Thinking about making some changes.
I'm thinking seriously about starting to date again after I get a car, which will happen within the next four weeks. I'll have the freedom to get myself around to places and go without needing a ride or relying on bus schedules. I'll also have my work schedule set finally. Training will be out soon, thus the need for a car after seven yrs without one. The schedules start super early and end well after busses have stopped running.
I spoke with Cw this morning, briefly, about the idea. He thought that it was because there isn't enough sex. I had to explain that if there were items I saw as problematic between us, I wouldn't be considering it. The reality is, I haven't considered dating a woman since the last one accused me of rape when she started dating a homophobe. The idea is pretty terrifying for me.
I am thinking about it though. I've been thinking, and initially I thought about finding another guy, but the more I thought, the more I considered how long it has been since I had a girlfriend. It has been fear that has held me back from trying; well, fear and monogamous partners/partners who expected me to only want a threesome.
So, here I am. I have a partner who loves and supports me. His partner also cares for me. I have backing, emotionally and mentally. I have a reasonably stable home. If I'm going to try, this would be the best time.
I'm uncertain about it still, there is much we'll all have to discuss yet. At least the idea is out there on the table. I still have a lot of thinking about how to do it too, about what I'm really looking for and what I want.
One thing I'm thinking of that surprised Cw, is the idea of taking on a sub. I've been feeling a little switchy of late. It might not be a bad experience for me, given that I've never stood on that end of the whip. I do however have experience with the submissive end. Word is, the best doms/tops are subs first. Maybe I'd be good at it? I'm feeling the curiosity towards it though and considering that possibility.
If I do go that route, it'll definitely be a female sub. I know it's unfair of me, but sub guys make me just nuts. They're too, I dunno, cloying, too clingy, too much not like what I expect when interacting with a man. At least the ones I've met so far have been. And OMG, talk about making drama. Even the sub guys I've known as friends are always creating drama. They lie, manipulate and insert themselves into situations they have no place being. The friendships don't last long.
I'm sure there are male subs out there who aren't like that, and I mean nothing demeaning towards them, I'm only explaining my experiences.
When I spoke to Cw this morning, we began to touch on things like what his expectations would be. We agreed that more conversation is needed, but in short he expects that I will avoid the crazy, avoid the cowgirls, respect our relationship, and keep him involved in discussion and appraised of developments. When I explained that I've avoided dating women because of a lack of confidence, a fear resulting from having been accused of rape, and a lack of people who were supportive of me, his response was that he will troll me mercilessly, but he will be supportive should I decide to go through with looking.
The fact that his first comment was that he thought it was because of not enough sex between us does tell me that he and I need to talk a good deal more about some things that have been brought up recently. If he thinks the things we talked about are only about sex, then he didn't really hear me, and those things must be addressed again and clarified, and hopefully resolved, before I move on anything. I don't want to bring anyone into a situation that isn't stable.
There's a lot to think on, and to talk about, before anything happens. I do at least have the knowledge that I'm going about things properly.