I wish that I could stay, but you argued
Perhaps I just don't know the meaning of the word "over". I have trouble letting go. I'm in too deep to simply walk away at this point, but I can't continue to punish myself like this. I've taken too much responsibility for things I have absolutely no control over. His mental illness is not my fault, nor is it anything that even my best actions or words can fix. What frustrates me most is that it debilitates him into hopelessness. He thinks he is the ultimate failure and that there is no reason to go on and try. As much as I want to tell him differently, I realize he has to get well on his own, and it's not going to be anywhere near easy. His bad days are still going to be terrible for him and everyone around him; his good days will give a glimmer of hope, unfortunately, one he will not recall on the bad days. This all has just been escalating and I can no longer deny the toll it's taking on me. We both need to focus on ourselves for a while. He needs to get his stuff together and do what he needs to get done; I need to accomplish everything that I've been putting off as well as learn to forgive myself and let things go.
So we're "taking a break", whatever that means. I will have no contact with him for a month; he's supposed to get with me on March 4th. It would mark 8 months of our relationship, assuming that we can remotely maintain for a month. So, I wait. I take this time for myself. I know I will feel impossibly selfish. It will kill me to not know how he is, even one a week or so, for that long. I will continue to worry, assume the worst, and think about him all the time. I will miss him more than he can even imagine, and the only thing I hope is that I cross his mind once in a while. It's hard for me to imagine that I would, since he has pressing things on his mind and they are probably more important than boring me.I will be incredibly hurt but not altogether surprised if I don't hear from him. I'm worried he's using this as a way to string me along into an easy break-up. He can disappear for a month and then simply not return. It's easy. The only thing I can do is hope that it doesn't happen.
I suppose it's necessary, but it's going to suck. I don't want to see other people. I have no interest in that. I'm still attached to him completely. Let me tell you, being in love with someone who is mentally ill is not easy. I question why or how I feel the way I do all the time. But I can't deny that when he's having a good day, we're good together. He can slightly forget his problems and depression and laugh and talk with me. We are incredibly comfortable around each other. But when it's bad, he's completely closed off. There's nothing I can do, and I feel useless. I want to help, but his sadness isn't curable by anything I can do. I guess I will be forced to take a month to relax and do what's best for me. I will have to wait. That's all I can do.
So we're "taking a break", whatever that means. I will have no contact with him for a month; he's supposed to get with me on March 4th. It would mark 8 months of our relationship, assuming that we can remotely maintain for a month. So, I wait. I take this time for myself. I know I will feel impossibly selfish. It will kill me to not know how he is, even one a week or so, for that long. I will continue to worry, assume the worst, and think about him all the time. I will miss him more than he can even imagine, and the only thing I hope is that I cross his mind once in a while. It's hard for me to imagine that I would, since he has pressing things on his mind and they are probably more important than boring me.I will be incredibly hurt but not altogether surprised if I don't hear from him. I'm worried he's using this as a way to string me along into an easy break-up. He can disappear for a month and then simply not return. It's easy. The only thing I can do is hope that it doesn't happen.
I suppose it's necessary, but it's going to suck. I don't want to see other people. I have no interest in that. I'm still attached to him completely. Let me tell you, being in love with someone who is mentally ill is not easy. I question why or how I feel the way I do all the time. But I can't deny that when he's having a good day, we're good together. He can slightly forget his problems and depression and laugh and talk with me. We are incredibly comfortable around each other. But when it's bad, he's completely closed off. There's nothing I can do, and I feel useless. I want to help, but his sadness isn't curable by anything I can do. I guess I will be forced to take a month to relax and do what's best for me. I will have to wait. That's all I can do.