and how people viewed me cause of my skank sister tina or my outgoing mother who would embarrass me and want to hang out with my friends... and make fun of the ones she didn't like .... I hate it ... I hated it...
And with all this going on i feel like i'm returning back to that place where I don't feel good ... and I hate myself i try to talk about it I try to let them know how i feel ... and Look what i get ....
I pray to god everything night for my sanity but sometimes I don't think hes' answering me ... I can't handle anymore stress...
One day its gonna push me over the edge... call me drama queen call me depressed ... or call me what ever but i know how i feel and I know what might happen someday...