(no subject)
i've been googling "columbia S&M" and similar search terms to see what folks have been saying about us. i am astounded at the level of hatred - lazy hatred - of which humanity can be capable.
politically, my head is generally in the sand. my roommate, when i spoke to him about this in the few moments we get to chat in the morning, was a little rough on me - that suddenly i'm so wounded and maligned by conservatives, but only because now it's about me.
literally. to be honest, i don't know if i'd be reacting this way if i hadn't been Dov's demo bottom. it would feel more third-person to me - "i should help them" instead of "we should respond." i know that a percentage of my fire about this comes from a childish longing for the spotlight. so my motive's not exactly pure. but at least a few chambers of my heart feel like they're in the right place, which is standing behind my friends and behind a mode of thinking, a practice, and a craft that is admittedly scary but ultimately the opposite of morally reprehensible.
seriously, we've got to respond - if only to put some different buzz about us and about BDSM and about how the world should look at college students and how not everything columbia/barnard students do is "of the rich" and how not all sex that you are not having is an orgy.
you know this is getting on me because it's 3:15 and damn i need my sleep.
i know that there's a sliver of a chance that some Feiden-Coulterite got all fired up and went digging for names and he'll find this journal and figure out who i am and i'll be hauled before the media and i'll be forced to make some kind of statement and it will be shocking except that i will be collected and articulate and will mordantly point out the paradox in all of this, and i'll temper my kinkiness with the chick-lit tone that America loves and see what i mean about that childish longing for the spotlight? how often have i dreamt of being The Beautiful Woman Who Wins Battles With Words? It's like Much Ado's Beatrice with a microphone and a pair of cuffs.
If you go back in that last paragraph, you can see the exact point at which my minute-by-minute headspace went from submissive to dominant, and that's why i love being me.
This post doesn't make sense - I'm just kind of spitting out random thoughts. Limelight fantasies aside, I do really believe that CV needs to respond as a group, that this could be an unbelievably positive thing for the group if only because Feiden and Coulter set the bar so low (a) in terms of their behavior, and (b) in terms of how we are supposedly behaving.
i also came out as kinky to my mom yesterday. hastily, yes. but suddenly i had to - maybe to hear the most immediate objecting voice, instead of Ann Coulter's? Needless to say, though, my mom is vastly more understanding and accepting.
politically, my head is generally in the sand. my roommate, when i spoke to him about this in the few moments we get to chat in the morning, was a little rough on me - that suddenly i'm so wounded and maligned by conservatives, but only because now it's about me.
literally. to be honest, i don't know if i'd be reacting this way if i hadn't been Dov's demo bottom. it would feel more third-person to me - "i should help them" instead of "we should respond." i know that a percentage of my fire about this comes from a childish longing for the spotlight. so my motive's not exactly pure. but at least a few chambers of my heart feel like they're in the right place, which is standing behind my friends and behind a mode of thinking, a practice, and a craft that is admittedly scary but ultimately the opposite of morally reprehensible.
seriously, we've got to respond - if only to put some different buzz about us and about BDSM and about how the world should look at college students and how not everything columbia/barnard students do is "of the rich" and how not all sex that you are not having is an orgy.
you know this is getting on me because it's 3:15 and damn i need my sleep.
i know that there's a sliver of a chance that some Feiden-Coulterite got all fired up and went digging for names and he'll find this journal and figure out who i am and i'll be hauled before the media and i'll be forced to make some kind of statement and it will be shocking except that i will be collected and articulate and will mordantly point out the paradox in all of this, and i'll temper my kinkiness with the chick-lit tone that America loves and see what i mean about that childish longing for the spotlight? how often have i dreamt of being The Beautiful Woman Who Wins Battles With Words? It's like Much Ado's Beatrice with a microphone and a pair of cuffs.
If you go back in that last paragraph, you can see the exact point at which my minute-by-minute headspace went from submissive to dominant, and that's why i love being me.
This post doesn't make sense - I'm just kind of spitting out random thoughts. Limelight fantasies aside, I do really believe that CV needs to respond as a group, that this could be an unbelievably positive thing for the group if only because Feiden and Coulter set the bar so low (a) in terms of their behavior, and (b) in terms of how we are supposedly behaving.
i also came out as kinky to my mom yesterday. hastily, yes. but suddenly i had to - maybe to hear the most immediate objecting voice, instead of Ann Coulter's? Needless to say, though, my mom is vastly more understanding and accepting.