Let me see you try to live without me
I don't think my reactions or emotional response makes much sense right now. Shouldn't I be (or have been) more upset about this? I just spent 8 months of my life with someone, and it completely fell apart. There's nothing I could have done to fix it. Is that what's making it easier? Is it that I knew that it was over for a while what is helping me to be okay with things? I tend to delude myself into feeling better about things- anything I can convince myself to think is helpful. Any way I can reduce my own anxieties is something I will try, even if it's completely unrealistic. I'm afraid that I'm deluding myself into thinking it's not over. I'm not even sure. I kind of feel... nothing. I don't care to be upset. I don't want to try for him anymore. I love him, but I can't do it. I feel so selfish.
I really don't think he will ever come back to me. I know I would want to take him back immediately, but I don't think it's going to ever happen. I don't think he wants me. I've a been a good girlfriend. I loved him as much as I could, I put up with a lot, I tried to help. Nothing I did was good enough, really. He won't realize any of this. He won't tell me how important I was to him. He won't come crawling back saying that I was wonderful. In a way it's sad. What's more sad is that I know all of that... and that if for some reason he did come back to me, for anything, I would do whatever I could to help him. I'd go back. I'm so weak.
When it comes down to it, I'm not brokenhearted or upset. I'm not depressed. I'm just incredibly weakened. I will probably make stupid decisions with my emotions. I think I'm ready to date, but I'm probably not. I'm weak and delusional. And the whole friendship thing we're trying to do, that just confuses me more. But, onward and upward. There's nothing I can really change at this point.
I really don't think he will ever come back to me. I know I would want to take him back immediately, but I don't think it's going to ever happen. I don't think he wants me. I've a been a good girlfriend. I loved him as much as I could, I put up with a lot, I tried to help. Nothing I did was good enough, really. He won't realize any of this. He won't tell me how important I was to him. He won't come crawling back saying that I was wonderful. In a way it's sad. What's more sad is that I know all of that... and that if for some reason he did come back to me, for anything, I would do whatever I could to help him. I'd go back. I'm so weak.
When it comes down to it, I'm not brokenhearted or upset. I'm not depressed. I'm just incredibly weakened. I will probably make stupid decisions with my emotions. I think I'm ready to date, but I'm probably not. I'm weak and delusional. And the whole friendship thing we're trying to do, that just confuses me more. But, onward and upward. There's nothing I can really change at this point.