I wonder if you even miss me
Waiting is certainly not my forte. I'm impatient, and I'm a planner. I always like to know what's going on. I need details to ease my anxiety-prone mind. I'm getting zero right now. This is just incredibly hard, not know what's going on. I don't know if he's freezing me out for a set period of time, or just never speaking to me again, or what. I truly just need him to talk to me, or at the very least to let me know when he will be ready. It's just incredibly frustrating to not know what I'm doing wrong. I'm infinitely apologetic, but it doesn't come across at all I guess. I don't know what approach will make him want to talk to me... probably nothing. I'm so scared.
I just want to start over. I want to take our upcoming six-month anniversary to start over. Discuss what needs to be dealt with and move on. I don't think our story is over yet. If anything, I need closure. In the back of my mind, I worry he's doing this to prove a point. If he wants me to see how he felt, I get it. I'm there. I'm going completely crazy not knowing, feeling lost, being heartbroken, and still holding out this crazy shred of hope. The only thing that truly calms me and allows me to not constantly cry is telling myself that it's not over and that we will be fine. I truly believe we were meant to be together, maybe not forever, but there's more. I need him, and it's terribly hurtful to think that he doesn't need me or even want to talk to me.
He has made me so happy for this long, and I am ready to have those great times again. True, we're either great or terrible. I want to work through what makes us terrible and use it to be stronger. He doesn't even know how he has helped me grow, just by being himself. I wish I could explain this all to him in person. I wish I could go back in time and not get mad about stupid things. I wish we would have been able to be rational and understanding. But wishes get us nowhere. I need facts. I need his arms around me, not my own tears rolling down my face. I need to hear his voice.
I just want to start over. I want to take our upcoming six-month anniversary to start over. Discuss what needs to be dealt with and move on. I don't think our story is over yet. If anything, I need closure. In the back of my mind, I worry he's doing this to prove a point. If he wants me to see how he felt, I get it. I'm there. I'm going completely crazy not knowing, feeling lost, being heartbroken, and still holding out this crazy shred of hope. The only thing that truly calms me and allows me to not constantly cry is telling myself that it's not over and that we will be fine. I truly believe we were meant to be together, maybe not forever, but there's more. I need him, and it's terribly hurtful to think that he doesn't need me or even want to talk to me.
He has made me so happy for this long, and I am ready to have those great times again. True, we're either great or terrible. I want to work through what makes us terrible and use it to be stronger. He doesn't even know how he has helped me grow, just by being himself. I wish I could explain this all to him in person. I wish I could go back in time and not get mad about stupid things. I wish we would have been able to be rational and understanding. But wishes get us nowhere. I need facts. I need his arms around me, not my own tears rolling down my face. I need to hear his voice.