(no subject)
Because I know no one actually reads livejournal anymore I feel like this is a safe place to vent some frustrations. Unlike Tumblr where I will get unwanted sympathy, or twitter and facebook where I run the risk of someone I know in real life reading and confronting. I don't wanna talk about it, if I did I would talk to someone about it. This is just something I wanna get out and off my chest so I can just move on.
I liked him, I really really really did. But I knew from the start with all his bullshit and lies we could never ever ever be. Like, how can you have a relationship where one person doesn't trust the other one? Where one person is constantly lying about fucking everything? Fine. That's fine. And then the whole fight that broke out. After that I definitely knew he couldn't be trusted. But then I saw him making out with her tonight and okay it just kinda sucks you know?
And I've sort of accepted the fact that it's not him. Because if it was him, I would have said something to him. Like it's really not. Again realistically I could never properly trust him. Time and time again I asked him if he was talking to someone else while he was talking to me, and he told me no. Months later I find out I was being played all along. Fine. I just think I've reached the point in my life where I just want someone to hold.
It's difficult, however. Being how I am. I don't really go out much, so there aren't many opportunities to meet too many people. Dating sites are fun in theory, but not many people are lining up to message someone who isn't interested in sex. Kissing is sort of gross, but the first and only kiss I've had was five years ago and maybe it's changed. I just want someone to hold hands with, a cute boy to tell me jokes and watch netflix with. I know it's probably not realistic, but hey a girl can wish right?
I'm not rushing it, you know? I know either one day I'll find the right person for me, or I'll die alone. Either way, I wish I could just know my fate so I can learn to accept it and stop trying, or rest assured knowing he'll be here soon. It's tough, I don't know. Almost 24 never had a proper relationship. Maybe it's time. I don't play by societies rules and standards but hey. It would be nice to have a kiss goodnight.
Anyway I needed to get that off my chest. I feel a bit better now.
I liked him, I really really really did. But I knew from the start with all his bullshit and lies we could never ever ever be. Like, how can you have a relationship where one person doesn't trust the other one? Where one person is constantly lying about fucking everything? Fine. That's fine. And then the whole fight that broke out. After that I definitely knew he couldn't be trusted. But then I saw him making out with her tonight and okay it just kinda sucks you know?
And I've sort of accepted the fact that it's not him. Because if it was him, I would have said something to him. Like it's really not. Again realistically I could never properly trust him. Time and time again I asked him if he was talking to someone else while he was talking to me, and he told me no. Months later I find out I was being played all along. Fine. I just think I've reached the point in my life where I just want someone to hold.
It's difficult, however. Being how I am. I don't really go out much, so there aren't many opportunities to meet too many people. Dating sites are fun in theory, but not many people are lining up to message someone who isn't interested in sex. Kissing is sort of gross, but the first and only kiss I've had was five years ago and maybe it's changed. I just want someone to hold hands with, a cute boy to tell me jokes and watch netflix with. I know it's probably not realistic, but hey a girl can wish right?
I'm not rushing it, you know? I know either one day I'll find the right person for me, or I'll die alone. Either way, I wish I could just know my fate so I can learn to accept it and stop trying, or rest assured knowing he'll be here soon. It's tough, I don't know. Almost 24 never had a proper relationship. Maybe it's time. I don't play by societies rules and standards but hey. It would be nice to have a kiss goodnight.
Anyway I needed to get that off my chest. I feel a bit better now.