(no subject)
Leave LJ for six months and I come back to a completely different website. What even is this place? Luckily, it's not really some place anyone I know irl comes to anymore, so it's definitely a safe haven for me to vent my frustrations.
I wish I could be more open with the people in my life. I wish I could be the kind of person who gets drunk and just blabs exactly how I feel, like that girl I met at howl at the moon a couple weeks ago, man she was annoying, but I approve her open honesty. I guess that's why I'm so closed off, because I feel like everyone will be annoyed by my feelings~ lord knows any time I've tried to open up to Elyse about things she's either texting, or watching tv, or otherwise bothered by my mere existence. And it's not enough to look at me when I stop talking suddenly and say "I'm listening" I want to talk to you, stop looking at your phone, stop sending that text and just talk to me for like five fucking minutes.
It's not like I blame her, it's whatever, not the kind of relationship we have, and that's how I prefer it. Because though she could come to me with anything, I know she won't. We're uncomfortable with our emotions, and with sharing them, so we bottle them up and try to find different outlets to hide them in. Mine is social media, but it's so hard to complain/rant/pine about someone when they follow your twitter/tumblr/facebook blahblahblah.
And it's not like I'm not happy to listen to your problems -- I probably can't help you, and I won't say much more then 'man that really sucks...' -- but I just can't find it in me to open up and tell anyone how i feel about anything, at least not any sincere feelings.
bitter cynicism to the bitter end.
I wish I could be more open with the people in my life. I wish I could be the kind of person who gets drunk and just blabs exactly how I feel, like that girl I met at howl at the moon a couple weeks ago, man she was annoying, but I approve her open honesty. I guess that's why I'm so closed off, because I feel like everyone will be annoyed by my feelings~ lord knows any time I've tried to open up to Elyse about things she's either texting, or watching tv, or otherwise bothered by my mere existence. And it's not enough to look at me when I stop talking suddenly and say "I'm listening" I want to talk to you, stop looking at your phone, stop sending that text and just talk to me for like five fucking minutes.
It's not like I blame her, it's whatever, not the kind of relationship we have, and that's how I prefer it. Because though she could come to me with anything, I know she won't. We're uncomfortable with our emotions, and with sharing them, so we bottle them up and try to find different outlets to hide them in. Mine is social media, but it's so hard to complain/rant/pine about someone when they follow your twitter/tumblr/facebook blahblahblah.
And it's not like I'm not happy to listen to your problems -- I probably can't help you, and I won't say much more then 'man that really sucks...' -- but I just can't find it in me to open up and tell anyone how i feel about anything, at least not any sincere feelings.
bitter cynicism to the bitter end.