Imperfectly Perfect Chp. 6
Title: Imperfectly Perfect (6/?)
Author: xlolitsnozomix
Pairing: Hankyung / Heechul
Rating: R for now..
Genre: angst, romance, fluff, AU, suspense
Words: 4200
Summary: Life has always been sort of quiet, content, and dreamlike for Kim Heechul. Unfortunately, nothing gold can stay, as he learns the hard way, when his perfect world goes tumbling upside down, inside out, and everything he thought he knew crumbles to ruins. Hankyung and Heechul are put through the ultimate test to see just how strong their love is for each other. How far would they go?
A/N: Longer update because of longer lack of update time hahaha~ enjoy my dears! thanks so much for staying with me and reading my story! I love sharing stories with everyone. WARNING: EXTREME ANGST COMING YOUR WAY THIS CHAPTER~~! hold onto your teddybears and prepare for the worst~ this is also the release of the mystery~~!
another warning: completely unbetaed and un-editted. this is RAW ... i am too flipping lazy and tired and zombie-like to deal with this right now D: please bear with me - if you see mistakes, please feel free to point them out to me so I can fix it~ ♥ Enjoy it ♥
| Prologue | Chp 1 | Chp 2 | Chp 3 | Chp 4 | Chp 5 |
---
Against the deep blue sky is the glittering lights of the Ferris wheel that takes away their breaths and nothing else seems to matter except for the fact that they are there now, next to each other and looking at the contrast of the lights against the endless expanse of the blue sky.
“It’s been so long,” says Heechul, still entranced by the moving, happy crowd before him and the glittering lights flickering with life every where he looks. He feels like he’s seven again and for some reason it’s a comforting feeling he hasn’t felt for a long, long time.
“It’s really nice here,” Hangeng says, practically reading Heechul’s mind. The red-head hums in agreement and hand in hand, they slowly walk through the golden gates of the amusement park, practically beckoning them in, drawing them in with its bright childish colors that reminds Heechul of his childhood and the dreams of a child.
“What’s your favorite ride?” Hangeng asks, still in awe as he stares at the rotating rides all around them. It really has been too long. He feels a bit out of place because he knows too much things now and it feels strange being surrounded by so many innocent and pure memories. It sends his mind reeling and he wishes he’s really six years old again.
“The merry-go-round,” answers Heechul. His eyes are a bit unreadable, but Hangeng can tell he’s being flooded with nostalgia as they look at each other, Heechul’s bright strands of hair blowing in front of his face and hiding his emotions as they are silent.
“What?” Heechul challenges, something twinkling in his eyes, “I’ve always loved the colorful horses, okay?” Hangeng smiles in return and Heechul continues, “When I was little I wanted to be a prince and ride around in fancy clothes and horses.”
“Well you’re a princess now. Doesn’t that mean anything?” Hangeng teases, squeezing Heechul’s hand just a bit tighter. The latter smirks at him and rolls his eyes, “C’mon, you dork. Let’s go on some rides!”
---
The first ride they go on is the Ferris wheel because it just looks so pretty at the time of day and the view is spectacular from the top. Heechul’s never been a real fan of heights but when they’re at the top of the Ferris wheel staring down at the city and the fairgrounds below them, it gives him and majestic and freeing kind of feeling that he simply can’t get enough of. Even the fresh breezes in the air refreshes him and blows through his hair, tickling Hangeng’s face. Heechul leans into Hangeng for a long time as they watch over the city, feeling the peacefulness of being up so high and looking down at the world. Time seems to stop for a moment and he wishes he doesn’t have to come back down to earth and to float away in the heavens forever.
When they get back down, Heechul is still a bit dizzy from the sudden change in elevation and he has to cling tightly to Hangeng’s arm to prevent from collapsing on the ground because his knees are weak but his heart is pounding fiercely in his chest.
“That was fun,” he says in a thrilled voice, eyes wild.
Hangeng chuckles in response, “Really? It seems like you’re a bit nauseous. You don’t look so good.”
Pushing away Hangeng’s worries, Heechul plasters a bright smile on his face and announces that he now wants cotton candy and caramel apples.
“You’re such a kid at heart,” is what Hangeng smiles against his mouth as they make their way to the cotton candy booth down the pathway.
“Then you’re most likely a pedophile,” is Heechul’s smart comeback as he smirks at the incredulous Hangeng who’s just a bit speechless.
---
The rest of the warm, hazy day passes in a blur and Heechul tries really hard to remember everything that happens because it’s not every day that he gets to see Hangeng walking around with silly makeup on his face and have cotton candy melting between their mouths. And it’s definitely not every day that they can be this carefree and relaxed and really, it’s the least he can do to try to remember everything down to the tiniest detail.
After they argue for five minutes about which color of cotton candy to get and whether or not they should get a caramel apple with peanuts or no peanuts or maybe with chocolate or white chocolate and the lady in the booth glares at them dully and Heechul smiles widely back at her. It catches her off guard and he takes this moment to press a loud, obnoxious smacking kiss against Hangeng’s cheek, causing the lady’s mouth to fall open. These days there are simply not that many full grown men walking around in amusement parks, showing public displays of affection so he’s not that taken aback by her reaction, but he’s still offended that people are still so discriminating when the world has grown to become such a diverse, advancing place.
He’s about to tell Hangeng about how he feels offended when the latter shoves a giant blue cotton candy in his face and tells him to eat it, and then all angry thoughts are long lost in the wind.
After the cotton candy and outrageously sweet caramel coated apples, they limp over to the carousel with slight stomach aches because of all the sugary things they’d been eating. All Heechul can remember about the merry-go-round is the shiver of delight he gets when he picks one of the prettiest horses to sit on (a blue and pink pastel one with golden reins) while Hangeng stands next to him and presses warm kisses on his lips that taste endlessly like sugary cotton candy while little kids stare strangely at the two grown men on the carousel.
Heechul dislikes the stupid roller coaster that has too many drops and it’s all Hangeng’s fault because he makes Heechul go on it even though he tells him he has always disliked roller coasters. In the end, Heechul gets off the roller coaster with his head spinning and throws up his lunch on Hangeng’s shoes and then all the problems are solved.
Their favorite is probably the boat ride across the small man made pond. It is dusky twilight and they float across the silent, rippling water in the little boat and Hangeng lets Heechul lean on his shoulder as they stare up at the red and yellow fading sky, watching as the last bits of sunlight disappear behind the horizon. The lights that light up around the pond are small and yellow like little fireflies and it makes Heechul have an aching urge to go to the countryside where they can lay on untouched fields of wild grass and dance among the parade of fireflies.
He tells Hangeng this, and then there’s a promise made of a road trip soon where they can look up at the night sky with its endless twinkling stars and do just that - sleep among the fire flies.
---
The day ends peacefully and satisfyingly - without too much overexcitement, like the ending to a fairy tale that’s supposed to be happily ever after but no one really knows if it’s really happily ever after or not. Hangeng drives them home and on the way home, Heechul falls asleep on the freeway, face tucked into his fur hoodie and his bright hair highlighting the way the city lights reflect off it. Hangeng thanks the heavens that Heechul is asleep and doesn’t see the black car that follows them halfway home and has Hangeng’s hands shaking and sweaty against the driver’s wheel.
He’s tucked gently in bed by Hangeng who carries him all the way up the two flights of stairs into their apartment and all the way into the hallway to the bedroom. He feels himself being plopped down on the downy sheets of the bed and at first the cool sheets are too cold for his taste, but after a moment he feels Hangeng against his body, instantly warming up the cold emptiness of the air.
And then he falls sound asleep like a little baby, like a princess who’s yet to be woken up by her prince; he falls asleep and does not have any nightmares. Only images of unicorns and carousels and purple colored cotton candy, because Hangeng sings him into a peaceful slumber with his soft-spoken voice and abbreviated consonants and it’s so addicting and hypnotizing that he has no other choice but to forget all the worries of the world.
---
Lazy afternoons and dull evenings have never bothered Heechul before and he finds himself at peace the next day when he gets to close shop early and head home before the sun even is anywhere near setting. Sungmin decides to come over and make kimbap for dinner. But of course, the main reason he even suggests coming over at all is to simply gush about his date with Kyuhyun the newest hottie he’s got his heart set on.
It turns out that Sungmin had an “amazing” time on the date and that Kyuhyun was just so “charming” and the part that Heechul really got a good laugh at is the part when Sungmin can’t stop talking about Kyuhyun’s lovely, elegant long fingers and keeps teasing Sungmin about how there’s got to be a reason why he loves Kyuhyun’s long fingers so much. The latter just turns crimson and says because it looks nice when he plays the piano.
Heechul scoffs at the futile excuse and carries on rolling the rice in the seaweed.
“So you’re finally over Siwon, then?” Heechul asks hopefully, raising an eyebrow at his best friend dressed in a pink beanie.
“Yeah, I guess I finally am, huh? All those waste years for nothing. Nothing at all…” Sungmin sighs, pressing the roll down especially hard.
“How come you thought he was jealous when you asked Kyuhyun out though?” he asks the him.
“I don’t know. Maybe it was just my imagination…” says Sungmin, trailing off, and suddenly there’s an uncomfortable tinge on his words.
“Yeah. It probably would be better not to overanalyze it or anything,” Heechul continues, glancing over at Sungmin to make sure he’s not thinking anything stupid.
“Mhmm,” the other replies softly, seeming as if he’s lost in another world.
A silence slips in between them and none of them says anything for a long while, just rolling seaweed and rice together with other ingredients shoved in between there. It’s been a while since they’ve made real food together.
“So,” says Heechul, breaking the silence, “you wanted me to invite Kibum and Jonghyun too, right? And we can have a triple date once Kyuhyun comes?”
There’s not much of an answer when Heechul looks over at Sungmin who only nods his head slightly, not really knowing what Heechul just asked him. And Heechul is afraid Sungmin’s already thinking too much, and that it might be too late to pull him back.
---
Dinner that night isn’t the usual quiet dinner that Heechul and Hangeng have each night, it’s quite busy and loud because Sungmin and Jonghyun are already drunk before dinner even starts so they’re being excessively obnoxious and loud. Kyuhyun on the other hand is definitely handsome and manly, as Heechul notes and he agrees that Kyuhyun seems like a charming guy who’s a gentleman. Kibum, however, looks completely ticked off at Jonghyun being a blathering idiot and continues scolding him for drinking so much throughout the entire dinner.
Heechul takes one look at the pair and suddenly remembers why he thought Kibum was such a perfect match for Jonghyun when they had first gotten together - because Kibum is naturally good housewife material and he’s really caring albeit in a nagging way that Jonghyun needs to pull him back down to earth. Not to mention Kibum is controlling and violent so there’s no way Jonghyun can escape Kibum’s wrath whenever he does something wrong, which would teach him some discipline and self control that not many people could enforce on his rebelling baby brother.
The constant nagging simply shows how much Kibum really cares for Jonghyun and that’s the only reason why he’s always so worried. Kind of like the endearing way the Hangeng constantly nags Heechul.
On the other hand, he’s glad to see the cheerful atmosphere around Kyuhyun and Sungmin, just smiling and laughing at each other the whole time. Sungmin flushes furiously every single time Kyuhyun says his name and with the way that Kyuhyun looks at Sungmin definitely tells Heechul something deeper is growing and it makes him feel safe and relieved. Sungmin’s been looking for something like this for so long that it’s a bit overwhelming that it’s actually happening.
---
There’s only been three times in Heechul’s life where he feels like the world has literally stopped and such a panic seizes his heart that he’s frozen in one spot with the sound of panic and chaos deafening in his ears.
The first time is when he gets a phone call from his mom in school that his grandma just had a heart attack and she’s been admitted to the nearby hospital. He remembers instantly bursting into tears in the middle of class and the amount of panic that rose inside his throat was enough to make him throw up his entire lunch. She was fine in the end though, but relief hits him just as hard when he gets the news and from then on he’s never liked surprises too much.
The second time hits so close to home that Heechul locks himself up in his bedroom for an entire week and refuses to come out. It happens when Heechul is at the bookstore, and it’s been only a couple weeks since the shop had opened. He remembers getting a phone call from the hospital across their apartment and a nurse informing him of how Hangeng had just been in a fatal car crash and his condition was unstable. It was that moment that Heechul’s heart stopped beating for a couple seconds because everything inside of him just sank down to rock bottom and he hadn’t known what to do at all. He had rushed to the hospital in a panicked flurry but when he got there, falling into a pile of tears and sobbing against Hangeng’s hospital bedside, a couple nurses had come into the room and assured him that Hangeng’s condition had just grown stable and everything would be okay. He almost passed out from the relief and he remembers running to the bathroom to puke out his breakfast in the men’s toilet because everything was just too much to handle at that point.
The third time is right now, Heechul’s heart is stopping as he looks Hangeng in the eyes, a disbelieving utter panic rising in his throat and he knows what’s going to come next, and clenches his fist in order to control it.
It’s only been about half an hour from earlier when Hangeng was clearing the dishes from the dinner table and they settle on the couch in front of the television. Hangeng is silent and subdued at first, not saying much, but there’s something so strange about the way they are acting that Heechul can almost taste the bitter tension in the air.
The first words that Hangeng says are, “Heechul, I have something really important to tell you…”
There are no words in response, only a shuffle in his hair as the red-head looks up at Hangeng expectantly. He should have known at that moment that Hangeng rarely ever did this “talk” thing and that it would be very serious if he did feel the need to “talk”.
In the beginning, Heechul knew something was already wrong but he could have never imagined it was that horrifying.
Hangeng was brushing Heechul’s hair out of his face so that he could look at him clearly without anything in the way, but Heechul notices the way that Hangeng’s fingers are shaking when he touches his face.
Heechul nods at the latter, encouraging him to continue. What could have possibly been so serious that it’s been plaguing Hangeng for these past weeks?
“There’s something I haven’t told you about that I know I should have as soon as possible. But please, please bear with me, Heechul. I’m telling you right now and I need you to listen,” he continues, voice wavering and snake of worry slithers its way into Heechul’s heart and it lays there, waiting for the perfect time to strike.
Heechul nods again, signaling Hangeng to go on.
“I…” Hangeng starts, but then cuts himself off, face cringing in frustration. “I…know who was the person who came into your shop that one day a while ago,” he finishes in a small whisper.
By this time, Heechul’s fingers are gripping Hangeng’s hand extra hard, his knuckles turning white, “What?” his question is in a hoarse whisper.
“What did you say?”
Pause. “I said…I know who she was who came into the bookshop asking for someone…”
“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?” Heechul gasps, his voice no longer there but he’s actually more worried about finding out the truth. Who was she then?
“Because,” Hangeng pauses to breathe in slowly, but his breath is shaky, “because I wasn’t sure until a couple days ago and yet I still wanted to make sure.”
“Alright then. Tell me who she is.”
Hangeng begins slowly, as if he’s afraid Heechul is a ticking time bomb waiting for the right moment to explode, “her name is Lin Xi-feng.”
“Okay…and?”
“She was looking for me when she came into your shop,” Hangeng blurts out, eyes showing how frustrated and anxious he is.
“What?”
“She came looking for me, Heechul. She’s got people with her. She’s dangerous; lethal even. And I’m so stupid for taking so long to tell you this because you could have been in danger this entire time. And I wouldn’t have been able to do anything…”
Heechul starts to find it difficult to breathe and looks at Hangeng with an incredulous and confused look, “What do you mean? Why is she dangerous?” The terror is seeping into his voice now, and he inhales slowly to calm himself down. What the hell is going on?
A comforting hand rubs against the back of Heechul’s palm. “Alright, listen to me, okay? I promise to tell you everything,” Hangeng says quietly, eyes so desperate and pleading that Heechul can’t do anything but nod in agreement.
“When I lived in China with my family…we were always really poor and my parents worked really hard on the small patch of farmland that we had. We tried to survive off of it, but it never was enough so we all did odd jobs to try to get more money. There was one day when my father was working for someone else’s fields nearby a river. He was never a good swimmer but this is when he slipped off the muddy banks and fell into the river. He was so close to drowning because no one had seen him fall into the river except for a man who was passing by coincidence.
This man saved my father’s life. My father was so grateful that he told the man he would do anything to repay him back. In the end, they came up with some kind of friendly arranged marriage between that man’s daughter and my father’s son, me.
At the time, the man was also a lowly peasant living a simple countryside life. Of course as time passed, many things changed and both my family and his family moved into the city. I was still young during this time so I knew about the marriage but I didn’t really understand what it meant.
During the really rough years when the economy hit a lot of lows, the man who was going to be my father in law began turning to crime. And this is that part that I hate to talk about because I just can’t believe it was how the story had to continue - that man, Mr. Lin, killed his brother who was the leader of the largest mafia organization at the time, secretly, and then he took his place as the leader of that entire group.
Now this is when my parents started becoming scared for our family and me. They didn’t want to marry me into the family of a crime lord. In the end, my parents sent me off to “school in Japan for ballet”. This is the fake story they came up with to tell to Mr. Lin and his daughter, who was still expecting the arranged marriage to stay intact. We told them that I’d return in four years after studying abroad in Japan. Of course, I never went to Japan and my parents just sent me here, hoping that no one would never find me and I would be safe. After about two years of being in Korea and nothing violent had happened with Mr. Lin yet, my parents were able to quietly leave the country as well without being traced. They’re now safe and living with my aunt and relatives in Australia. I’m glad they got far away because now…well, now they’ve found out where I am and they’re coming to get me back for escaping,” he takes a slow breath, gauging Heechul’s reaction but the latter is unreadable. There is a long, silent string of tension that hangs in the air between them.
“I’m so sorry, Heechul,” Hangeng gasps, pressing his face against Heechul’s limp hands. “I’m so sorry I never told you. I just…I couldn’t tell you.”
Heechul doesn’t say anything for a long time, his face is pale now, arms limp and numb on his lap, and a million thoughts are running through his mind, but at the same time there’s so much things he’s trying to cram into his brain that nothing’s really registering at all.
“I’m just telling you this now because it’s now crucial and life-threatening. I can’t have you here with your life risked and in danger. I need you to be safe, Heechul, please listen to me. So I’m telling you this so you can be safer. I promise to get you to a safe place,” Hangeng continues in a frantic whisper, eyes broken and wild. After a while he sadly adds, “I’ll get you to a safe place where you won’t be beside me so you won’t be in jeopardy, I promise.”
The world seems to have to slowed to an absolutely standstill, and there’s nothing that makes sense to Heechul anymore - what is supposed to happen now?
“All this time…?” Heechul finally says in a broken whisper. “All this time…how could you have not told me?” he asks, alas looking up at the other, angry tears streaming down his face, his expression torn so badly it crumples up Hangeng’s heart.
A soft, heartbroken sigh leaves Hangeng and he reaches to grasp Heechul’s hand, “I’m so sorry, please, Heechul, please. I’m so sorry. I know I should have told you but I couldn’t.”
“Everything that I’ve known about you…everything was only to cover up your past,” Heechul continues, incredulous and at the same time frighteningly silent.
“No, no it wasn’t Heechul. I’m still the person you know and love. I really am,” Hangeng pleads, desperate. He’s on his knees now, hands squeezing Heechul’s tightly.
Without an answer, Heechul simply shakes his head as more tears fall from his face.
In a moment, he is up on his feet and wrenching his hands out of Hangeng’s grasp. “I don’t…want to believe anything you say right now,” he finally answers in a barely audible whisper.
Hangeng closes his eyes and lets go of Heechul’s hands. “I know…” he says sadly. “I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for doing this...But please, at least understand why I did it…”
Again, there is no answer and Heechul exhales shakily, trying to suppress those stupid, hot tears from welling up inside of him and spilling down his face. He turns away now, not bothering to give Hangeng one final glance and walks towards the hallway, hands balled into clenched fists as he descends into the doorway towards their bedroom.
The wooden door closes shut behind him so quietly that Hangeng winces, wishing Heechul would have just slammed it instead; it would make him feel less guilty for doing this to Heechul.
How could he have been so stupid as to not realize he’d been putting Heechul in danger all this time?
He doesn’t go after Heechul and plead for him to open the door and listen to him or anything like that. There’s really not much to be done anymore. What’s happened has happened and now all he can do it wait it out and hope for the best. He’s said everything he has to say and he’s mentally preparing himself for the worst case scenario of what Heechul’s reaction might be.
---
Author: xlolitsnozomix
Pairing: Hankyung / Heechul
Rating: R for now..
Genre: angst, romance, fluff, AU, suspense
Words: 4200
Summary: Life has always been sort of quiet, content, and dreamlike for Kim Heechul. Unfortunately, nothing gold can stay, as he learns the hard way, when his perfect world goes tumbling upside down, inside out, and everything he thought he knew crumbles to ruins. Hankyung and Heechul are put through the ultimate test to see just how strong their love is for each other. How far would they go?
A/N: Longer update because of longer lack of update time hahaha~ enjoy my dears! thanks so much for staying with me and reading my story! I love sharing stories with everyone. WARNING: EXTREME ANGST COMING YOUR WAY THIS CHAPTER~~! hold onto your teddybears and prepare for the worst~ this is also the release of the mystery~~!
another warning: completely unbetaed and un-editted. this is RAW ... i am too flipping lazy and tired and zombie-like to deal with this right now D: please bear with me - if you see mistakes, please feel free to point them out to me so I can fix it~ ♥ Enjoy it ♥
| Prologue | Chp 1 | Chp 2 | Chp 3 | Chp 4 | Chp 5 |
---
Against the deep blue sky is the glittering lights of the Ferris wheel that takes away their breaths and nothing else seems to matter except for the fact that they are there now, next to each other and looking at the contrast of the lights against the endless expanse of the blue sky.
“It’s been so long,” says Heechul, still entranced by the moving, happy crowd before him and the glittering lights flickering with life every where he looks. He feels like he’s seven again and for some reason it’s a comforting feeling he hasn’t felt for a long, long time.
“It’s really nice here,” Hangeng says, practically reading Heechul’s mind. The red-head hums in agreement and hand in hand, they slowly walk through the golden gates of the amusement park, practically beckoning them in, drawing them in with its bright childish colors that reminds Heechul of his childhood and the dreams of a child.
“What’s your favorite ride?” Hangeng asks, still in awe as he stares at the rotating rides all around them. It really has been too long. He feels a bit out of place because he knows too much things now and it feels strange being surrounded by so many innocent and pure memories. It sends his mind reeling and he wishes he’s really six years old again.
“The merry-go-round,” answers Heechul. His eyes are a bit unreadable, but Hangeng can tell he’s being flooded with nostalgia as they look at each other, Heechul’s bright strands of hair blowing in front of his face and hiding his emotions as they are silent.
“What?” Heechul challenges, something twinkling in his eyes, “I’ve always loved the colorful horses, okay?” Hangeng smiles in return and Heechul continues, “When I was little I wanted to be a prince and ride around in fancy clothes and horses.”
“Well you’re a princess now. Doesn’t that mean anything?” Hangeng teases, squeezing Heechul’s hand just a bit tighter. The latter smirks at him and rolls his eyes, “C’mon, you dork. Let’s go on some rides!”
---
The first ride they go on is the Ferris wheel because it just looks so pretty at the time of day and the view is spectacular from the top. Heechul’s never been a real fan of heights but when they’re at the top of the Ferris wheel staring down at the city and the fairgrounds below them, it gives him and majestic and freeing kind of feeling that he simply can’t get enough of. Even the fresh breezes in the air refreshes him and blows through his hair, tickling Hangeng’s face. Heechul leans into Hangeng for a long time as they watch over the city, feeling the peacefulness of being up so high and looking down at the world. Time seems to stop for a moment and he wishes he doesn’t have to come back down to earth and to float away in the heavens forever.
When they get back down, Heechul is still a bit dizzy from the sudden change in elevation and he has to cling tightly to Hangeng’s arm to prevent from collapsing on the ground because his knees are weak but his heart is pounding fiercely in his chest.
“That was fun,” he says in a thrilled voice, eyes wild.
Hangeng chuckles in response, “Really? It seems like you’re a bit nauseous. You don’t look so good.”
Pushing away Hangeng’s worries, Heechul plasters a bright smile on his face and announces that he now wants cotton candy and caramel apples.
“You’re such a kid at heart,” is what Hangeng smiles against his mouth as they make their way to the cotton candy booth down the pathway.
“Then you’re most likely a pedophile,” is Heechul’s smart comeback as he smirks at the incredulous Hangeng who’s just a bit speechless.
---
The rest of the warm, hazy day passes in a blur and Heechul tries really hard to remember everything that happens because it’s not every day that he gets to see Hangeng walking around with silly makeup on his face and have cotton candy melting between their mouths. And it’s definitely not every day that they can be this carefree and relaxed and really, it’s the least he can do to try to remember everything down to the tiniest detail.
After they argue for five minutes about which color of cotton candy to get and whether or not they should get a caramel apple with peanuts or no peanuts or maybe with chocolate or white chocolate and the lady in the booth glares at them dully and Heechul smiles widely back at her. It catches her off guard and he takes this moment to press a loud, obnoxious smacking kiss against Hangeng’s cheek, causing the lady’s mouth to fall open. These days there are simply not that many full grown men walking around in amusement parks, showing public displays of affection so he’s not that taken aback by her reaction, but he’s still offended that people are still so discriminating when the world has grown to become such a diverse, advancing place.
He’s about to tell Hangeng about how he feels offended when the latter shoves a giant blue cotton candy in his face and tells him to eat it, and then all angry thoughts are long lost in the wind.
After the cotton candy and outrageously sweet caramel coated apples, they limp over to the carousel with slight stomach aches because of all the sugary things they’d been eating. All Heechul can remember about the merry-go-round is the shiver of delight he gets when he picks one of the prettiest horses to sit on (a blue and pink pastel one with golden reins) while Hangeng stands next to him and presses warm kisses on his lips that taste endlessly like sugary cotton candy while little kids stare strangely at the two grown men on the carousel.
Heechul dislikes the stupid roller coaster that has too many drops and it’s all Hangeng’s fault because he makes Heechul go on it even though he tells him he has always disliked roller coasters. In the end, Heechul gets off the roller coaster with his head spinning and throws up his lunch on Hangeng’s shoes and then all the problems are solved.
Their favorite is probably the boat ride across the small man made pond. It is dusky twilight and they float across the silent, rippling water in the little boat and Hangeng lets Heechul lean on his shoulder as they stare up at the red and yellow fading sky, watching as the last bits of sunlight disappear behind the horizon. The lights that light up around the pond are small and yellow like little fireflies and it makes Heechul have an aching urge to go to the countryside where they can lay on untouched fields of wild grass and dance among the parade of fireflies.
He tells Hangeng this, and then there’s a promise made of a road trip soon where they can look up at the night sky with its endless twinkling stars and do just that - sleep among the fire flies.
---
The day ends peacefully and satisfyingly - without too much overexcitement, like the ending to a fairy tale that’s supposed to be happily ever after but no one really knows if it’s really happily ever after or not. Hangeng drives them home and on the way home, Heechul falls asleep on the freeway, face tucked into his fur hoodie and his bright hair highlighting the way the city lights reflect off it. Hangeng thanks the heavens that Heechul is asleep and doesn’t see the black car that follows them halfway home and has Hangeng’s hands shaking and sweaty against the driver’s wheel.
He’s tucked gently in bed by Hangeng who carries him all the way up the two flights of stairs into their apartment and all the way into the hallway to the bedroom. He feels himself being plopped down on the downy sheets of the bed and at first the cool sheets are too cold for his taste, but after a moment he feels Hangeng against his body, instantly warming up the cold emptiness of the air.
And then he falls sound asleep like a little baby, like a princess who’s yet to be woken up by her prince; he falls asleep and does not have any nightmares. Only images of unicorns and carousels and purple colored cotton candy, because Hangeng sings him into a peaceful slumber with his soft-spoken voice and abbreviated consonants and it’s so addicting and hypnotizing that he has no other choice but to forget all the worries of the world.
---
Lazy afternoons and dull evenings have never bothered Heechul before and he finds himself at peace the next day when he gets to close shop early and head home before the sun even is anywhere near setting. Sungmin decides to come over and make kimbap for dinner. But of course, the main reason he even suggests coming over at all is to simply gush about his date with Kyuhyun the newest hottie he’s got his heart set on.
It turns out that Sungmin had an “amazing” time on the date and that Kyuhyun was just so “charming” and the part that Heechul really got a good laugh at is the part when Sungmin can’t stop talking about Kyuhyun’s lovely, elegant long fingers and keeps teasing Sungmin about how there’s got to be a reason why he loves Kyuhyun’s long fingers so much. The latter just turns crimson and says because it looks nice when he plays the piano.
Heechul scoffs at the futile excuse and carries on rolling the rice in the seaweed.
“So you’re finally over Siwon, then?” Heechul asks hopefully, raising an eyebrow at his best friend dressed in a pink beanie.
“Yeah, I guess I finally am, huh? All those waste years for nothing. Nothing at all…” Sungmin sighs, pressing the roll down especially hard.
“How come you thought he was jealous when you asked Kyuhyun out though?” he asks the him.
“I don’t know. Maybe it was just my imagination…” says Sungmin, trailing off, and suddenly there’s an uncomfortable tinge on his words.
“Yeah. It probably would be better not to overanalyze it or anything,” Heechul continues, glancing over at Sungmin to make sure he’s not thinking anything stupid.
“Mhmm,” the other replies softly, seeming as if he’s lost in another world.
A silence slips in between them and none of them says anything for a long while, just rolling seaweed and rice together with other ingredients shoved in between there. It’s been a while since they’ve made real food together.
“So,” says Heechul, breaking the silence, “you wanted me to invite Kibum and Jonghyun too, right? And we can have a triple date once Kyuhyun comes?”
There’s not much of an answer when Heechul looks over at Sungmin who only nods his head slightly, not really knowing what Heechul just asked him. And Heechul is afraid Sungmin’s already thinking too much, and that it might be too late to pull him back.
---
Dinner that night isn’t the usual quiet dinner that Heechul and Hangeng have each night, it’s quite busy and loud because Sungmin and Jonghyun are already drunk before dinner even starts so they’re being excessively obnoxious and loud. Kyuhyun on the other hand is definitely handsome and manly, as Heechul notes and he agrees that Kyuhyun seems like a charming guy who’s a gentleman. Kibum, however, looks completely ticked off at Jonghyun being a blathering idiot and continues scolding him for drinking so much throughout the entire dinner.
Heechul takes one look at the pair and suddenly remembers why he thought Kibum was such a perfect match for Jonghyun when they had first gotten together - because Kibum is naturally good housewife material and he’s really caring albeit in a nagging way that Jonghyun needs to pull him back down to earth. Not to mention Kibum is controlling and violent so there’s no way Jonghyun can escape Kibum’s wrath whenever he does something wrong, which would teach him some discipline and self control that not many people could enforce on his rebelling baby brother.
The constant nagging simply shows how much Kibum really cares for Jonghyun and that’s the only reason why he’s always so worried. Kind of like the endearing way the Hangeng constantly nags Heechul.
On the other hand, he’s glad to see the cheerful atmosphere around Kyuhyun and Sungmin, just smiling and laughing at each other the whole time. Sungmin flushes furiously every single time Kyuhyun says his name and with the way that Kyuhyun looks at Sungmin definitely tells Heechul something deeper is growing and it makes him feel safe and relieved. Sungmin’s been looking for something like this for so long that it’s a bit overwhelming that it’s actually happening.
---
There’s only been three times in Heechul’s life where he feels like the world has literally stopped and such a panic seizes his heart that he’s frozen in one spot with the sound of panic and chaos deafening in his ears.
The first time is when he gets a phone call from his mom in school that his grandma just had a heart attack and she’s been admitted to the nearby hospital. He remembers instantly bursting into tears in the middle of class and the amount of panic that rose inside his throat was enough to make him throw up his entire lunch. She was fine in the end though, but relief hits him just as hard when he gets the news and from then on he’s never liked surprises too much.
The second time hits so close to home that Heechul locks himself up in his bedroom for an entire week and refuses to come out. It happens when Heechul is at the bookstore, and it’s been only a couple weeks since the shop had opened. He remembers getting a phone call from the hospital across their apartment and a nurse informing him of how Hangeng had just been in a fatal car crash and his condition was unstable. It was that moment that Heechul’s heart stopped beating for a couple seconds because everything inside of him just sank down to rock bottom and he hadn’t known what to do at all. He had rushed to the hospital in a panicked flurry but when he got there, falling into a pile of tears and sobbing against Hangeng’s hospital bedside, a couple nurses had come into the room and assured him that Hangeng’s condition had just grown stable and everything would be okay. He almost passed out from the relief and he remembers running to the bathroom to puke out his breakfast in the men’s toilet because everything was just too much to handle at that point.
The third time is right now, Heechul’s heart is stopping as he looks Hangeng in the eyes, a disbelieving utter panic rising in his throat and he knows what’s going to come next, and clenches his fist in order to control it.
It’s only been about half an hour from earlier when Hangeng was clearing the dishes from the dinner table and they settle on the couch in front of the television. Hangeng is silent and subdued at first, not saying much, but there’s something so strange about the way they are acting that Heechul can almost taste the bitter tension in the air.
The first words that Hangeng says are, “Heechul, I have something really important to tell you…”
There are no words in response, only a shuffle in his hair as the red-head looks up at Hangeng expectantly. He should have known at that moment that Hangeng rarely ever did this “talk” thing and that it would be very serious if he did feel the need to “talk”.
In the beginning, Heechul knew something was already wrong but he could have never imagined it was that horrifying.
Hangeng was brushing Heechul’s hair out of his face so that he could look at him clearly without anything in the way, but Heechul notices the way that Hangeng’s fingers are shaking when he touches his face.
Heechul nods at the latter, encouraging him to continue. What could have possibly been so serious that it’s been plaguing Hangeng for these past weeks?
“There’s something I haven’t told you about that I know I should have as soon as possible. But please, please bear with me, Heechul. I’m telling you right now and I need you to listen,” he continues, voice wavering and snake of worry slithers its way into Heechul’s heart and it lays there, waiting for the perfect time to strike.
Heechul nods again, signaling Hangeng to go on.
“I…” Hangeng starts, but then cuts himself off, face cringing in frustration. “I…know who was the person who came into your shop that one day a while ago,” he finishes in a small whisper.
By this time, Heechul’s fingers are gripping Hangeng’s hand extra hard, his knuckles turning white, “What?” his question is in a hoarse whisper.
“What did you say?”
Pause. “I said…I know who she was who came into the bookshop asking for someone…”
“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?” Heechul gasps, his voice no longer there but he’s actually more worried about finding out the truth. Who was she then?
“Because,” Hangeng pauses to breathe in slowly, but his breath is shaky, “because I wasn’t sure until a couple days ago and yet I still wanted to make sure.”
“Alright then. Tell me who she is.”
Hangeng begins slowly, as if he’s afraid Heechul is a ticking time bomb waiting for the right moment to explode, “her name is Lin Xi-feng.”
“Okay…and?”
“She was looking for me when she came into your shop,” Hangeng blurts out, eyes showing how frustrated and anxious he is.
“What?”
“She came looking for me, Heechul. She’s got people with her. She’s dangerous; lethal even. And I’m so stupid for taking so long to tell you this because you could have been in danger this entire time. And I wouldn’t have been able to do anything…”
Heechul starts to find it difficult to breathe and looks at Hangeng with an incredulous and confused look, “What do you mean? Why is she dangerous?” The terror is seeping into his voice now, and he inhales slowly to calm himself down. What the hell is going on?
A comforting hand rubs against the back of Heechul’s palm. “Alright, listen to me, okay? I promise to tell you everything,” Hangeng says quietly, eyes so desperate and pleading that Heechul can’t do anything but nod in agreement.
“When I lived in China with my family…we were always really poor and my parents worked really hard on the small patch of farmland that we had. We tried to survive off of it, but it never was enough so we all did odd jobs to try to get more money. There was one day when my father was working for someone else’s fields nearby a river. He was never a good swimmer but this is when he slipped off the muddy banks and fell into the river. He was so close to drowning because no one had seen him fall into the river except for a man who was passing by coincidence.
This man saved my father’s life. My father was so grateful that he told the man he would do anything to repay him back. In the end, they came up with some kind of friendly arranged marriage between that man’s daughter and my father’s son, me.
At the time, the man was also a lowly peasant living a simple countryside life. Of course as time passed, many things changed and both my family and his family moved into the city. I was still young during this time so I knew about the marriage but I didn’t really understand what it meant.
During the really rough years when the economy hit a lot of lows, the man who was going to be my father in law began turning to crime. And this is that part that I hate to talk about because I just can’t believe it was how the story had to continue - that man, Mr. Lin, killed his brother who was the leader of the largest mafia organization at the time, secretly, and then he took his place as the leader of that entire group.
Now this is when my parents started becoming scared for our family and me. They didn’t want to marry me into the family of a crime lord. In the end, my parents sent me off to “school in Japan for ballet”. This is the fake story they came up with to tell to Mr. Lin and his daughter, who was still expecting the arranged marriage to stay intact. We told them that I’d return in four years after studying abroad in Japan. Of course, I never went to Japan and my parents just sent me here, hoping that no one would never find me and I would be safe. After about two years of being in Korea and nothing violent had happened with Mr. Lin yet, my parents were able to quietly leave the country as well without being traced. They’re now safe and living with my aunt and relatives in Australia. I’m glad they got far away because now…well, now they’ve found out where I am and they’re coming to get me back for escaping,” he takes a slow breath, gauging Heechul’s reaction but the latter is unreadable. There is a long, silent string of tension that hangs in the air between them.
“I’m so sorry, Heechul,” Hangeng gasps, pressing his face against Heechul’s limp hands. “I’m so sorry I never told you. I just…I couldn’t tell you.”
Heechul doesn’t say anything for a long time, his face is pale now, arms limp and numb on his lap, and a million thoughts are running through his mind, but at the same time there’s so much things he’s trying to cram into his brain that nothing’s really registering at all.
“I’m just telling you this now because it’s now crucial and life-threatening. I can’t have you here with your life risked and in danger. I need you to be safe, Heechul, please listen to me. So I’m telling you this so you can be safer. I promise to get you to a safe place,” Hangeng continues in a frantic whisper, eyes broken and wild. After a while he sadly adds, “I’ll get you to a safe place where you won’t be beside me so you won’t be in jeopardy, I promise.”
The world seems to have to slowed to an absolutely standstill, and there’s nothing that makes sense to Heechul anymore - what is supposed to happen now?
“All this time…?” Heechul finally says in a broken whisper. “All this time…how could you have not told me?” he asks, alas looking up at the other, angry tears streaming down his face, his expression torn so badly it crumples up Hangeng’s heart.
A soft, heartbroken sigh leaves Hangeng and he reaches to grasp Heechul’s hand, “I’m so sorry, please, Heechul, please. I’m so sorry. I know I should have told you but I couldn’t.”
“Everything that I’ve known about you…everything was only to cover up your past,” Heechul continues, incredulous and at the same time frighteningly silent.
“No, no it wasn’t Heechul. I’m still the person you know and love. I really am,” Hangeng pleads, desperate. He’s on his knees now, hands squeezing Heechul’s tightly.
Without an answer, Heechul simply shakes his head as more tears fall from his face.
In a moment, he is up on his feet and wrenching his hands out of Hangeng’s grasp. “I don’t…want to believe anything you say right now,” he finally answers in a barely audible whisper.
Hangeng closes his eyes and lets go of Heechul’s hands. “I know…” he says sadly. “I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for doing this...But please, at least understand why I did it…”
Again, there is no answer and Heechul exhales shakily, trying to suppress those stupid, hot tears from welling up inside of him and spilling down his face. He turns away now, not bothering to give Hangeng one final glance and walks towards the hallway, hands balled into clenched fists as he descends into the doorway towards their bedroom.
The wooden door closes shut behind him so quietly that Hangeng winces, wishing Heechul would have just slammed it instead; it would make him feel less guilty for doing this to Heechul.
How could he have been so stupid as to not realize he’d been putting Heechul in danger all this time?
He doesn’t go after Heechul and plead for him to open the door and listen to him or anything like that. There’s really not much to be done anymore. What’s happened has happened and now all he can do it wait it out and hope for the best. He’s said everything he has to say and he’s mentally preparing himself for the worst case scenario of what Heechul’s reaction might be.
---