The answer is in there, just stare down the barrel
Well, it happened. He finally left me, after threatening to do it so many times. I feel completely broken. I don't want to move today. No appetite. Everything is wrong. I'm missing him so much already. It's not fair how he would do it to me like this. Just leave. He's suffered from lack of closure before, and it hurts that he wants to leave it like this. Maybe he won't. I'm holding up every benefit of the doubt for him, because I truly do see the good in him. The way he did this was the worst thing he's ever done, and shows a bad side to him that I don't like or understand. If this is it, I need closure. I need to know why it's okay to just let this go. I need to be able to move on. He should certainly understand that, and grant me that.
But I keep hoping this isn't it. While I've gathered that he hasn't been fully honest with his feelings for me and doesn't exactly feel this same way (wow, obviously), I still love him. I'm in love with someone who isn't in love with me, and that's hard enough. But having him walk out and not seem to care? I can't take that lying down. I want to fix this. I want to get back to what we had, because it was good. Everyone has disagreements, and we both are quite emotional and sometimes irrational people. I just want to get over our issues, work through them together, and be great together. I'm just afraid that he will never feel the same way about me.
I'd be willing to make changes. He says the word, and I will try my hardest. I haven't been the best girlfriend I could have been, and I should have tried harder. Maybe I just shouldn't have fallen so hard for someone so different. He was a risky choice, but I knew since the first time we met that he was someone special. It's like it was fate- at least that's how I feel. All I know is that I truly need him, and I'm not willing to give up yet. And all I can do is pray that he feels the same way.
And in the back of my mind, I worry that I won't find anyone else. I don't want to find anyone else, because I found who I want. But what do I do if he doesn't want to talk, and I am forced to move on? I guess now I know what he's talking about. Love with no closure just doesn't leave. It hides in the closet; you know it's there, you never take it out, and when you crack the door, it unleashes its pent-up wrath. I'm completely scared.
But I keep hoping this isn't it. While I've gathered that he hasn't been fully honest with his feelings for me and doesn't exactly feel this same way (wow, obviously), I still love him. I'm in love with someone who isn't in love with me, and that's hard enough. But having him walk out and not seem to care? I can't take that lying down. I want to fix this. I want to get back to what we had, because it was good. Everyone has disagreements, and we both are quite emotional and sometimes irrational people. I just want to get over our issues, work through them together, and be great together. I'm just afraid that he will never feel the same way about me.
I'd be willing to make changes. He says the word, and I will try my hardest. I haven't been the best girlfriend I could have been, and I should have tried harder. Maybe I just shouldn't have fallen so hard for someone so different. He was a risky choice, but I knew since the first time we met that he was someone special. It's like it was fate- at least that's how I feel. All I know is that I truly need him, and I'm not willing to give up yet. And all I can do is pray that he feels the same way.
And in the back of my mind, I worry that I won't find anyone else. I don't want to find anyone else, because I found who I want. But what do I do if he doesn't want to talk, and I am forced to move on? I guess now I know what he's talking about. Love with no closure just doesn't leave. It hides in the closet; you know it's there, you never take it out, and when you crack the door, it unleashes its pent-up wrath. I'm completely scared.