Something Wicked This Way Hums, Part Two of Four
Title: Something Wicked This Way Hums
Summary: AU in which a teenaged Dean accidentally joins the McKinley High Glee Club. (What? It could happen to anyone.) Complications, and Rachel Berry, ensue. The way complications, and Rachel Berry, do.
Details: About 15,500 words in total, PG-13, no real spoilers for either show.
Pairing: Dean/Rachel
Warnings: Utter disregard for canon timelines, mild insanity, and show tunes.
Disclaimer: None of these lovely people are mine.
Notes: Thanks to mountain_born, my extraordinary beta, and varadia, who let me babble at her about this story for weeks.
Back to Part One
Whatever Rachel Wants, Rachel Gets
It's kind of amazing. As far as Dean can tell, declining to become a Cheerio has done even more for his badass reputation than twisting the arm of a hockey player did. By Friday, Karofsky is old news. Dean is now "you know, the one who shot down Coach Sylvester."
One nerdy little dweeb even stops him in the hallway, grabs his arms, and announces, "You, New Kid, are my hero." Then drops his voice to a whisper to add, "But don't tell Coach Sylvester I said so."
So far, despite Coach Sylvester's prediction that he'll rue the day, the only negative impact is that he seems to be getting something of a cold shoulder from the three Cheerios in Glee Club. But, honestly, their shoulders are hardly the parts Dean tends to pay attention to, anyway.
He's just about decided that his first week at McKinley High has been a success, as first weeks in a new school go, when someone links their arm through his. Fortunately, at this point, he's had a lot of practice at not punching his fellow students when they abruptly grab his arms. Which is good, because this is Rachel.
"So," she says, like it's perfectly normal for them to be walking down the hall arm in arm, "now that you're in Glee Club, I'm making you my new project."
"You really don't have to do that," Dean says. He's not real clear on what she's talking about, but whatever it is, she doesn’t need to do it.
"The timbre of your voice is actually quite pleasant," Rachel continues. "You just need to work on singing the right notes. And not being sharp. Or flat. I can help with that. I'll give you personal singing lessons."
Dean stops walking. "Whoa. Um, look, Rachel, I'm not anyone's project. So unless 'personal singing lessons' is supposed to be some kind of code for seeing what's under that . . . pinafore, I'm really not interested."
"I accept."
Dean takes a step back. She's got this smile. And she looks scary.
The kind of scary that makes him wish he was packing holy water.
Or an AK-47.
"Accept what?" he asks.
"Your invitation. You can pick me up at eight."
She's gone halfway down the hall before Dean works out what just happened.
Does she think he just . . .
Is she expecting him to . . .
Maybe he should have just punched her.
Watercolored Memories of the Way We Aren't
"I kind of have this date tonight," Dean says, at dinner, in the moment both Dad and Sam have their mouths full. It buys him maybe an extra second before Dad says, "Kind of?" and Sam says, "Who with?"
Sam's question is easier, and Dean starts with it. "Rachel. She's this girl I know from . . . um . . . Glee Club. Pass the salt, Sammy."
Sam does, but it doesn't stop him from asking, "What's Glee Club?"
"It's a choir," Dad says, when Dean doesn't answer the question.
His sons both stare at him.
"Don't they teach you anything in school any more?" Dad asks.
Sam recovers first. "You joined a choir? Have they heard you sing? Because you suck. No, you, like, whatever's even worse than sucking."
"That's enough, Sam," Dad says.
"Well, he does," Sam mutters, but lets it drop.
"Look, I didn't mean to," Dean says. "The guidance counselor said I had to do an extracurricular activity, which is not fair at all, because they're supposed to be optional, that's the whole point, right? But whatever. I thought Glee Club was gonna be, you know, like a bunch of people trying to harness the power of positive thinking and all that shi-stuff. Something totally lame and easy to skip. And instead, it's a choir."
"How is anybody that stupid?" Sam asks.
"Shut up," Dean says.
"Enough," Dad says, again. Sam looks like he's got more to say, anyway, but Dad continues before he can. "Your mother was in the Glee Club in high school."
"She was?" Sam asks.
It's news to Dean. He remembers Mom more than Sam does, he even remembers her singing "Hey Jude" when she tucked him into bed at night. But she died when he was four, and if she told him stories about when she was growing up, he doesn't remember them.
"Yeah," Dad says, eyes not quite focused on anything that Dean can see.
Well, crap.
It's not like Mom's not kind of there all the time - the ring on Dad's finger and the empty chair at every table for four. The reason they live the way they do. But there's really no such thing as a casual reference to Mary Winchester.
And now Dad is looking all . . . misty. He looks misty, and even Sam knows to shut up.
Which means that there's now no freaking way Dean can drop out of Glee Club.
"So," Dad says, after a moment, eyes coming back to his older son, "how do you 'kind of' have a date?"
"Um," Dean says. "Okay, I was talking to Rachel, and I didn't ask her out, but she thinks I did so she told me I could pick her up at eight and then she left before I could explain that I didn't ask her out so now she's expecting me and yeah, she's kind of annoying and I think she might be crazy, but I can't just not show up, because you just don't do something like that. So, um, can I borrow the car?"
"I just want to make sure I have this straight, son," Dad says. "First you accidentally joined a choir, and then you accidentally asked a girl from that choir out on a date?"
Dean nods. "Yes, sir."
Dad scrubs a hand across his face, and Dean is expecting the lecture of his life, because, yeah, put like that, Dean sounds like a moron.
And then Dad starts to laugh. He takes the keys to the Impala out of his pocket and slides them across the table to Dean. "Be home by midnight."
I've Had the Time of My Life (But It Wasn't Here With You Tonight)
His date with Rachel doesn't completely suck, it just comes close. She's nice, he guesses, and she's hot, but she never shuts up. She's worse than Sam.
They go miniature golfing, and she talks while they're getting their clubs, while they're walking from hole to hole, while he's trying line up his shots, and even while she's trying to line up her shots, which she's really not very good at. (The girl shoots a nine on the par three windmill. A nine. Dean gets a birdie.)
Every so often, he tries to focus on what she's talking about, but every time he does, he realizes that he doesn't care. It's a lot about musicals, which sound even weirder than Dean thought - apparently there's one with puppets. And one about how the Wicked Witch of the West was just misunderstood.
"Wait, what?" he asks, breaking in when she pauses to breathe. "She was evil. With the flying monkeys and stuff."
Sam had nightmares for weeks about those freakin' monkeys.
"No, she's good. She was trying to save Oz and make things better for everyone, even though she'd been treated as an outsider and ostracized her whole life for being a freak. I so identify. Plus she has some amazing solos. Elphaba is my dream part."
"Elphaba?"
"That's her name. In the musical. Elphaba Thropp."
"Right," Dean says.
"What about you? What's your dream musical part?"
"I don't have one," Dean says. Does he really seem like the kind of guy who has a dream musical part? Really?
"Well, what’s your favorite musical?"
Dean tries to come up with a musical he's ever even seen. "Um. Well, I saw the movie where Johnny Depp was cutting people's throats and stuff."
Dean had gone to see it because Johnny Depp is awesome and, hey, that chick from Fight Club was in it and it looked like a slasher flick with demon barbers, and then there was all this . . . singing.
Totally lame. If he hadn't snuck in, he'd have wanted his money back.
But it's enough to get Rachel started on the topic of movie adaptations of Broadway musicals, and Dean can go back to focusing on the tenth hole.
And then, all of a sudden, Rachel is singing along with the music piped in over the speakers. Which would be horrifying enough if the song hadn't been some Celine Dion thing about driving all night.
"What are you doing?" Dean asks. People are staring.
"I always make it a point to sing along with anything in my range," Rachel says. "Toni Braxton was discovered while singing to herself at a gas station, and she has six Grammys now. You never know who's listening."
Dean looks around, and then gestures to their fellow golfers. "Pretty sure no one at the Lima Putt-Putt is secretly a talent scout."
"But you never know," Rachel says, and gets back to her song.
When he finally does get her to shut up, it's with a good night kiss that lasts about ten minutes, and leaves him revising his estimation of their date up quite a bit.
Dean get home at 11:58, and grins as he tosses the keys back to Dad.
"Did you have a good time?"
"Good enough," Dean says.
"Good. Son?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Next time you ask a girl out, make sure you mean to do it."
You Probably Think This Song Is About You
The rest of weekend passes much more pleasantly than Friday night did. His date on Saturday, after all, is with Santana, who is still overall pretty damn hot, cold shoulders or no. There's a lot less conversation on that one than the one with Rachel, and a lot more kissing (good night and otherwise). There is absolutely no singing. Dean has no complaints.
Sunday is spent on training and helping Dad with the Impala and okay, maybe some homework. Sam is even a little less cranky than usual that day.
Dean walks into McKinley High in a pretty good mood on Monday morning. It lasts until he gets to his locker, where Rachel is waiting for him. And she doesn't look like she's waiting to tell him again what a great time she had.
"How dare you?" she asks.
Dean pauses with his hand on the lock. "How dare I what?"
"You know exactly what."
"No, I really don't." Why do girls do this?
"Santana. How dare you cheat on me with Santana?"
"'Cheat on you'? What? Rachel, you and I went out once. And that's only because-"
"It was implied by your actions that you wanted to engage in a serious and exclusive relationship."
"It was?"
How?
"Well," Rachel say, "this is your loss. If you can't appreciate me, and treat me with respect, I am going to have to break up with you. But you will regret this, when you realize what you had. And what you let get away."
And then she turns on her heel and storms off down the hall before Dean can point out that she cannot break up with him because they were never dating.
There's a definite chill in the choir room, when he arrives. Rachel is in conference with Tina and Mercedes and Kurt, who all look over at him as he comes into the room, and then go back to their discussion. Dean takes the seat next to Artie, whose only comment is to glance at the others and then roll his eyes.
"Okay, guys, let's start," Mr. Schuester says. He writes the word you on the white board behind him. "Let's talk about your assignment for the week."
Oh, and that's another thing. How come extracurriculars are not only mandatory, but come with homework?
"I want you to find a song addressed to another person," he says. "It can be anybody you want - friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, parent, sibling, anyone. Think about something you really want to tell this person, and find a song that conveys that sentiment. But it has to be addressed to the person. It has to use the word . . ." Mr. Schuester reaches back to tap the white board, ". . . you."
There's a general mumbling in reaction and then Rachel's arm shoots into the air. "Mr. Schuester, I would be happy to demonstrate. I know a song that expresses exactly what I'd like to say to someone."
Mr. Schuester gestures go ahead and Rachel takes her place in front of the piano.
Here's the deal. Dean wouldn't exactly describe himself as humble, but he's never thought he was all that vain, either. Furthermore, he doesn't own a Leer Jet, he wouldn't be caught dead an apricot scarf, and he has no idea what it means to gavotte, though he thinks watching yourself do it sounds kind of kinky. But after four minutes of having it sung directly at him from a distance of three feet, yeah, frankly, Dean does think this song is about him.
"Okay, thank you, Rachel," Mr. Schuester says, when she finally finishes. "I think we all get the idea. So I want you all to go home and give this some thought."
"What did you do to her?" Artie asks Dean, quietly.
Dean shrugs. "I don’t know." Which is only sort of true, because he knows she's mad about the Santana thing. He just thinks it seems like a bit of an over reaction from a girl he's known for a week and been on one stupid date with it. "But I know what I'm gonna do to her."
"And what is that?" Artie asks.
"I'm gonna sing something right back at her."
You're No Good for Me, I'm No Good for You
When Dad gets home that evening, Dean is sitting in the floor of the living room, with an aging boombox and every cassette he'd been able to find.
"Son?" Dad says. "What are you doing?"
"He's making a lot of noise while I am trying to study," Sam says, appearing in the door to the kitchen.
"This is my homework," Dean says. "I have to find a song."
Dad looks at the albums in a sprawl around Dean. "Well, I think you have at least one there."
"Yes, but I have to find a song addressed to a 'you' and that I can sing at Rachel," Dean says, dropping Physical Graffiti and picking up Eliminator.
"He's been doing this for hours," Sam says.
"Rachel?" Dad says. "The girl you didn't mean to ask out on a date."
"Yes. Her. Crazy chick."
"And you want to sing at her?"
"It's my assignment for Glee Club. I am trying to find a song that says, Listen up, sweetheart. I cannot have cheated on you because we were never dating, and you can't dump me because again, never dating."
Dad clears his throat, and Dean looks up. Is Dad laughing at him?
"Well, if I think of any songs like that, I'll let you know."
Dad is definitely laughing at him.
"Sammy, why don't you come help me with dinner?" Dad asks. "And Dean, why don't you find some headphones?"
"Yes, sir," they both say, and Dad and Sam vanish off into the kitchen.
It takes hours, but when Dean finally stumbles off to bed that night, he has found the perfect song.
Now he just needs help with it, which means talking to Artie and Finn. It's classic rock, after all, so he's going to need a guitar and some drums.
And since it is kickass classic rock, and not some lameass show tune, they both agree pretty quickly to help him. Artie raises an eyebrow at his choice, but don't say anything. They practice it on Tuesday, and when Mr. Schuester asks for volunteers on Wednesday, Dean puts his hand up.
"Okay, so, ah, I picked a classic, because emo pop was not going to get it done," Dean says. "And Artie and Finn are gonna help. So this a great song by The Guess Who -"
"Do we have to?" Brittany asks. "Guessing games take me a long time."
"Ah, no, that's actually the name of the band. They're Canadian," Dean says. "Anyway, I'm singing this song in response to something someone told me recently, and I think it makes my feelings real clear."
"Okay," Mr. Schuester says. "Take it away, guys."
In Dean's opinion, it's hard to miss The Guess Who's message to the "American Woman." Stay away from me, leave me be, I don't want to see your face no more, I have more important things to do than go miniature golfing with you. No one could misinterpret that. Add a killer baseline and some awesome guitar, and you have a great kiss off song.
Finn puts the final beats on their performance, and Dean turns to Mr. Schuester.
"Well, Dean, that was-"
It's as far as he gets before Rachel jumps up out of her seat and throws her arms around Dean's neck. It's the most surprised he's been since the slushie incident, and for one moment, he thinks she's trying to kill him.
And then he focuses on what she's saying.
"That was so brave. I hadn't given any thought to how hard it must be for you, being at a new school and probably just overwhelmed, and then to have a connection to someone right at the start, like the one we have. I think it's just wonderful that you could get up in front of all of our peers and tell me how you feel. I'm willing to devote time and energy to making this relationship work. I forgive you."
"Um-" Dean says.
But then the bell rings, and she's gone, with something about needing to get to her dance lesson and promising to call him later.
"What just happened?" Dean asks Artie.
"I think you just got Kravitzed. His cover was more about sex appeal and you drive me crazy but in a good way than the original."
"This is why people need to leave the classics alone."
"Amen," Artie says.
The rest of the class has filed out, but Brittany is still sitting there, looking even more vague than usual.
"You okay there?" Dean asks.
"Is it the Beatles?" she asks.
Dean thinks about trying to explain, and then just nods. "Got it in one."
He's Kind of Big and He's Awful Strong
Dean does try to clear up Rachel's misconception about the nature - and, you know, existence - of their relationship. It just doesn't work. She takes his arm in the hall, rests her head on his shoulder in Glee Club, sits with him at lunch. By the end of his third week at McKinley High, Dean seems to be the only person at McKinley High who doesn't think he's dating Rachel Berry.
And while Dean is still trying to get that sorted out, Dad gets a call about some zombies, which sounds like a two-man job, and which means that Dean is the second man in question. (Sam pitches a fit about missing school and is allowed to stay home, which means Dad's worried and distracted whenever he's not actually hunting, which makes things all kinds of fun for Dean.)
Dean returns to McKinley High after a three-day absence with a forged doctor's note and a story about some kind of flu. Before he can use either, though - hell, almost before he gets through the door - he sees Dave Karofsky throw a grape slushie in Rachel's face.
Dean is not her boyfriend, which means that it's not his job to defend her honor or whatever. Except everyone thinks he is her boyfriend, which makes him look like a total dick if he doesn't respond to that kind of insult, especially when it happens right in front of him. Except if he does anything, he will never convince Rachel they're not actually dating. Except that even if they're not dating, she's still a friend - sort of - and you don't standby while someone throws a slushie at your friend, especially if you've told the guy not to. Except Dad seriously frowns on getting in fights at school because it attracts attention. Except that not slugging Karofsky probably attracts more attention than slugging him does, at this point.
All of which goes through Dean's head in the approximately 2.8 seconds it takes for him to cross the lobby and introduce his fist to Dave Karofsky's nose.
He spends the rest of the week out on suspension, but Dad seems to understand.
And when he gets back to school on Monday, Rachel has gotten Mercedes and Tina to help her with a performance of "My Boyfriend's Back," which she gushingly dedicates to Dean in front of the whole Glee Club.
Dean makes a mental note that if he and Rachel are going to be hanging out, and it appears that they are, he is going to have to introduce her to some music that doesn't totally suck.
Which means he has no one to blame but himself for what happens next.
Gunter Glieben Glauchen Globen
"Mr. Schuester, I have something to say."
"Rachel, of course," Mr. Schuester says, with a resignation Dean is in complete sympathy with.
Rachel stands and turns to face the Glee Club. "As you all know, we have our fall invitational fast approaching, and of course, we cannot take our eyes off sectionals, and I've been thinking. Dean is right. Emo pop is not going to get it done. There's a well-established tradition of rock-and-roll being used on Broadway, and I believe that this approach would suit us well. We can draw inspiration from seminal productions like Hair and Jesus Christ Superstar, and of course, The Who's Tommy, which successfully blurred the lines between rock concept album and staged musical drama, resulting in the genre of the rock opera. Even now, while derivative and perhaps going to far in catering to popular taste, the recent so-called 'jukebox musicals' have shown that the music of groups like Queen can translate to the Broadway stage."
Rachel produces a pile of sheet music and drops it on the piano. "With Dean's help, I have identified several classic rock songs that I believe could easily be adapted to our needs and strengths as a Glee Club."
So that's why she was suddenly interested in hearing what he had to say about music.
"These are some good choices, Rachel, Dean," Mr. Schuester says, flipping through the pile of music Rachel has put on the piano.
Dean wants to protest that he has nothing to do with it. That it would never have occurred to him that the music of a group like Blue Öyster Cult needed to be reinvented by a bunch of high school students.
Seriously, it's going to take more than one performance by a Glee Club in Ohio to make, say, Journey relevant again, no matter how awesome they were back in the day.
But everyone else seems to be onboard with the idea, so Dean resigns himself to spending the next few weeks listening to songs he loves get butchered by people who probably think Def Leppard is the latest attraction at the Zoo for Disabled Animals.
Only . . . they don't suck. In fact, after a few rehearsals, they're actually good.
Sure, the songs have changed. And Dean and Artie lose the campaign to keep the guitar solo in "Carry On Wayward Son," but the song works well as a choral piece, and Artie sings the hell out of the vocal solo, at least.
And Kurt hits the high notes in "Wheel in the Sky" in a way that Steve Perry himself would probably envy. Maybe the Glee Club can cause a Journey revival after all.
As for Rachel, well, Dean thinks she sounds like a bit of a drama queen, speaking her way though the opening chorus of "Love Is a Battlefield," but once she starts singing, there's no denying the girl has some serious pipes.
He's actually really impressed with the way Mr. Schuester has created a girls versus guys mash-up of "All Day and All of the Night" and "You Shook Me All Night Long." He's happy, too, that the leads on that have gone to Mercedes and Finn.
Mr. Schuester was all apologetic about not giving him a solo when it was supposedly Dean's idea in the first place, but Dean is totally okay with it. All he has to do is worry about the group parts in those numbers, and "Burnin' for You," which they're all singing together.
He's just about concluded that the concert might not be the lamest night of his life when-
"What do you mean, costumes?" Dean asks.
"Well, since this is a performance, Dean, we'll have costumes."
"And we have to make sure they won't hinder the choreography, and make changes as necessary as soon as possible," Rachel adds, handing him a shiny black shirt with yellow lightning bolts down the sleeves.
Wait - choreography?
Dean takes it all back.
This totally sucks.
On to Part Three
Songs Referenced in Part Two:
"Whatever Lola Wants" from Damn Yankees
"The Way We Were" by Barbra Streisand
"Hey Jude" by the Beatles
"(I've Had) The Time of My Life" by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
"I Drove All Night" by Celine Dion
"You're So Vain" by Carly Simon
"American Woman" by The Guess Who (also covered by Lenny Kravitz)
"My Boyfriend's Back" by The Angels
"Rock of Ages" by Def Leppard
"Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas
"Wheel in the Sky" by Journey
"Love Is a Battlefield" by Pat Benatar
"All Day and All of the Night" by The Kinks
"You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC
"Burnin' for You" by Blue Öyster Cult
Summary: AU in which a teenaged Dean accidentally joins the McKinley High Glee Club. (What? It could happen to anyone.) Complications, and Rachel Berry, ensue. The way complications, and Rachel Berry, do.
Details: About 15,500 words in total, PG-13, no real spoilers for either show.
Pairing: Dean/Rachel
Warnings: Utter disregard for canon timelines, mild insanity, and show tunes.
Disclaimer: None of these lovely people are mine.
Notes: Thanks to mountain_born, my extraordinary beta, and varadia, who let me babble at her about this story for weeks.
Back to Part One
Whatever Rachel Wants, Rachel Gets
It's kind of amazing. As far as Dean can tell, declining to become a Cheerio has done even more for his badass reputation than twisting the arm of a hockey player did. By Friday, Karofsky is old news. Dean is now "you know, the one who shot down Coach Sylvester."
One nerdy little dweeb even stops him in the hallway, grabs his arms, and announces, "You, New Kid, are my hero." Then drops his voice to a whisper to add, "But don't tell Coach Sylvester I said so."
So far, despite Coach Sylvester's prediction that he'll rue the day, the only negative impact is that he seems to be getting something of a cold shoulder from the three Cheerios in Glee Club. But, honestly, their shoulders are hardly the parts Dean tends to pay attention to, anyway.
He's just about decided that his first week at McKinley High has been a success, as first weeks in a new school go, when someone links their arm through his. Fortunately, at this point, he's had a lot of practice at not punching his fellow students when they abruptly grab his arms. Which is good, because this is Rachel.
"So," she says, like it's perfectly normal for them to be walking down the hall arm in arm, "now that you're in Glee Club, I'm making you my new project."
"You really don't have to do that," Dean says. He's not real clear on what she's talking about, but whatever it is, she doesn’t need to do it.
"The timbre of your voice is actually quite pleasant," Rachel continues. "You just need to work on singing the right notes. And not being sharp. Or flat. I can help with that. I'll give you personal singing lessons."
Dean stops walking. "Whoa. Um, look, Rachel, I'm not anyone's project. So unless 'personal singing lessons' is supposed to be some kind of code for seeing what's under that . . . pinafore, I'm really not interested."
"I accept."
Dean takes a step back. She's got this smile. And she looks scary.
The kind of scary that makes him wish he was packing holy water.
Or an AK-47.
"Accept what?" he asks.
"Your invitation. You can pick me up at eight."
She's gone halfway down the hall before Dean works out what just happened.
Does she think he just . . .
Is she expecting him to . . .
Maybe he should have just punched her.
Watercolored Memories of the Way We Aren't
"I kind of have this date tonight," Dean says, at dinner, in the moment both Dad and Sam have their mouths full. It buys him maybe an extra second before Dad says, "Kind of?" and Sam says, "Who with?"
Sam's question is easier, and Dean starts with it. "Rachel. She's this girl I know from . . . um . . . Glee Club. Pass the salt, Sammy."
Sam does, but it doesn't stop him from asking, "What's Glee Club?"
"It's a choir," Dad says, when Dean doesn't answer the question.
His sons both stare at him.
"Don't they teach you anything in school any more?" Dad asks.
Sam recovers first. "You joined a choir? Have they heard you sing? Because you suck. No, you, like, whatever's even worse than sucking."
"That's enough, Sam," Dad says.
"Well, he does," Sam mutters, but lets it drop.
"Look, I didn't mean to," Dean says. "The guidance counselor said I had to do an extracurricular activity, which is not fair at all, because they're supposed to be optional, that's the whole point, right? But whatever. I thought Glee Club was gonna be, you know, like a bunch of people trying to harness the power of positive thinking and all that shi-stuff. Something totally lame and easy to skip. And instead, it's a choir."
"How is anybody that stupid?" Sam asks.
"Shut up," Dean says.
"Enough," Dad says, again. Sam looks like he's got more to say, anyway, but Dad continues before he can. "Your mother was in the Glee Club in high school."
"She was?" Sam asks.
It's news to Dean. He remembers Mom more than Sam does, he even remembers her singing "Hey Jude" when she tucked him into bed at night. But she died when he was four, and if she told him stories about when she was growing up, he doesn't remember them.
"Yeah," Dad says, eyes not quite focused on anything that Dean can see.
Well, crap.
It's not like Mom's not kind of there all the time - the ring on Dad's finger and the empty chair at every table for four. The reason they live the way they do. But there's really no such thing as a casual reference to Mary Winchester.
And now Dad is looking all . . . misty. He looks misty, and even Sam knows to shut up.
Which means that there's now no freaking way Dean can drop out of Glee Club.
"So," Dad says, after a moment, eyes coming back to his older son, "how do you 'kind of' have a date?"
"Um," Dean says. "Okay, I was talking to Rachel, and I didn't ask her out, but she thinks I did so she told me I could pick her up at eight and then she left before I could explain that I didn't ask her out so now she's expecting me and yeah, she's kind of annoying and I think she might be crazy, but I can't just not show up, because you just don't do something like that. So, um, can I borrow the car?"
"I just want to make sure I have this straight, son," Dad says. "First you accidentally joined a choir, and then you accidentally asked a girl from that choir out on a date?"
Dean nods. "Yes, sir."
Dad scrubs a hand across his face, and Dean is expecting the lecture of his life, because, yeah, put like that, Dean sounds like a moron.
And then Dad starts to laugh. He takes the keys to the Impala out of his pocket and slides them across the table to Dean. "Be home by midnight."
I've Had the Time of My Life (But It Wasn't Here With You Tonight)
His date with Rachel doesn't completely suck, it just comes close. She's nice, he guesses, and she's hot, but she never shuts up. She's worse than Sam.
They go miniature golfing, and she talks while they're getting their clubs, while they're walking from hole to hole, while he's trying line up his shots, and even while she's trying to line up her shots, which she's really not very good at. (The girl shoots a nine on the par three windmill. A nine. Dean gets a birdie.)
Every so often, he tries to focus on what she's talking about, but every time he does, he realizes that he doesn't care. It's a lot about musicals, which sound even weirder than Dean thought - apparently there's one with puppets. And one about how the Wicked Witch of the West was just misunderstood.
"Wait, what?" he asks, breaking in when she pauses to breathe. "She was evil. With the flying monkeys and stuff."
Sam had nightmares for weeks about those freakin' monkeys.
"No, she's good. She was trying to save Oz and make things better for everyone, even though she'd been treated as an outsider and ostracized her whole life for being a freak. I so identify. Plus she has some amazing solos. Elphaba is my dream part."
"Elphaba?"
"That's her name. In the musical. Elphaba Thropp."
"Right," Dean says.
"What about you? What's your dream musical part?"
"I don't have one," Dean says. Does he really seem like the kind of guy who has a dream musical part? Really?
"Well, what’s your favorite musical?"
Dean tries to come up with a musical he's ever even seen. "Um. Well, I saw the movie where Johnny Depp was cutting people's throats and stuff."
Dean had gone to see it because Johnny Depp is awesome and, hey, that chick from Fight Club was in it and it looked like a slasher flick with demon barbers, and then there was all this . . . singing.
Totally lame. If he hadn't snuck in, he'd have wanted his money back.
But it's enough to get Rachel started on the topic of movie adaptations of Broadway musicals, and Dean can go back to focusing on the tenth hole.
And then, all of a sudden, Rachel is singing along with the music piped in over the speakers. Which would be horrifying enough if the song hadn't been some Celine Dion thing about driving all night.
"What are you doing?" Dean asks. People are staring.
"I always make it a point to sing along with anything in my range," Rachel says. "Toni Braxton was discovered while singing to herself at a gas station, and she has six Grammys now. You never know who's listening."
Dean looks around, and then gestures to their fellow golfers. "Pretty sure no one at the Lima Putt-Putt is secretly a talent scout."
"But you never know," Rachel says, and gets back to her song.
When he finally does get her to shut up, it's with a good night kiss that lasts about ten minutes, and leaves him revising his estimation of their date up quite a bit.
Dean get home at 11:58, and grins as he tosses the keys back to Dad.
"Did you have a good time?"
"Good enough," Dean says.
"Good. Son?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Next time you ask a girl out, make sure you mean to do it."
You Probably Think This Song Is About You
The rest of weekend passes much more pleasantly than Friday night did. His date on Saturday, after all, is with Santana, who is still overall pretty damn hot, cold shoulders or no. There's a lot less conversation on that one than the one with Rachel, and a lot more kissing (good night and otherwise). There is absolutely no singing. Dean has no complaints.
Sunday is spent on training and helping Dad with the Impala and okay, maybe some homework. Sam is even a little less cranky than usual that day.
Dean walks into McKinley High in a pretty good mood on Monday morning. It lasts until he gets to his locker, where Rachel is waiting for him. And she doesn't look like she's waiting to tell him again what a great time she had.
"How dare you?" she asks.
Dean pauses with his hand on the lock. "How dare I what?"
"You know exactly what."
"No, I really don't." Why do girls do this?
"Santana. How dare you cheat on me with Santana?"
"'Cheat on you'? What? Rachel, you and I went out once. And that's only because-"
"It was implied by your actions that you wanted to engage in a serious and exclusive relationship."
"It was?"
How?
"Well," Rachel say, "this is your loss. If you can't appreciate me, and treat me with respect, I am going to have to break up with you. But you will regret this, when you realize what you had. And what you let get away."
And then she turns on her heel and storms off down the hall before Dean can point out that she cannot break up with him because they were never dating.
There's a definite chill in the choir room, when he arrives. Rachel is in conference with Tina and Mercedes and Kurt, who all look over at him as he comes into the room, and then go back to their discussion. Dean takes the seat next to Artie, whose only comment is to glance at the others and then roll his eyes.
"Okay, guys, let's start," Mr. Schuester says. He writes the word you on the white board behind him. "Let's talk about your assignment for the week."
Oh, and that's another thing. How come extracurriculars are not only mandatory, but come with homework?
"I want you to find a song addressed to another person," he says. "It can be anybody you want - friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, parent, sibling, anyone. Think about something you really want to tell this person, and find a song that conveys that sentiment. But it has to be addressed to the person. It has to use the word . . ." Mr. Schuester reaches back to tap the white board, ". . . you."
There's a general mumbling in reaction and then Rachel's arm shoots into the air. "Mr. Schuester, I would be happy to demonstrate. I know a song that expresses exactly what I'd like to say to someone."
Mr. Schuester gestures go ahead and Rachel takes her place in front of the piano.
Here's the deal. Dean wouldn't exactly describe himself as humble, but he's never thought he was all that vain, either. Furthermore, he doesn't own a Leer Jet, he wouldn't be caught dead an apricot scarf, and he has no idea what it means to gavotte, though he thinks watching yourself do it sounds kind of kinky. But after four minutes of having it sung directly at him from a distance of three feet, yeah, frankly, Dean does think this song is about him.
"Okay, thank you, Rachel," Mr. Schuester says, when she finally finishes. "I think we all get the idea. So I want you all to go home and give this some thought."
"What did you do to her?" Artie asks Dean, quietly.
Dean shrugs. "I don’t know." Which is only sort of true, because he knows she's mad about the Santana thing. He just thinks it seems like a bit of an over reaction from a girl he's known for a week and been on one stupid date with it. "But I know what I'm gonna do to her."
"And what is that?" Artie asks.
"I'm gonna sing something right back at her."
You're No Good for Me, I'm No Good for You
When Dad gets home that evening, Dean is sitting in the floor of the living room, with an aging boombox and every cassette he'd been able to find.
"Son?" Dad says. "What are you doing?"
"He's making a lot of noise while I am trying to study," Sam says, appearing in the door to the kitchen.
"This is my homework," Dean says. "I have to find a song."
Dad looks at the albums in a sprawl around Dean. "Well, I think you have at least one there."
"Yes, but I have to find a song addressed to a 'you' and that I can sing at Rachel," Dean says, dropping Physical Graffiti and picking up Eliminator.
"He's been doing this for hours," Sam says.
"Rachel?" Dad says. "The girl you didn't mean to ask out on a date."
"Yes. Her. Crazy chick."
"And you want to sing at her?"
"It's my assignment for Glee Club. I am trying to find a song that says, Listen up, sweetheart. I cannot have cheated on you because we were never dating, and you can't dump me because again, never dating."
Dad clears his throat, and Dean looks up. Is Dad laughing at him?
"Well, if I think of any songs like that, I'll let you know."
Dad is definitely laughing at him.
"Sammy, why don't you come help me with dinner?" Dad asks. "And Dean, why don't you find some headphones?"
"Yes, sir," they both say, and Dad and Sam vanish off into the kitchen.
It takes hours, but when Dean finally stumbles off to bed that night, he has found the perfect song.
Now he just needs help with it, which means talking to Artie and Finn. It's classic rock, after all, so he's going to need a guitar and some drums.
And since it is kickass classic rock, and not some lameass show tune, they both agree pretty quickly to help him. Artie raises an eyebrow at his choice, but don't say anything. They practice it on Tuesday, and when Mr. Schuester asks for volunteers on Wednesday, Dean puts his hand up.
"Okay, so, ah, I picked a classic, because emo pop was not going to get it done," Dean says. "And Artie and Finn are gonna help. So this a great song by The Guess Who -"
"Do we have to?" Brittany asks. "Guessing games take me a long time."
"Ah, no, that's actually the name of the band. They're Canadian," Dean says. "Anyway, I'm singing this song in response to something someone told me recently, and I think it makes my feelings real clear."
"Okay," Mr. Schuester says. "Take it away, guys."
In Dean's opinion, it's hard to miss The Guess Who's message to the "American Woman." Stay away from me, leave me be, I don't want to see your face no more, I have more important things to do than go miniature golfing with you. No one could misinterpret that. Add a killer baseline and some awesome guitar, and you have a great kiss off song.
Finn puts the final beats on their performance, and Dean turns to Mr. Schuester.
"Well, Dean, that was-"
It's as far as he gets before Rachel jumps up out of her seat and throws her arms around Dean's neck. It's the most surprised he's been since the slushie incident, and for one moment, he thinks she's trying to kill him.
And then he focuses on what she's saying.
"That was so brave. I hadn't given any thought to how hard it must be for you, being at a new school and probably just overwhelmed, and then to have a connection to someone right at the start, like the one we have. I think it's just wonderful that you could get up in front of all of our peers and tell me how you feel. I'm willing to devote time and energy to making this relationship work. I forgive you."
"Um-" Dean says.
But then the bell rings, and she's gone, with something about needing to get to her dance lesson and promising to call him later.
"What just happened?" Dean asks Artie.
"I think you just got Kravitzed. His cover was more about sex appeal and you drive me crazy but in a good way than the original."
"This is why people need to leave the classics alone."
"Amen," Artie says.
The rest of the class has filed out, but Brittany is still sitting there, looking even more vague than usual.
"You okay there?" Dean asks.
"Is it the Beatles?" she asks.
Dean thinks about trying to explain, and then just nods. "Got it in one."
He's Kind of Big and He's Awful Strong
Dean does try to clear up Rachel's misconception about the nature - and, you know, existence - of their relationship. It just doesn't work. She takes his arm in the hall, rests her head on his shoulder in Glee Club, sits with him at lunch. By the end of his third week at McKinley High, Dean seems to be the only person at McKinley High who doesn't think he's dating Rachel Berry.
And while Dean is still trying to get that sorted out, Dad gets a call about some zombies, which sounds like a two-man job, and which means that Dean is the second man in question. (Sam pitches a fit about missing school and is allowed to stay home, which means Dad's worried and distracted whenever he's not actually hunting, which makes things all kinds of fun for Dean.)
Dean returns to McKinley High after a three-day absence with a forged doctor's note and a story about some kind of flu. Before he can use either, though - hell, almost before he gets through the door - he sees Dave Karofsky throw a grape slushie in Rachel's face.
Dean is not her boyfriend, which means that it's not his job to defend her honor or whatever. Except everyone thinks he is her boyfriend, which makes him look like a total dick if he doesn't respond to that kind of insult, especially when it happens right in front of him. Except if he does anything, he will never convince Rachel they're not actually dating. Except that even if they're not dating, she's still a friend - sort of - and you don't standby while someone throws a slushie at your friend, especially if you've told the guy not to. Except Dad seriously frowns on getting in fights at school because it attracts attention. Except that not slugging Karofsky probably attracts more attention than slugging him does, at this point.
All of which goes through Dean's head in the approximately 2.8 seconds it takes for him to cross the lobby and introduce his fist to Dave Karofsky's nose.
He spends the rest of the week out on suspension, but Dad seems to understand.
And when he gets back to school on Monday, Rachel has gotten Mercedes and Tina to help her with a performance of "My Boyfriend's Back," which she gushingly dedicates to Dean in front of the whole Glee Club.
Dean makes a mental note that if he and Rachel are going to be hanging out, and it appears that they are, he is going to have to introduce her to some music that doesn't totally suck.
Which means he has no one to blame but himself for what happens next.
Gunter Glieben Glauchen Globen
"Mr. Schuester, I have something to say."
"Rachel, of course," Mr. Schuester says, with a resignation Dean is in complete sympathy with.
Rachel stands and turns to face the Glee Club. "As you all know, we have our fall invitational fast approaching, and of course, we cannot take our eyes off sectionals, and I've been thinking. Dean is right. Emo pop is not going to get it done. There's a well-established tradition of rock-and-roll being used on Broadway, and I believe that this approach would suit us well. We can draw inspiration from seminal productions like Hair and Jesus Christ Superstar, and of course, The Who's Tommy, which successfully blurred the lines between rock concept album and staged musical drama, resulting in the genre of the rock opera. Even now, while derivative and perhaps going to far in catering to popular taste, the recent so-called 'jukebox musicals' have shown that the music of groups like Queen can translate to the Broadway stage."
Rachel produces a pile of sheet music and drops it on the piano. "With Dean's help, I have identified several classic rock songs that I believe could easily be adapted to our needs and strengths as a Glee Club."
So that's why she was suddenly interested in hearing what he had to say about music.
"These are some good choices, Rachel, Dean," Mr. Schuester says, flipping through the pile of music Rachel has put on the piano.
Dean wants to protest that he has nothing to do with it. That it would never have occurred to him that the music of a group like Blue Öyster Cult needed to be reinvented by a bunch of high school students.
Seriously, it's going to take more than one performance by a Glee Club in Ohio to make, say, Journey relevant again, no matter how awesome they were back in the day.
But everyone else seems to be onboard with the idea, so Dean resigns himself to spending the next few weeks listening to songs he loves get butchered by people who probably think Def Leppard is the latest attraction at the Zoo for Disabled Animals.
Only . . . they don't suck. In fact, after a few rehearsals, they're actually good.
Sure, the songs have changed. And Dean and Artie lose the campaign to keep the guitar solo in "Carry On Wayward Son," but the song works well as a choral piece, and Artie sings the hell out of the vocal solo, at least.
And Kurt hits the high notes in "Wheel in the Sky" in a way that Steve Perry himself would probably envy. Maybe the Glee Club can cause a Journey revival after all.
As for Rachel, well, Dean thinks she sounds like a bit of a drama queen, speaking her way though the opening chorus of "Love Is a Battlefield," but once she starts singing, there's no denying the girl has some serious pipes.
He's actually really impressed with the way Mr. Schuester has created a girls versus guys mash-up of "All Day and All of the Night" and "You Shook Me All Night Long." He's happy, too, that the leads on that have gone to Mercedes and Finn.
Mr. Schuester was all apologetic about not giving him a solo when it was supposedly Dean's idea in the first place, but Dean is totally okay with it. All he has to do is worry about the group parts in those numbers, and "Burnin' for You," which they're all singing together.
He's just about concluded that the concert might not be the lamest night of his life when-
"What do you mean, costumes?" Dean asks.
"Well, since this is a performance, Dean, we'll have costumes."
"And we have to make sure they won't hinder the choreography, and make changes as necessary as soon as possible," Rachel adds, handing him a shiny black shirt with yellow lightning bolts down the sleeves.
Wait - choreography?
Dean takes it all back.
This totally sucks.
On to Part Three
Songs Referenced in Part Two:
"Whatever Lola Wants" from Damn Yankees
"The Way We Were" by Barbra Streisand
"Hey Jude" by the Beatles
"(I've Had) The Time of My Life" by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
"I Drove All Night" by Celine Dion
"You're So Vain" by Carly Simon
"American Woman" by The Guess Who (also covered by Lenny Kravitz)
"My Boyfriend's Back" by The Angels
"Rock of Ages" by Def Leppard
"Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas
"Wheel in the Sky" by Journey
"Love Is a Battlefield" by Pat Benatar
"All Day and All of the Night" by The Kinks
"You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC
"Burnin' for You" by Blue Öyster Cult