i really don't care how bad this sounds
hi livejournal. it's been a while. i've been busy, you've been busy...you know, trying new things. being productive. going out on a limb. smiling.
yeah...well, that didn't work out. i think i'm done with boys for another two years. you know that i focus diligently on looking like a hard-ass most of the time, but you also know that i bruise easily. so, do you mind if i just lay here for a while? i'm miserable but i won't cry; i'll just hold my eyes open in the dark until the difficulty of it exhausts me.
today was my last day of student teaching. i got an A, which means surprisingly little to me but serves as the indicator of my teaching success until my first job--which might, it turns out, be too soon. my cooperating teacher is going into the hospital to get a blood transfusion after thanksgiving, and will be out until january. she's going to recommend me to the principal, but i think the prospects of me being certified by then are very slim. i'm going to try though.
from my supervisor:
Dear Sir or Madam:
Lindsay Wilson has completed 12 weeks of student teaching at N* Elementary School in Chicago, Illinois. She taught a diverse group of students in a self-contained classroom.
Lindsay brings energy and enthusiasm to the classroom. She consistently motivates and inspires students to achieve the high expectations and goals that she has set, and she monitors student learning in order to diagnose and remediate learning difficulties. While promoting positive student involvement and interaction, she employs a variety of effective teaching strategies. In addition, she is adept at maintaining classroom discipline and encouraging students to become responsible for their own behavior.
Lindsay displays excellent organizational skills and creativity in her classroom instruction. She has established a wonderful rapport with the students and has compassion and understanding of the children to help support further learning. Lindsay is reflective about her teaching practices and strives to continually improve her professional skills.
Lindsay Wilson will be a valuable asset to the school at which she is employed. She is dedicated and will make a wonderful educator for generations to come. It is without reservation that I heartily recommend her for any elementary teaching position.
from my cooperating teacher:
Dear Sir or Madam:
I am writing this letter of recommendation on behalf of Lindsay Wilson. I have had the distinct pleasure of working with Ms. Wilson as her cooperating teacher during her student teaching experience. Ms. Wilson has proven herself to be an excellent teacher. She is well organized, creates a fun learning environment, has excellent class management skills, and shows a genuine concern for the students. Ms. Wilson has excellent recordkeeping skills, and she also plans effective lessons. The students really enjoy having her as their teacher. Ms. Wilson is a high achiever who expects the best from her students, and she assists them in reaching their own level of success. Ms. Wilson has great communication skills and has developed an excellent rapport with the staff, students, and parents here at N*.
I highly recommend Lindsay Wilson to become a part of anyone's educational staff. She will surely add great value to the school environment.
i had some nice plans for this weekend, but i think i should just use it to get my teaching work done so that i can start interviewing. people keep asking me if i've started applying, and i'm tired of saying "not yet."
i'm not sure why i'm trying to stall at this point, after i've sped through 3 years of college to start teaching as soon as possible. i look at others and get that same feeling that i almost always felt growing up: i know i'm different, but i can't tell if i'm ahead of or behind them.
i like to be around people who balance me, which usually means they are at least partially a spaz. i think the reason i like B. is because he shakes up all of the comfortable stability that i like to build up around myself. and, you know, because he's hot. unfortunately, i'm finding out that he can't even get his shit together enough to see me regularly, which makes me really sad. i really don't know what's going to happen there, but i have a feeling that it's over.
on a pathetically related note, my new bed was delivered yesterday. the mattress guys completely smashed a light in the hallway; i plan on keeping that fact to myself. so right now i have no room in my apartment until i have a car to get rid of my old bed frame and my couch. i was excited to put on my new cherry blossom sheets and spread out. but when i laid down, the plushy pillowtop seemed to aggravate every pressure point on my body and i felt just how big and empty a queen bed with one person actually is. i kind of wish i hadn't gotten it now.
right now i feel the same sense of empty, meaningless accomplishment that i did on my graduation day in june. i enjoy being with the kids everyday (i will miss them to pieces), but that's not enough. at the precise time that i should be focusing on the establishment of my career, i'm panicking about all of the opportunities that i've passed over and am feeling a desperate kind of recklessness trying to reclaim them. i need to get outside of myself more, because lately, when i get the chance, it goes way past the point of control.
yeah...well, that didn't work out. i think i'm done with boys for another two years. you know that i focus diligently on looking like a hard-ass most of the time, but you also know that i bruise easily. so, do you mind if i just lay here for a while? i'm miserable but i won't cry; i'll just hold my eyes open in the dark until the difficulty of it exhausts me.
today was my last day of student teaching. i got an A, which means surprisingly little to me but serves as the indicator of my teaching success until my first job--which might, it turns out, be too soon. my cooperating teacher is going into the hospital to get a blood transfusion after thanksgiving, and will be out until january. she's going to recommend me to the principal, but i think the prospects of me being certified by then are very slim. i'm going to try though.
from my supervisor:
Dear Sir or Madam:
Lindsay Wilson has completed 12 weeks of student teaching at N* Elementary School in Chicago, Illinois. She taught a diverse group of students in a self-contained classroom.
Lindsay brings energy and enthusiasm to the classroom. She consistently motivates and inspires students to achieve the high expectations and goals that she has set, and she monitors student learning in order to diagnose and remediate learning difficulties. While promoting positive student involvement and interaction, she employs a variety of effective teaching strategies. In addition, she is adept at maintaining classroom discipline and encouraging students to become responsible for their own behavior.
Lindsay displays excellent organizational skills and creativity in her classroom instruction. She has established a wonderful rapport with the students and has compassion and understanding of the children to help support further learning. Lindsay is reflective about her teaching practices and strives to continually improve her professional skills.
Lindsay Wilson will be a valuable asset to the school at which she is employed. She is dedicated and will make a wonderful educator for generations to come. It is without reservation that I heartily recommend her for any elementary teaching position.
from my cooperating teacher:
Dear Sir or Madam:
I am writing this letter of recommendation on behalf of Lindsay Wilson. I have had the distinct pleasure of working with Ms. Wilson as her cooperating teacher during her student teaching experience. Ms. Wilson has proven herself to be an excellent teacher. She is well organized, creates a fun learning environment, has excellent class management skills, and shows a genuine concern for the students. Ms. Wilson has excellent recordkeeping skills, and she also plans effective lessons. The students really enjoy having her as their teacher. Ms. Wilson is a high achiever who expects the best from her students, and she assists them in reaching their own level of success. Ms. Wilson has great communication skills and has developed an excellent rapport with the staff, students, and parents here at N*.
I highly recommend Lindsay Wilson to become a part of anyone's educational staff. She will surely add great value to the school environment.
i had some nice plans for this weekend, but i think i should just use it to get my teaching work done so that i can start interviewing. people keep asking me if i've started applying, and i'm tired of saying "not yet."
i'm not sure why i'm trying to stall at this point, after i've sped through 3 years of college to start teaching as soon as possible. i look at others and get that same feeling that i almost always felt growing up: i know i'm different, but i can't tell if i'm ahead of or behind them.
i like to be around people who balance me, which usually means they are at least partially a spaz. i think the reason i like B. is because he shakes up all of the comfortable stability that i like to build up around myself. and, you know, because he's hot. unfortunately, i'm finding out that he can't even get his shit together enough to see me regularly, which makes me really sad. i really don't know what's going to happen there, but i have a feeling that it's over.
on a pathetically related note, my new bed was delivered yesterday. the mattress guys completely smashed a light in the hallway; i plan on keeping that fact to myself. so right now i have no room in my apartment until i have a car to get rid of my old bed frame and my couch. i was excited to put on my new cherry blossom sheets and spread out. but when i laid down, the plushy pillowtop seemed to aggravate every pressure point on my body and i felt just how big and empty a queen bed with one person actually is. i kind of wish i hadn't gotten it now.
right now i feel the same sense of empty, meaningless accomplishment that i did on my graduation day in june. i enjoy being with the kids everyday (i will miss them to pieces), but that's not enough. at the precise time that i should be focusing on the establishment of my career, i'm panicking about all of the opportunities that i've passed over and am feeling a desperate kind of recklessness trying to reclaim them. i need to get outside of myself more, because lately, when i get the chance, it goes way past the point of control.