on my mind
ive been holed up in my room all afternoon. elliot called, i havent seen him for a week, so that was nice but now hes gone and im alone. part of me likes it and part of me is annoyed that im wasting one of the only friday nights i have off.
i just went downstairs to see if my mom was home. she wasn't and of course the first thing i did was open the fridge. why do i always do that, whether i'm hungry or not? anyway i opened the fridge and was surprised to find a package of american cheese staring at me. whats in that stuff anyway? i HAD to eat a slice and when i did memories of packed lunches came flooding back to me. i used to HATE the lunches my mom packed for me when i was a kid, but whenever i had a "good" lunch, it would be the coolest thing ever. of course, "good" lunches came about 4 or 5 times a year and always involved junk food....food that given a choice now i'd never order in a restaurant but ten years ago would have been all around day-making. for some reason, eating a slice of that american cheese totally brought me back to a time where things were so much more simple in some ways and much more complicated in other ways.
when i ate that first slice of cheese i was so excited to travel back and enjoy thoughts of what i thought were simpler times. then I ate a couple more and that excitement evolved into a disgust of sorts. suddenly the 3rd slice of cheese didn't taste so good or feel so good in my mouth, instead i found myself craving a glass of water and some broccoli, and I realized that nature always works out right in the end. american cheese isn't good for you and we constantly grow older and change for a reason. as simple as it may have been, to have to decide whether i wanted nachos for lunch or pizza, there was just as much unnecessary crap to deal with then as there is now, only now i have more freedom and theres less unnecessary crap, a lot of the crap i deal with now has meaning. given the choice i would NEVER go back to say, age...12, or 15 or 17 or 18 or anywhere in between. I could do without a lot of things going on in my life right now but not enough to give it up and go back to the days of american cheese or storytime (for anyone other than my future children).
years ago i would have eaten half the package of american cheese sitting in the fridge and enjoyed it. now my body repels it like it would repel the idea of some of the clothes i used to wear or obsessing over peter fishler again.
funny, life always works out like it should.
i just went downstairs to see if my mom was home. she wasn't and of course the first thing i did was open the fridge. why do i always do that, whether i'm hungry or not? anyway i opened the fridge and was surprised to find a package of american cheese staring at me. whats in that stuff anyway? i HAD to eat a slice and when i did memories of packed lunches came flooding back to me. i used to HATE the lunches my mom packed for me when i was a kid, but whenever i had a "good" lunch, it would be the coolest thing ever. of course, "good" lunches came about 4 or 5 times a year and always involved junk food....food that given a choice now i'd never order in a restaurant but ten years ago would have been all around day-making. for some reason, eating a slice of that american cheese totally brought me back to a time where things were so much more simple in some ways and much more complicated in other ways.
when i ate that first slice of cheese i was so excited to travel back and enjoy thoughts of what i thought were simpler times. then I ate a couple more and that excitement evolved into a disgust of sorts. suddenly the 3rd slice of cheese didn't taste so good or feel so good in my mouth, instead i found myself craving a glass of water and some broccoli, and I realized that nature always works out right in the end. american cheese isn't good for you and we constantly grow older and change for a reason. as simple as it may have been, to have to decide whether i wanted nachos for lunch or pizza, there was just as much unnecessary crap to deal with then as there is now, only now i have more freedom and theres less unnecessary crap, a lot of the crap i deal with now has meaning. given the choice i would NEVER go back to say, age...12, or 15 or 17 or 18 or anywhere in between. I could do without a lot of things going on in my life right now but not enough to give it up and go back to the days of american cheese or storytime (for anyone other than my future children).
years ago i would have eaten half the package of american cheese sitting in the fridge and enjoyed it. now my body repels it like it would repel the idea of some of the clothes i used to wear or obsessing over peter fishler again.
funny, life always works out like it should.