And you know, that she's gone, cause' she left you a song that you don't want to sing....
I haven't been myself as of late....for this I DON'T apologize.
I haven't been fun.
I haven't been goofy.
I haven't even been approachable.
Today my mom asked me what was wrong, when I told her she almost cried, she is a very emotional woman and she wants to give me everything, even this, but she knows in this matter she is powerless. I love her.
I have had some horrible dreams, nightmares rather as of late. Every night since Thursday a different nightmare for every night. On Sunday morning I woke up in tears....I had been crying in my sleep. My dream was so vivid, my sister was crossing a road and didn't look before she crossed, as she crossed I yelled "Stop!", she continued and was hit by a car, I ran over to her and she was bleeding to death, a girl was with me, she just stood there, I woke up in tears.
Why am I so sad?
Why am I so angry?
Why do I question everything?
Why can't I just get over it and let it be?
I have a wonderful life, I have a family that loves me, I have my health and my life, have all the neccessities, I have some really good friends, and tons of acquaintances, so why must I be so down, so unsettled in my own head?
powerless....
I am powerless...
Maybe the purpose of all of this is to show me that I'm not a super hero, I can't stop the world from turning, I can't save everyone, but most of all I can't save myself...
My grandmother is so lonely, I know she misses him. We all do. I went to visit her today, I scared her because it was dark outside and I forgot to call before I went. She said "Who is it?" really loud and I said "Daniel" but she didn't understand me so when she opened the door she was so scared, and I felt bad. She called me a shit-ass because i got my eyebrow pierced...I laughed. I love her.
I was just talking to my friend Chanda about the passing of her Grandmother. I hate it for her because I know she doesn't know how to deal with this. One day they are there and the next day they aren't. You don't even get to say your formal goodbyes. I understand her, I didn't know what to do, you just assume they will live forever. I suppose it's selfish to have such thoughts.
Death scares me. I don't go to funeral homes. I've been three times total. Death is so unfair, that's why I don't like it. Because we don't choose when we die, it can come anytime, and we all die alone. No one makes the journey with us.
I remember when my grandpa Joe died, I din't think I'd cry. I didn't know him as well, and I always went to my other grandpa. I was sitting in the front row as they said the last words, I rememeber telling myself "Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't you dare cry." I looked over because I heard someone bust out crying. It was my dad. My dad the stoic, the man that never shows any emotion, this man I looked up to for so many years, and hated for many more, was in tears, in front of all these people that he knew, friends, family, acquaintances, customers, and he was pouring his heart and soul out through his eyes. I couldn't help but cry. That was the moment I realized it was okay to cry.
I'll eventually get over this. Soon I'll stop making excuses for her and I'll realize that she really just doesn't want me....someday...maybe soon...maybe far....i don't look at other girls, I don't think other girls are cute, I don't know what I want my next step to be....
I'll never eat at another waffle house ever again....
Love, Daniel
I haven't been fun.
I haven't been goofy.
I haven't even been approachable.
Today my mom asked me what was wrong, when I told her she almost cried, she is a very emotional woman and she wants to give me everything, even this, but she knows in this matter she is powerless. I love her.
I have had some horrible dreams, nightmares rather as of late. Every night since Thursday a different nightmare for every night. On Sunday morning I woke up in tears....I had been crying in my sleep. My dream was so vivid, my sister was crossing a road and didn't look before she crossed, as she crossed I yelled "Stop!", she continued and was hit by a car, I ran over to her and she was bleeding to death, a girl was with me, she just stood there, I woke up in tears.
Why am I so sad?
Why am I so angry?
Why do I question everything?
Why can't I just get over it and let it be?
I have a wonderful life, I have a family that loves me, I have my health and my life, have all the neccessities, I have some really good friends, and tons of acquaintances, so why must I be so down, so unsettled in my own head?
powerless....
I am powerless...
Maybe the purpose of all of this is to show me that I'm not a super hero, I can't stop the world from turning, I can't save everyone, but most of all I can't save myself...
My grandmother is so lonely, I know she misses him. We all do. I went to visit her today, I scared her because it was dark outside and I forgot to call before I went. She said "Who is it?" really loud and I said "Daniel" but she didn't understand me so when she opened the door she was so scared, and I felt bad. She called me a shit-ass because i got my eyebrow pierced...I laughed. I love her.
I was just talking to my friend Chanda about the passing of her Grandmother. I hate it for her because I know she doesn't know how to deal with this. One day they are there and the next day they aren't. You don't even get to say your formal goodbyes. I understand her, I didn't know what to do, you just assume they will live forever. I suppose it's selfish to have such thoughts.
Death scares me. I don't go to funeral homes. I've been three times total. Death is so unfair, that's why I don't like it. Because we don't choose when we die, it can come anytime, and we all die alone. No one makes the journey with us.
I remember when my grandpa Joe died, I din't think I'd cry. I didn't know him as well, and I always went to my other grandpa. I was sitting in the front row as they said the last words, I rememeber telling myself "Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't you dare cry." I looked over because I heard someone bust out crying. It was my dad. My dad the stoic, the man that never shows any emotion, this man I looked up to for so many years, and hated for many more, was in tears, in front of all these people that he knew, friends, family, acquaintances, customers, and he was pouring his heart and soul out through his eyes. I couldn't help but cry. That was the moment I realized it was okay to cry.
I'll eventually get over this. Soon I'll stop making excuses for her and I'll realize that she really just doesn't want me....someday...maybe soon...maybe far....i don't look at other girls, I don't think other girls are cute, I don't know what I want my next step to be....
I'll never eat at another waffle house ever again....
Love, Daniel