Sunday's party, musings on religion at Rosh Hashanah
I'm just a terrible Jew anymore. The rabbi who converted me would not be pleased. Or maybe he'd be fine with it. He did tell our class about eating Rocky Mountain oysters. (He's Reform. And Texan.)
Because the Jewish agency I work for closes its administrative departments on Rosh Hashanah, I have off today and tomorrow. Since I took off Monday when I threw out my back sneezing, I've worked a whole two-day week, and this not long after having been on vacation. So lucky am I. Of course I'm going to spend all my extra time preparing for this weekend.
On Sunday, we're having a party here at the house, and EVERYONE IS INVITED. Party's from 3-7 in the afternoon, family friendly, smoke-free, but with cats and a dog, so I hope you're not allergic if you're planning to come. RSVPs are appreciated so I don't feel like I'm being ridiculous with the amount of food I'm planning, but are not required. If you can see this, you are very much invited and I hope to see you there. If you need directions, let me know.
I never know what to do to observe Rosh Hashanah, since I don't go to shul any more. The holidays have become less significant because they're not tied to any practices of mine. I don't follow the Torah readings. I love the shofar, I love Simchat Torah when we dance with the Torah. I hate Yom Kippur because it is full of doom. I know it's the biggest day of the Jewish calendar but it has always seemed to me the least Jewish of holidays, with its concentration on death. Judaism places the highest importance on life. If the most ultra-Orthodox Jew in the world was going to die if he didn't eat some bacon, he would eat the bacon. That's a life-affirming religion.
At the time that I became Jewish, I was in a different place than I am now. I was open to having faith, to believing in the irrational, because they served my needs for community and the emotions I had. I had humility, and hope, and wanted to belong with other people who were open to these feelings, and wanted to know how to live their lives, and had found a set of answers that were compassionate and thoughtful.
I still am glad I converted, because I am more comfortable having Judaism as the religion in the background of my life than Christianity. I was raised a mostly non-practicing Catholic, and then we lived in the Bible Belt for a long time. I had announced myself an atheist when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I could never believe in Jesus Christ. I still think it's a bad thing to do, to take the death by torture of a religious leader, and then fetishize the way he was killed, and make some kind of evil sense of his death. (This was brought home for me very emphatically when I watched Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ." The flogging scene is hard-core.) I have always felt on this subject that no one can ever actually take your sins away. I hate the idea that people think they can do that, do evil and then not have to make it right, just believe that someone else has already been punished for what you've done. It's just wrong. It doesn't promote responsibility, it doesn't give me a moral framework for living my life.
I knew about Judaism from having Jewish neighbors, family members, and friends, and in my mid-20s I found a GLBT synagogue and became a part of that community. When I moved away, I went to synagogue wherever I found myself. After a few years, though, I wasn't going regularly. I was reverting to my faithless ways, which are not as bad as that word sounds. I still care very much about knowing how to live my life, but I have many sources for inspiration. At one time, I found Torah study very enlightening, but now I see it differently. I admire the Jewish culture that has tried to make compassionate, loving sense of this ancient text that does not always make sense or demonstrate what I would consider positive ways of dealing. At least the Jews took a sow's ear and tried to make silk. Christians worship the knife that took off the ear. It's true what some people say about Christianity: it is a death cult. I chose life when I chose Judaism. Now I'm still choosing life, but not in a religious way. I'm far more prone to existential angst this way, but at least I don't have a part of my mind telling me that I'm being ridiculous trying to believe in things that my rational mind sneers at.
The last irrational thing I'm still doing that marks me as Jewish is in my food choices. I'll eat a turkey and cheddar sandwich, but I won't eat pork or shellfish. I've thought about it in the past year or so, going back to eating lobster and bacon, but I have a block against it. They're still not food in my mind, the way horrible junk food I would never eat is not food in my mind. Bacon is with Mountain Dew and Big Macs: technically edible but not what I'd choose. I've conditioned myself to have the same disgust in response to the idea of eating trayf as I would to eating a bug (also trayf, except for locusts). Anyone who knows me knows that food is a huge part of my life, especially in the past few years, so my food choices are very important to who I am. I still feel like a "bad Jew," especially since as a convert I feel like I have a greater responsibility to "stick with it," whatever that means. For now it means that I'm Jewish but I don't practice. I'm a non-practicing Jew. It's okay.
Because the Jewish agency I work for closes its administrative departments on Rosh Hashanah, I have off today and tomorrow. Since I took off Monday when I threw out my back sneezing, I've worked a whole two-day week, and this not long after having been on vacation. So lucky am I. Of course I'm going to spend all my extra time preparing for this weekend.
On Sunday, we're having a party here at the house, and EVERYONE IS INVITED. Party's from 3-7 in the afternoon, family friendly, smoke-free, but with cats and a dog, so I hope you're not allergic if you're planning to come. RSVPs are appreciated so I don't feel like I'm being ridiculous with the amount of food I'm planning, but are not required. If you can see this, you are very much invited and I hope to see you there. If you need directions, let me know.
I never know what to do to observe Rosh Hashanah, since I don't go to shul any more. The holidays have become less significant because they're not tied to any practices of mine. I don't follow the Torah readings. I love the shofar, I love Simchat Torah when we dance with the Torah. I hate Yom Kippur because it is full of doom. I know it's the biggest day of the Jewish calendar but it has always seemed to me the least Jewish of holidays, with its concentration on death. Judaism places the highest importance on life. If the most ultra-Orthodox Jew in the world was going to die if he didn't eat some bacon, he would eat the bacon. That's a life-affirming religion.
At the time that I became Jewish, I was in a different place than I am now. I was open to having faith, to believing in the irrational, because they served my needs for community and the emotions I had. I had humility, and hope, and wanted to belong with other people who were open to these feelings, and wanted to know how to live their lives, and had found a set of answers that were compassionate and thoughtful.
I still am glad I converted, because I am more comfortable having Judaism as the religion in the background of my life than Christianity. I was raised a mostly non-practicing Catholic, and then we lived in the Bible Belt for a long time. I had announced myself an atheist when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I could never believe in Jesus Christ. I still think it's a bad thing to do, to take the death by torture of a religious leader, and then fetishize the way he was killed, and make some kind of evil sense of his death. (This was brought home for me very emphatically when I watched Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ." The flogging scene is hard-core.) I have always felt on this subject that no one can ever actually take your sins away. I hate the idea that people think they can do that, do evil and then not have to make it right, just believe that someone else has already been punished for what you've done. It's just wrong. It doesn't promote responsibility, it doesn't give me a moral framework for living my life.
I knew about Judaism from having Jewish neighbors, family members, and friends, and in my mid-20s I found a GLBT synagogue and became a part of that community. When I moved away, I went to synagogue wherever I found myself. After a few years, though, I wasn't going regularly. I was reverting to my faithless ways, which are not as bad as that word sounds. I still care very much about knowing how to live my life, but I have many sources for inspiration. At one time, I found Torah study very enlightening, but now I see it differently. I admire the Jewish culture that has tried to make compassionate, loving sense of this ancient text that does not always make sense or demonstrate what I would consider positive ways of dealing. At least the Jews took a sow's ear and tried to make silk. Christians worship the knife that took off the ear. It's true what some people say about Christianity: it is a death cult. I chose life when I chose Judaism. Now I'm still choosing life, but not in a religious way. I'm far more prone to existential angst this way, but at least I don't have a part of my mind telling me that I'm being ridiculous trying to believe in things that my rational mind sneers at.
The last irrational thing I'm still doing that marks me as Jewish is in my food choices. I'll eat a turkey and cheddar sandwich, but I won't eat pork or shellfish. I've thought about it in the past year or so, going back to eating lobster and bacon, but I have a block against it. They're still not food in my mind, the way horrible junk food I would never eat is not food in my mind. Bacon is with Mountain Dew and Big Macs: technically edible but not what I'd choose. I've conditioned myself to have the same disgust in response to the idea of eating trayf as I would to eating a bug (also trayf, except for locusts). Anyone who knows me knows that food is a huge part of my life, especially in the past few years, so my food choices are very important to who I am. I still feel like a "bad Jew," especially since as a convert I feel like I have a greater responsibility to "stick with it," whatever that means. For now it means that I'm Jewish but I don't practice. I'm a non-practicing Jew. It's okay.