(no subject)
Its amazing how quickly my outlook on friendship can change from positive to dangerously negative. Right now I'm at the point where I want to say forget it all and just worry about me, but I know that that's not how I really feel. I've never been good at making friend, even superficially because I've been so preoccupied with with being judgmental. I'm scared of being hurt, ridiculed, and made fun of, deserted, and disrespected as I have in the past and unless someone can show me that they're real in grasping even a little bit of who I am, I can't show them the time of day.
I've really messed things up with my roommate, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have over stepped the boundaries we set just this week but I'm afraid of going back to being alone on this campus. I need to feel connected, supported, and loved and right now I'm getting it. I don't want to compromise that or let it go, but I understand that living in a dorm is not always the most appropriate place for my friends to chill. But I still rather bitch about it right now.
I really miss being at UM. I know that I made friend there that will last me a live time, and i know that I can always find home when I'm with them. I don't have that at ECU.
I'M STILL THE OUTSIDER. I wonder if I'll ever be on the inside looking out.
~the observer~
I've really messed things up with my roommate, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have over stepped the boundaries we set just this week but I'm afraid of going back to being alone on this campus. I need to feel connected, supported, and loved and right now I'm getting it. I don't want to compromise that or let it go, but I understand that living in a dorm is not always the most appropriate place for my friends to chill. But I still rather bitch about it right now.
I really miss being at UM. I know that I made friend there that will last me a live time, and i know that I can always find home when I'm with them. I don't have that at ECU.
I'M STILL THE OUTSIDER. I wonder if I'll ever be on the inside looking out.
~the observer~