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i really wish someone would read this. i wont update for a while prolly but this is a good entry, at least i think, so indulge please!!
its unlike me to say that im surprised. but for me to write such a relatively long entry like mine have been recently requires all my effort and i put forth a great deal of courage and thought to write some things and i just wish people could understand how hard it is for me to say things, let alone say anything at all about things that matter to me.
i dont even know why i bother to update. very pointless actually. well today i will actually write something about my day because it is worth talking about. as some of you already know, english was very exciting. excitingly stupid but nonetheless, exciting. mrs ryan murdered all of our already minimal enthusiasm to come to school by being, well, mrs ryan, and continued to throw a hissy fit over poor matt cross smiling and pursuing a happy life. that bitchhole (its been a while since we've used this word kelly) decides to throw a crazy tantrum about squat crap but it was exciting and when she tried to slam the door it was really funny cause they had that hydrolic type thing at the top that makes the door close really slowly wow she is incredibly psychotic i hope she isnt hiding a gun in her desk like mark predicted haha.
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nextahly, when im sick, like right now i have this weird burst of energy and enthusiasm even though it is painful to do so because i am in no physical state to hoard my emotional outburts right now, but i can't control what i feel. life is been much better. but sometimes you wonder whats wrong with you. and why everythings your fault. the root of all my problems, other than school, is the fact that i will always be no more than second best, second being very high for that matter. i will always be the second choice of company, and the second best at everything i do, and ill just never be good enough. ever. and for those who say you are good enough for me, i cant believe you it takes more than words to prove something and i have yet to be proven if that makes sense.
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i would also like to recognize the fact that when people say or do little things, it means the world to me, or can ruin my whole life for that matter. like one day baliey asked me for advice. and that meant so much and it made me incredibly happy because i want everyone to know that i love helping people. i love giving things to people. i would starve myself to feed people. i gave my lunch to a hobo on a field trip in i believe d.c. once. you should be aware of the little things you do they make a world of difference. i also have tremendous respect for people i hardly know. some people just radiate amiability. i really wish i had a wide circle of friends so i could get to know people better. i g i v e o f f s u c h b a d i m p r e s s i o n s . and im so bad with words. and while we are on the subject of nuances, ignoring others is incredibly rude. i dont understand why people totally disregard others, even their friends.
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i hope you, the audience, is still reading. now i thought this was an interesting idea i got it from alinas xanga i dont know alina that well but she's very nice. i bolded some things so you wont have to read the whole paragraph thing.. so guess who you are......
1. you wont read this. i highly doubt you will. i guess we were never that close. when we did talk though i could tell you everything and you would listen and you would make me feel incredibly happy and give good advice and said i should take up the guitar and you never failed to make me laugh. we dont talk anymore i dont know why but its my fault i know it. but you dont know how much it meant to me when you gave me a hug or when you listened. no one ever did that for me like you did and i dont think you ever knew that.
2. ive known you for quite a while. we werent like relaly good friends till around 5th or 6th grade even though i knew you since first. last year we went through a crapload of drama but we're still strong friends and i love you to death. even though we rarely see each other anymore and we both have a lot of new friends and people to hang out with we still have a strong bond that WILL NEVER BE BROKEN. hahaha and a ton of crazy insides and what not . like last year we had to deal with some bitchholes and headslammers :P. i love you no matter how far away we become.
3. you. ive known you since second or third grade when you move here from new york. i mean i guess we arent like super great friends but weve always had fun together in classes for the past 8 years. and we always end up sitting next to eachother because of our last names. and yes we have many laughs together and you are super cool. lol you think im weird. i think youre crazy. together we are weird and crazy. i support your attempts to plant a bush back in texas. yep. you cant spell for shit so i just love you more.!!!!!!
4. haha youre brown but youre not indian :P. you moved here in fifth grade and we've been amazing friends since. ha i can't even think about how many times we've laughed and how many walks we've taken or how many crazy adventures on your keyboard and computer we've had...and cooking while we're on the topic pwahahhaah. i dont think i need to say much more and this is getting long so yupp thats enough. lylas!!! spastic :P
5. zatarans jumbalaya. enough said.
6. i met you last year, you dms-er. you are crazy. youre a hoe at dances!! haha jussssssssst kidding. anyways i love you, youre so awesome and funny. and you will make a great spanish teacher. although i could spanish your ass to mexico. that made no sense. whatever. gotta love our spanish classes together though :)
7. WE NEVER SEE EACH OTHER OR GET TO HANG OUT ANYMORE. the only way i even hear your name anymore is through other people i love you though!!!! in seventh grade we were in the same art class where i introduced you to sonya and you had an absolutely awesome....um i think it was a fish?!?! and you cant forget me rocking in a corner in claire basement. your reaction was priceless. classic moment. i love you so much you are the most amazing, caring person i have ever met. truly an amazing friend.
8. if someone mentioned your name to me ten years from now i will remember drama last year and you saying "and she didnt bring the sandwiches which like totally messed up my throwing up appointment in the bathroom!" it didnt even take me the whole year to figure out what a cool person you are when i met you last year. you are freaking hillarious and good at EVERYTHING. baja frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrresh will always love you
9. blinking idiot. things seem a lot different now its like we're holding on to nothing but we still want to hold on. and im grateful we're still friends because we both helped each other a lot when we need to and you were the closest thing to a best friend ive had, even though this year seems a lot more barren for us.
10. harry potter (double meaning pwahahhah). sifali khan. johnny depp. i heart you mucho. and your little brother.
11. "do you like the clock." "no" "you bitch!" youll always be my number one home gurrl even when we're drifting apart!!!!!! and i love your orange smoothies...and orange mocha frappucinos for that matter. haha. holy crap i cant even express how much fun we have together and how much you rock. dammit. you rock. hot damn you are cool. and of course....zoolander :)
13. i almost forgot to put you in here!!! i have so much respect for you, you are the single most caring person i have ever met. and you have awesome hair, skirts, and faith. i met you last year and im so glad i did...you treat everyone like they are the most important person in the world. its just awesome how much you care.
14. i in fact didnt talk to you until this year even though we shared friends and all that jazz last year. youre in my favorite class in the world haha and i dont know you that well but i know that you are hard working and fair and extremely mature. and i dont know why but i associate you with starburts. acutally its probably because you eat a lot of them but hey who doesnt :P. anyways in the short time ive known you, you're an extrememly awesome person!!
15. ha you rock. it took a while to get to know you and i know i still dont completely know you, but since the time i met you last year, ive grown to understand what a deep and smart person you are. youre extremely hillarious and we have the best chat rooms together :). i dont know how i could get through the day without your smartass humor. haha STOP CALLING ME CAULIFLOWER!!!! :P
16. get off your clarinet and get on your girlfriend. ha i dont know why i said that it didnt make sense but i needed something to follow your clarinet. stop eating. and thanks for listening all those times. it meant a lot, hottie2.
17. you share my love for rachel ray. binge party plans still on? haha i didnt truly meet you till this year when we acutally had classes together and youre so tolerant of JESSICA hahaha sike i love you jessica but yea anyways. there you are. you are quite the awesome person.
18. YOU HAVE FREAKING ADD YOU ARE SO CRAZY I LOVE YOU TO DEATH. you are the cause for my future baldness but hey if i look good now who cares?!?!? haha gosh ill do whatever i flippin wanna do, napoleon. sooo many good times you are awesome. HEARTT!!!
19. over the years things have changed but i stil think youre an awesome person. we were friends probably around 6th grade.. i love giving advice to you. i wish you knew how much i love you and how much other people love you. youre funny and smart and amazing and even though youve been down a lot lately, im always here for you. your perverted brother haha...china and venus yes china is a nice country. and if you go to australia ill miss you so much haaha!!!!!!!
i know i didnt put a lot of people in here. a lot of my friends have lives and dont get online all the time so some wont even read it. but doing this made me realize how many awesome people they are and it took the time for me to write this livejournal entry for me to understand how life is good. very very good.
its unlike me to say that im surprised. but for me to write such a relatively long entry like mine have been recently requires all my effort and i put forth a great deal of courage and thought to write some things and i just wish people could understand how hard it is for me to say things, let alone say anything at all about things that matter to me.
i dont even know why i bother to update. very pointless actually. well today i will actually write something about my day because it is worth talking about. as some of you already know, english was very exciting. excitingly stupid but nonetheless, exciting. mrs ryan murdered all of our already minimal enthusiasm to come to school by being, well, mrs ryan, and continued to throw a hissy fit over poor matt cross smiling and pursuing a happy life. that bitchhole (its been a while since we've used this word kelly) decides to throw a crazy tantrum about squat crap but it was exciting and when she tried to slam the door it was really funny cause they had that hydrolic type thing at the top that makes the door close really slowly wow she is incredibly psychotic i hope she isnt hiding a gun in her desk like mark predicted haha.
:::::::::::::::::::
nextahly, when im sick, like right now i have this weird burst of energy and enthusiasm even though it is painful to do so because i am in no physical state to hoard my emotional outburts right now, but i can't control what i feel. life is been much better. but sometimes you wonder whats wrong with you. and why everythings your fault. the root of all my problems, other than school, is the fact that i will always be no more than second best, second being very high for that matter. i will always be the second choice of company, and the second best at everything i do, and ill just never be good enough. ever. and for those who say you are good enough for me, i cant believe you it takes more than words to prove something and i have yet to be proven if that makes sense.
:::::::::::::::::::
i would also like to recognize the fact that when people say or do little things, it means the world to me, or can ruin my whole life for that matter. like one day baliey asked me for advice. and that meant so much and it made me incredibly happy because i want everyone to know that i love helping people. i love giving things to people. i would starve myself to feed people. i gave my lunch to a hobo on a field trip in i believe d.c. once. you should be aware of the little things you do they make a world of difference. i also have tremendous respect for people i hardly know. some people just radiate amiability. i really wish i had a wide circle of friends so i could get to know people better. i g i v e o f f s u c h b a d i m p r e s s i o n s . and im so bad with words. and while we are on the subject of nuances, ignoring others is incredibly rude. i dont understand why people totally disregard others, even their friends.
::::::::::::::::::
i hope you, the audience, is still reading. now i thought this was an interesting idea i got it from alinas xanga i dont know alina that well but she's very nice. i bolded some things so you wont have to read the whole paragraph thing.. so guess who you are......
1. you wont read this. i highly doubt you will. i guess we were never that close. when we did talk though i could tell you everything and you would listen and you would make me feel incredibly happy and give good advice and said i should take up the guitar and you never failed to make me laugh. we dont talk anymore i dont know why but its my fault i know it. but you dont know how much it meant to me when you gave me a hug or when you listened. no one ever did that for me like you did and i dont think you ever knew that.
2. ive known you for quite a while. we werent like relaly good friends till around 5th or 6th grade even though i knew you since first. last year we went through a crapload of drama but we're still strong friends and i love you to death. even though we rarely see each other anymore and we both have a lot of new friends and people to hang out with we still have a strong bond that WILL NEVER BE BROKEN. hahaha and a ton of crazy insides and what not . like last year we had to deal with some bitchholes and headslammers :P. i love you no matter how far away we become.
3. you. ive known you since second or third grade when you move here from new york. i mean i guess we arent like super great friends but weve always had fun together in classes for the past 8 years. and we always end up sitting next to eachother because of our last names. and yes we have many laughs together and you are super cool. lol you think im weird. i think youre crazy. together we are weird and crazy. i support your attempts to plant a bush back in texas. yep. you cant spell for shit so i just love you more.!!!!!!
4. haha youre brown but youre not indian :P. you moved here in fifth grade and we've been amazing friends since. ha i can't even think about how many times we've laughed and how many walks we've taken or how many crazy adventures on your keyboard and computer we've had...and cooking while we're on the topic pwahahhaah. i dont think i need to say much more and this is getting long so yupp thats enough. lylas!!! spastic :P
5. zatarans jumbalaya. enough said.
6. i met you last year, you dms-er. you are crazy. youre a hoe at dances!! haha jussssssssst kidding. anyways i love you, youre so awesome and funny. and you will make a great spanish teacher. although i could spanish your ass to mexico. that made no sense. whatever. gotta love our spanish classes together though :)
7. WE NEVER SEE EACH OTHER OR GET TO HANG OUT ANYMORE. the only way i even hear your name anymore is through other people i love you though!!!! in seventh grade we were in the same art class where i introduced you to sonya and you had an absolutely awesome....um i think it was a fish?!?! and you cant forget me rocking in a corner in claire basement. your reaction was priceless. classic moment. i love you so much you are the most amazing, caring person i have ever met. truly an amazing friend.
8. if someone mentioned your name to me ten years from now i will remember drama last year and you saying "and she didnt bring the sandwiches which like totally messed up my throwing up appointment in the bathroom!" it didnt even take me the whole year to figure out what a cool person you are when i met you last year. you are freaking hillarious and good at EVERYTHING. baja frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrresh will always love you
9. blinking idiot. things seem a lot different now its like we're holding on to nothing but we still want to hold on. and im grateful we're still friends because we both helped each other a lot when we need to and you were the closest thing to a best friend ive had, even though this year seems a lot more barren for us.
10. harry potter (double meaning pwahahhah). sifali khan. johnny depp. i heart you mucho. and your little brother.
11. "do you like the clock." "no" "you bitch!" youll always be my number one home gurrl even when we're drifting apart!!!!!! and i love your orange smoothies...and orange mocha frappucinos for that matter. haha. holy crap i cant even express how much fun we have together and how much you rock. dammit. you rock. hot damn you are cool. and of course....zoolander :)
13. i almost forgot to put you in here!!! i have so much respect for you, you are the single most caring person i have ever met. and you have awesome hair, skirts, and faith. i met you last year and im so glad i did...you treat everyone like they are the most important person in the world. its just awesome how much you care.
14. i in fact didnt talk to you until this year even though we shared friends and all that jazz last year. youre in my favorite class in the world haha and i dont know you that well but i know that you are hard working and fair and extremely mature. and i dont know why but i associate you with starburts. acutally its probably because you eat a lot of them but hey who doesnt :P. anyways in the short time ive known you, you're an extrememly awesome person!!
15. ha you rock. it took a while to get to know you and i know i still dont completely know you, but since the time i met you last year, ive grown to understand what a deep and smart person you are. youre extremely hillarious and we have the best chat rooms together :). i dont know how i could get through the day without your smartass humor. haha STOP CALLING ME CAULIFLOWER!!!! :P
16. get off your clarinet and get on your girlfriend. ha i dont know why i said that it didnt make sense but i needed something to follow your clarinet. stop eating. and thanks for listening all those times. it meant a lot, hottie2.
17. you share my love for rachel ray. binge party plans still on? haha i didnt truly meet you till this year when we acutally had classes together and youre so tolerant of JESSICA hahaha sike i love you jessica but yea anyways. there you are. you are quite the awesome person.
18. YOU HAVE FREAKING ADD YOU ARE SO CRAZY I LOVE YOU TO DEATH. you are the cause for my future baldness but hey if i look good now who cares?!?!? haha gosh ill do whatever i flippin wanna do, napoleon. sooo many good times you are awesome. HEARTT!!!
19. over the years things have changed but i stil think youre an awesome person. we were friends probably around 6th grade.. i love giving advice to you. i wish you knew how much i love you and how much other people love you. youre funny and smart and amazing and even though youve been down a lot lately, im always here for you. your perverted brother haha...china and venus yes china is a nice country. and if you go to australia ill miss you so much haaha!!!!!!!
i know i didnt put a lot of people in here. a lot of my friends have lives and dont get online all the time so some wont even read it. but doing this made me realize how many awesome people they are and it took the time for me to write this livejournal entry for me to understand how life is good. very very good.