Session IV
After acknowledging how incredible last session was, I jumped into the two issues that happened since.
We talked about a tense moment when Chris, my best friend who's a therapist, and I had a tense moment because I didn't feel that much towards his moving to Mexico. To me Mexico just wasn't that far away and with most of my friends living elsewhere it just isn't something that causes emotional distress. But I said "I'm just not attached" as a summary, which meant something entirely different in his mind.
The therapist said she's more like me, that Mexico is a hop, skip, and a jump away and that the concept of attachment IS quite different between my upbringing and his.
Then I brought up that my cat died. She audibly gasped (even though she's not a cat person.) and I mentioned that with Joey and Betsy there, both crying audibly, I felt stone cold. It wasn't that I didn't feel sad. I even cried a little! But he needed to be taken care of and decisions had to be made. Besides he had such an incredible day that the thoughts of Jim makes me giggle still, as much as I miss him.
That event seem to have more connotations for Dr. silva. We discussed my tendency to not show emotions. And that brought on an interesting discussion about the purpose of emotional displays and if I should strive to do more of it. Dr. Silva said that she has determined that I could feel. But the display of feelings, which she describes also as a shared experience of emotions, is something we should explore. Is it wrong for me not to show? Does it bother me? Will it make me a bad parent?
Comes down to it she thinks that I may have a fear. She mentioned that since I have a temper, I maybe holding the emotions in so avoid an unknown effect of "breaking the dam." I think there maybe an aspect of it but it didn't feel like the whole story...
She really want to see me weekly. Hopefully I will in a month or two.