And I still beleive that I cannot be saved.
The Smashing Pumkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings
The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get, for my pain?
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game
Even though I know - I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold - like old job
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal
But can you fake it, for just one more show?
And what do you want?
I want to change
And what have you got, when you feel the same?
Even though I know - I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold - like old job
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was the only son, yeah.
Tell me I'm the chosen one
Jesus was the only son for you
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
And someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a-
Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a-
Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a cage
Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was the only son for you
[x4]
And I still beleive that I cannot be saved
Click to viewMonday 2012.03.28
Second from last day at work. I was dreading it as I thought I would be exhausted. Turns out that I woke full of beans ready for the world.
Forgot to mention that that i finished my latest Ian Banks, The Crow Road some time last week. It was not half as good as his more surreal books. It was too much about people and the plot was a bit thin and obvious. The obvious un-noticed love interest was so blatant even with Banks and his sporadic time jumping paragraph style of writing. Was OK but still The Bridge is my favorite. My train book/e-book os now The Secret Garden by F Hodgson Burnett.
Work passed so quickly a barely noticed it go by. God knows why, it was so quiet and several things knocked us back from targets.
It was so nice, weather wise, by the end of the day that I decided to ride home from Milton Keynes Central. I popped Smashing Pumpkins on and cruised back along the redways singing Zero to my self.
I finally got my blog updated another over a week long one! Thankfully for you people who read this not much happened so your eyes did not have to bleed.
I had set up a test time lapse recording. I set it up over a long period the night before and waited till night fall tonight to look at the footage. The picture was ever so smoother and looked great as a test but some actually work towards some thing more constructive will have to be planned and set up.
I really miss doing my Yoga, there is now room or privacy eneough in my Mums lovely little house for me to practice, it just popped in to my head how relaxing its was to do that when I got in from work.
Tuesday 2012.03.27
What a good morning, shot to work in the cold and sat on the platform. It took me an hour to get as far as Milton Keynes I then had to stay there for a half hour until a train finally arrived. I finally got to work about half an hour late.
Lunch I went to St Giles Cheese and brought a wonderful array of yummy things.
The last few hours of the day dragged by quite hideously slowly and made my days off seem to stretch out an almost infinite distance away from me. However time did still tick by just about, and I managed to get away soon enough.
Again the weather was grand and I decided to ride back from Milton Keynes Central. I took slightly different route went past the MK bowl and Furzdon Lake. Following the other side of the train track and motorway, there's a fair bit of weaving about to do with the redways and odd paths. Its not a slow ride though and because the weather was nice I had good music on it was grand. I was so happy, I had Jonsi playing in my ears, the sun blazing, the light and the lake and the rush of wind on my face as I rode. I was grinning ear to ear.
I read Akira and listened to Converter how cyber could I get. I did this most of the evening, along side helping my my brother write some of his university proposals. And cooking some roast vegetables.
Wednesday 2012.03.28
A nice slow wake up in to today, the joy of being able to turn off my alarms and not obey them was excellent.
I did about a million things in my day, lots of chores and house work but I loved every minute of it. Most bizarre I know but for some reason I really enjoyed my days work. I did get a break at points but was rudley interrupted by an unruly hound
I got most of the house bits done by about three and went for a walk with the hound.
Got home and read some more Akira while listening to Deftones and Mike V and the Rats. I cooked an evening meal of spiced cous cous and fried leeks and potatoes with a little Indian style seasoning - cumin, chili and paprika.
My evening then got a bit more exuberant we ate the bomb cheese as pictured above. It was incredible, texture of a wensleydayle but the flavour of a very strong cheddar but also creamy very different but most delicious. We then tucked in to some of Mums treats that she brought back from Belgium, obviously chocolates.
I had a long bath and shaved and styled my beard a bit also washed my hair sat and watched Alien while I sorted eyebrows and painted nails.
Thursday 2012.03.29
Italian style breakfast to start the day off.
Then got dressed in some shorts as it was so sunny. Yes I own legs!
A busy day again today lots of walks done with the hound. He was a little beast and chased the geese.
Abandoned things were discovered also.
With the dog food brought it ventured to Bletchley town hopeing for the fish stall to be there. Sadly it was not but I have discovered that on a Thursday there is a great Italian stall there one side sells bread the other does all authentic Italian produce, may have to go raid that another time when I have a day off on a Thursday. I brought a nice loaf of bread for the house.
Arriving home I found Bob hard at work, manicly preparing portfolios and posters and presentations for his university proposals. I did the house work and made lunch after feeding the dog. Made a little warm salad. Turned the slices of bread to garlic bread.
I lounged around with the hound for the rest of the day just chilling out reading my books and listening to some classical music selection. When Mum returned from teaching we went shopping together, we went to ASDA as I have not ever really used the huge ASDA in Blethcley for a food shop, only bits and bobs and attempting to buy electrical goods. Which I failed at if you remember back.
The bit I did not realise and think is a massive one up on the local Tesco, was the fresh fish counter, the presentation of it was far more eye pleasing and you could get a real good look at what you were buying. We brought some herring to go with the spaghetti and butter nut squash we had left to cook at home.
Friday 2012.02.30
Walked the hound out in the fog again it had really come down thick this morning, covered every thing again. I had to take the hound on a longer walk as Bob and Mum were driving to Brighton/Hastings to do an interview for Bobs new course.
Worked and home think I rode home again. Upon getting in I did not cook much as I did not know when the guys would be home, so I did a brief test cooking of some spiceyed semolina bread...went a bit wrong and will have to work upon that. Very sweetly when my Mum got in she said that it was unfair that I could not go to the beach so she brought me a mini beach home with her...aww aint she sweet.
Saturday 2012.03.31
Today we had a nice easy one at work as we had beat targets. Manager gave us some vouchers and brought some cider/beer for us. This started the evening in a messy way which is how it ended. Went to a carvery.
I did not eat much, I should have had more as I was wasted so drunk. It was fun, I had to go as I was destroyed, crashed at Jamie and Emilys place.
Sunday 2012.04.01
Hanging a bit but soon solved with hair of the dog. I own Jamie and Emily so many ciders...sorry. We sat about and watched cartoons and listened to Smashing Pumpkins all day, then downloaded Wipeout the PS one version which is literally the hardest game ever. Emily dropped me and the bike off at my mums, she met Toby which she had not done before and had a cuppa in the garden.
Once she had left I walked the dog round manor fields. Eventually I passed out on the sofa around lunch time cuddling my dog.
Monday 2012.04.02
Feeling fine shot to work with a spring in my step, by then end of the day I started to feel crappy, I think I had picked up my mums cold. Tried the idea of getting some adrenaline in my system so rode home. Don't think it worked.
Tuesday 2012.04.03
I woke feeling grim, but tried to just get on to make the day go past and ignore the gathering sickness. Lidl shopping and dog food shopping, got him a new collar and tag also as he has some where lost his other one. It was quite tatty anyway. He likes his new one and seems comfy in it.
Bob and I then did some more experiments with semolina trying to make a polenta type dough that we could shallow fry. We still ended up making it too wet! Tasted great but was not slice-able which is how it should be.
We also made a milk bread from the hairy bikers book of baking. It was a Norwegian Jarlesburg cheese and parsley filled bread done in sort of knotted baguettes. Took ages to make but was satisfying. While this all rose and matured we cooked a chicken soup, one whole chicken carrots and onion in a bit pot cooking for ages.
Even with all the lovely things I did today it could not help my gradually approaching illness. So I rotted.
Wednesday 2012.04.04
I woke and went to work, I probably should have just called in, but there was only three of us in so I would have left them short. In the end I got sent home and had to ride to the station in the rain, which compounded my ill feeling. Slept all day waking up only to pee and eat.
Thursday 2012.04.05
Called in today as I was feeling so gross still, no sleep no rest all night due to sweating and madness dreams. Going back to sleep now as I have been awake since five am.