Adam, Fandom and Me
This post began as a comment to eleanor_lavish as a reaction to the Out fiasco. When it very quickly became apparent that I was just starting to sort of spew out my personal thoughts on Adam-fandom in general into the comment box, it became its own post instead.
Before I start this, a few quick points: I like Adam. But I barely follow his press or career at this point, and under the cut is all of my reasoning. Since I haven't been following much, I apologize if I am grossly misinformed on some major details/specifics. Feel free to point out anything like that, because I'd appreciate the information.
Also to start: I like Adam. As a performer I like him 100% of the time, as a singer roughly 40% of the time, and as a person about 99.9% of the time. (For the record, my .1% exception being his seemingly willful choice to remain stubbornly apolitical in the way that he's choosing to do it. I can respect him for not wanting to be explicitly political and I have no problem with that. The thing is, regardless of anything, he is implicitly political simply by existing right now, and I think he needs to acknowledge that at least on a very basic level instead of pretending it just isn't there if he says it isn't there.) And because I like Adam, even though I don't love his music so much, I care about him and I want him to do well and I want to support him.
The extent of this post has two main discussion points. A) My thoughts on me and Adam-fandom in general and B) Some thoughts on the Out thing specifically.
Here's the thing: I am discovering more and more that I have a bit of a problem (conundrum? issue?) with Adam-fandom.
I have discovered that I just CAN'T HANDLE all of the fandom parts of being an Adam fan. You guys know me, I HATE controversy. Regardless of what side I'm on, regardless of who's 'right' or 'wrong'. (That doesn't mean I don't care or don't believe or won't stand up very passionately for certain issues [ie, marriage equality]; I just can't stand every single second of all the utter crap that goes along with all sides of every kind of controversy. And when I feel strongly enough about an issue to stand up for it, and thus participate in the controversy, I still hate it, but I DO it because I HAVE to and it's important.)
And Adam, as we know, is a giant ball of controversy and he likes it that way. He WANTS to stir the shit and get people talking. The thing is, Adam does this with the best of intentions; he wants to get people talking about him, so long as it all ultimately flows to being about his music. It's a good ideal to have and I can't fault him for it and sometimes it actually IS and that's awesome. But mostly it's not, due to the distorting nature of controversy.
Most of what makes up a lot of the crap surrounding controversy is ignorance and presumption and making broad, ignorant statements with a basis in presumption instead of fact. Reading all of these letters and opinions and rebuttals on the Out thing made me shake my head in disbelief (even the rational ones that I agreed with, simply because they HAD TO BE SAID AT ALL), and I couldn't even get through a fraction of the comments to any of them because of that concept times 84508674506. (More on my opinions on the Out thing specifically later in this post.)
What it boils down to is that fandom is supposed to be FUN. Basically everything about Adam fandom for me is laid over with this huge, thick fog of, well, the-opposite-of-fun. That's not to say Adam is. I've seen/heard some of the songs/videos and the album and single art and been able to form my own opinions (for the record in a nutshell, in case anyone cares: Love FYE single/art, hate TMF song and video, hate album cover art but love all inside liner art, haven't heard other song clips yet but I'm SO EXCITED). But when it comes to Adam fandom, that is to say, when anyone not-me (with, to be fair, several very notable exceptions and of course the a general exception my friends list, whose opinions I value all the time regardless of agree/disagree factors) is involved, it tends to sour to the whole experience for me very, very fast. Because everything is made to be controversial, whether is actually is or not. And I just... can't deal with it.
Some of you may see that as a cop-out, and maybe it is. But the sad truth is that over the past two months or so it has majorly cooled down my participation and interest in Adam's career. Let's say you really like ice cream. But every time you eat ice cream, someone comes out and beats on you with boxing gloves until you finish eating. Makes you maybe not want to have ice cream so often, right? :-/
Now to get a bit more specific on the Out situation. These kinds of things have happened before in Adam-fandom on a smaller scale and will again on smaller and bigger scales, I'm sure. Every single time he sings, talks, interviews, tweets, dates, changes his clothes/hair/nailpolish, releases a song, makes a video, blinks -- it's all being micro-analyzed for the purposes of pretty much everyone's own personal agenda (or, what some of these people presume to be the agenda of the 'group' they most identify with). Whether those intentions are noble or malicious, 'right' or 'wrong', it is still happening.
This was my biggest sticking point to both 'sides' of the main debate here (specifically: Aaron Hicklin's letter and Adam's managements actions/supposed actions).
First and foremost, it is completely and unequivocally so far beyond not okay for Adam's handlers to have cautioned Shana (or anyone) not to make the interview "too gay" or "gay-gay" in so very many ways. There's the offense and homophobic phrasing, the concept of someone thinking they have the ability or right to place a judgment on someone else's 'level of gayness', the fact that they asked that concept of a reporter from a gay publication with obviously gay-related priorities. Also, they seem to forget that they are saying this about Adam Lambert, whom I have never known to be the kind of dude who compromises his identity or censors himself for anyone anyways. True to form, he was very open in the actual interview - which had a lot of pretty gay content, obviously, that Adam didn't flinch from for a second. And if Shana had asked him 'too-gay' (*eyeroll*) questions that he didn't want to address, Adam would have... chosen not to answer, unapologetically. And... there still would have been controversy, because there always is. Too gay or not gay enough. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
On the other side of this situation, while I generally agree almost completely with the Out editor and reporter's letters/stances, I took personal issue with something Hicklin said. He is well within his rights to have his opinion, mind you. But the inclusion of this certain specific thought/phrasing in an letter that otherwise spoke ill of the handlers and very highly of Adam himselfseemed to reveal just how big of a factor Hicklin's own interpretations of Adam's importance to the 'gay agenda' (again, with the broad definitions and individuals thinking they have the right to speak on behalf of an entire group) were to part of the possible reasons he took exception to the situation. Emphasis is mine: You're a pioneer, an out gay pop idol at the start of his career. Someone has to be first, and we're all counting on you not to mess this up. You have to find your own path and then others can follow..
Um, excuse him? We're all counting on you not to mess this up? That struck absolutely the wrong nerve with me. Who is he to say that to someone, or to presume to know what 'mess this up' would even entail? Does he have some sort of secret information on the Correct Way To Be Gay And Famous that he's waiting for Adam to play out? And also, this implies to me that he presumes that 'messing this up' would mean the same thing or be the same path for every member of the gay community.
But, again, this circles around right back to the concept that whether he likes it or not, Adam IS being used (by ALL sides) as a political tool/manipulator/example/pioneer/case study. Those with the worst of intentions want to see him as a bad example and use him as a scapegoat, those with the best dissect him as a scientific case study on Young, Cool And Gay or shine a spot light on him as the Neil Armstrong of a New Gay Frontier. Adam doesn't want to be any of these things, and is choosing to refuse to own up to the fact that he is being cast in these roles anyways. Some think it hurts him, some say it helps.
Where I stand in this spectrum is irrelevant to the point I'm attempting to make, though most of you can probably guess. The fact that this is happening and there isn't really a circumstance in which I could have ever seen this play out in a way that this wouldn't be inevitable makes me very sad for all sides of the situation (including Adam in the middle) in different ways, honestly.
All that said, I respect the opinions that every single one of you has on the matters at hand. I don't mean any of this as a personal attack/rebuttal to anything specific anyone has said, aside from the points I took from the three original sources I mentioned. Please feel free to discuss points I brought up, so long as you extend me the same courtesy of respecting my opinions too.
And if anyone wants to commiserate (or disagree completely!) with my conundrum involving my participation in Adam fandom, please do that too. <3
(I haven't really read back through to edit this, so please forgive mistakes. Or point them out for me to correct. It's all very stream of consciousness and I'm too close to the project right now to be able to re-read it effectively at the moment, as it were.)
Before I start this, a few quick points: I like Adam. But I barely follow his press or career at this point, and under the cut is all of my reasoning. Since I haven't been following much, I apologize if I am grossly misinformed on some major details/specifics. Feel free to point out anything like that, because I'd appreciate the information.
Also to start: I like Adam. As a performer I like him 100% of the time, as a singer roughly 40% of the time, and as a person about 99.9% of the time. (For the record, my .1% exception being his seemingly willful choice to remain stubbornly apolitical in the way that he's choosing to do it. I can respect him for not wanting to be explicitly political and I have no problem with that. The thing is, regardless of anything, he is implicitly political simply by existing right now, and I think he needs to acknowledge that at least on a very basic level instead of pretending it just isn't there if he says it isn't there.) And because I like Adam, even though I don't love his music so much, I care about him and I want him to do well and I want to support him.
The extent of this post has two main discussion points. A) My thoughts on me and Adam-fandom in general and B) Some thoughts on the Out thing specifically.
Here's the thing: I am discovering more and more that I have a bit of a problem (conundrum? issue?) with Adam-fandom.
I have discovered that I just CAN'T HANDLE all of the fandom parts of being an Adam fan. You guys know me, I HATE controversy. Regardless of what side I'm on, regardless of who's 'right' or 'wrong'. (That doesn't mean I don't care or don't believe or won't stand up very passionately for certain issues [ie, marriage equality]; I just can't stand every single second of all the utter crap that goes along with all sides of every kind of controversy. And when I feel strongly enough about an issue to stand up for it, and thus participate in the controversy, I still hate it, but I DO it because I HAVE to and it's important.)
And Adam, as we know, is a giant ball of controversy and he likes it that way. He WANTS to stir the shit and get people talking. The thing is, Adam does this with the best of intentions; he wants to get people talking about him, so long as it all ultimately flows to being about his music. It's a good ideal to have and I can't fault him for it and sometimes it actually IS and that's awesome. But mostly it's not, due to the distorting nature of controversy.
Most of what makes up a lot of the crap surrounding controversy is ignorance and presumption and making broad, ignorant statements with a basis in presumption instead of fact. Reading all of these letters and opinions and rebuttals on the Out thing made me shake my head in disbelief (even the rational ones that I agreed with, simply because they HAD TO BE SAID AT ALL), and I couldn't even get through a fraction of the comments to any of them because of that concept times 84508674506. (More on my opinions on the Out thing specifically later in this post.)
What it boils down to is that fandom is supposed to be FUN. Basically everything about Adam fandom for me is laid over with this huge, thick fog of, well, the-opposite-of-fun. That's not to say Adam is. I've seen/heard some of the songs/videos and the album and single art and been able to form my own opinions (for the record in a nutshell, in case anyone cares: Love FYE single/art, hate TMF song and video, hate album cover art but love all inside liner art, haven't heard other song clips yet but I'm SO EXCITED). But when it comes to Adam fandom, that is to say, when anyone not-me (with, to be fair, several very notable exceptions and of course the a general exception my friends list, whose opinions I value all the time regardless of agree/disagree factors) is involved, it tends to sour to the whole experience for me very, very fast. Because everything is made to be controversial, whether is actually is or not. And I just... can't deal with it.
Some of you may see that as a cop-out, and maybe it is. But the sad truth is that over the past two months or so it has majorly cooled down my participation and interest in Adam's career. Let's say you really like ice cream. But every time you eat ice cream, someone comes out and beats on you with boxing gloves until you finish eating. Makes you maybe not want to have ice cream so often, right? :-/
Now to get a bit more specific on the Out situation. These kinds of things have happened before in Adam-fandom on a smaller scale and will again on smaller and bigger scales, I'm sure. Every single time he sings, talks, interviews, tweets, dates, changes his clothes/hair/nailpolish, releases a song, makes a video, blinks -- it's all being micro-analyzed for the purposes of pretty much everyone's own personal agenda (or, what some of these people presume to be the agenda of the 'group' they most identify with). Whether those intentions are noble or malicious, 'right' or 'wrong', it is still happening.
This was my biggest sticking point to both 'sides' of the main debate here (specifically: Aaron Hicklin's letter and Adam's managements actions/supposed actions).
First and foremost, it is completely and unequivocally so far beyond not okay for Adam's handlers to have cautioned Shana (or anyone) not to make the interview "too gay" or "gay-gay" in so very many ways. There's the offense and homophobic phrasing, the concept of someone thinking they have the ability or right to place a judgment on someone else's 'level of gayness', the fact that they asked that concept of a reporter from a gay publication with obviously gay-related priorities. Also, they seem to forget that they are saying this about Adam Lambert, whom I have never known to be the kind of dude who compromises his identity or censors himself for anyone anyways. True to form, he was very open in the actual interview - which had a lot of pretty gay content, obviously, that Adam didn't flinch from for a second. And if Shana had asked him 'too-gay' (*eyeroll*) questions that he didn't want to address, Adam would have... chosen not to answer, unapologetically. And... there still would have been controversy, because there always is. Too gay or not gay enough. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
On the other side of this situation, while I generally agree almost completely with the Out editor and reporter's letters/stances, I took personal issue with something Hicklin said. He is well within his rights to have his opinion, mind you. But the inclusion of this certain specific thought/phrasing in an letter that otherwise spoke ill of the handlers and very highly of Adam himselfseemed to reveal just how big of a factor Hicklin's own interpretations of Adam's importance to the 'gay agenda' (again, with the broad definitions and individuals thinking they have the right to speak on behalf of an entire group) were to part of the possible reasons he took exception to the situation. Emphasis is mine: You're a pioneer, an out gay pop idol at the start of his career. Someone has to be first, and we're all counting on you not to mess this up. You have to find your own path and then others can follow..
Um, excuse him? We're all counting on you not to mess this up? That struck absolutely the wrong nerve with me. Who is he to say that to someone, or to presume to know what 'mess this up' would even entail? Does he have some sort of secret information on the Correct Way To Be Gay And Famous that he's waiting for Adam to play out? And also, this implies to me that he presumes that 'messing this up' would mean the same thing or be the same path for every member of the gay community.
But, again, this circles around right back to the concept that whether he likes it or not, Adam IS being used (by ALL sides) as a political tool/manipulator/example/pioneer/case study. Those with the worst of intentions want to see him as a bad example and use him as a scapegoat, those with the best dissect him as a scientific case study on Young, Cool And Gay or shine a spot light on him as the Neil Armstrong of a New Gay Frontier. Adam doesn't want to be any of these things, and is choosing to refuse to own up to the fact that he is being cast in these roles anyways. Some think it hurts him, some say it helps.
Where I stand in this spectrum is irrelevant to the point I'm attempting to make, though most of you can probably guess. The fact that this is happening and there isn't really a circumstance in which I could have ever seen this play out in a way that this wouldn't be inevitable makes me very sad for all sides of the situation (including Adam in the middle) in different ways, honestly.
All that said, I respect the opinions that every single one of you has on the matters at hand. I don't mean any of this as a personal attack/rebuttal to anything specific anyone has said, aside from the points I took from the three original sources I mentioned. Please feel free to discuss points I brought up, so long as you extend me the same courtesy of respecting my opinions too.
And if anyone wants to commiserate (or disagree completely!) with my conundrum involving my participation in Adam fandom, please do that too. <3
(I haven't really read back through to edit this, so please forgive mistakes. Or point them out for me to correct. It's all very stream of consciousness and I'm too close to the project right now to be able to re-read it effectively at the moment, as it were.)