its gonna be a long week
well i made it to VA alive. i don't even wanna talk about the few days before i left. i did get to go to the movies with david and spend the nite with lauren. that was nice. i also got to see shel right before i left. that was nice as well... now i am at my dad's. i don't know what i am going to do. i need to make $150 before i leave for CO. i need to get this school work done for AP Chem. i need to be a good friend. i need to be a good daughter. and i need to.... i don't even know what i need to do about the last major issue in my life. i don't even wanna talk about it. so lets not.
anyway, its gonna be a long week just for the reason that i am at a place in my Christianity where i need to make some very important decisions. decisions that will lead me down one path or another, b/c i am at a cross roads in my life. the thing is, i know what i need to do. i know where i need to go, and i've a good idea how to get there. i just cannot let go of my old self, and i cannot rely on God, even though i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He knows exactly what i need and that if i go His way, i will be happier than i could ever imagine. i don't want to give up... i don't know what i don't want to give up, but i am holding a part of myself back from him. and the ironic thing is it's the part that causes me the most emotional instability, it's the part that is most likely to break my heart in the end. i don't know. it'll just be really rough this week b/c God is going to stop at nothing to get my attention and make me take a good long look at my heart, and i'm afraid of what i'll find.
so yea, all of that. there is so much more to say, but i really can't say it here, and i don't even wanna say it to anyone really. i just feel like they wouldn't understand. so, i go to the only person who can, God, and we'll see what he has to say...
anyway, its gonna be a long week just for the reason that i am at a place in my Christianity where i need to make some very important decisions. decisions that will lead me down one path or another, b/c i am at a cross roads in my life. the thing is, i know what i need to do. i know where i need to go, and i've a good idea how to get there. i just cannot let go of my old self, and i cannot rely on God, even though i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He knows exactly what i need and that if i go His way, i will be happier than i could ever imagine. i don't want to give up... i don't know what i don't want to give up, but i am holding a part of myself back from him. and the ironic thing is it's the part that causes me the most emotional instability, it's the part that is most likely to break my heart in the end. i don't know. it'll just be really rough this week b/c God is going to stop at nothing to get my attention and make me take a good long look at my heart, and i'm afraid of what i'll find.
so yea, all of that. there is so much more to say, but i really can't say it here, and i don't even wanna say it to anyone really. i just feel like they wouldn't understand. so, i go to the only person who can, God, and we'll see what he has to say...