Another late night story...
Well it's the 4th of July. Another day gone by without me remembering half of it. Another day without sleep. I wonder if I'm going to get my shit together. All this anger inside, like a ticking time-bomb. I can feel the time shorten day by day whenever something bothers me and I do nothing. I don't talk. I don't cry. I don't stop myself from doing things I wish I wouldn't have done. I just stand there...I absorb everything like a sponge. Even the things I shouldn't. I'm really scared of myself.
The reality of life is hitting me like a punch to the face. I wish I was more like a man in the sense than men are supposed to be the dominant sex of the human species. Men are supposed to want to go out and hunt and bring the meat home to support his family in chance of raising another generation. Because when it comes to doing anything I am the laziest waste of space. I mean. I grew up fatherless. My brother and sister abandoned me and grew up with each other. I grew up lonely. I grew up with nobody. My entire mom's side of the family pretty much disowned my mother so of coarse, more seclusion from reality from me. I sometimes wish I actually had a family, then sometimes I think about how I despise the average american family which is what mom's and dad's side of the family are. Now my sister lives in Boynton and is now back in my life and wanting me to accept her. But it's so hard to accept someone who abandoned you before you were able to walk.
And the drugs are starting to take a firm grip of me again. So much of myself just wants to let go and give up everything. Stop trying in school, I'm not going to grow up to be anything special. So why fool myself during the good years of my life into thinking I'm going to be some rich and happy successful person. Sometimes I just want to let the drugs pull me down until I can't get back up.
And female humans are still the most confusing of all the other creatures in the animal kingdom in my opinion. I've already given up on religion. What else can i lose before I stop caring? Not like anyone is reading my mindless self pity tangents so I mine as well shut up and keep everything bottled up like I usually do.
The reality of life is hitting me like a punch to the face. I wish I was more like a man in the sense than men are supposed to be the dominant sex of the human species. Men are supposed to want to go out and hunt and bring the meat home to support his family in chance of raising another generation. Because when it comes to doing anything I am the laziest waste of space. I mean. I grew up fatherless. My brother and sister abandoned me and grew up with each other. I grew up lonely. I grew up with nobody. My entire mom's side of the family pretty much disowned my mother so of coarse, more seclusion from reality from me. I sometimes wish I actually had a family, then sometimes I think about how I despise the average american family which is what mom's and dad's side of the family are. Now my sister lives in Boynton and is now back in my life and wanting me to accept her. But it's so hard to accept someone who abandoned you before you were able to walk.
And the drugs are starting to take a firm grip of me again. So much of myself just wants to let go and give up everything. Stop trying in school, I'm not going to grow up to be anything special. So why fool myself during the good years of my life into thinking I'm going to be some rich and happy successful person. Sometimes I just want to let the drugs pull me down until I can't get back up.
And female humans are still the most confusing of all the other creatures in the animal kingdom in my opinion. I've already given up on religion. What else can i lose before I stop caring? Not like anyone is reading my mindless self pity tangents so I mine as well shut up and keep everything bottled up like I usually do.