lulz
In the middle of an appointment with a case manager for DMH yesterday, a random fart noise came from my dad's blackberry. The tone of the conversation was very serious until this happened, and I was pretty much about to cry because the lady asked me to talk about my past and I hate even thinking about it lately, it causes a lot of un-wanted, un-neccessary emotional pain. I figure I'm already trying to work through these issues with my social worker by working on DBT and I don't need to go through my past of self harm, drug abuse, etc... it's not the most pleasant thing to talk about with someone I don't even know. Obviously she's trying to help me but I don't really want to talk about it with a stranger.
But when the fart noise came on, which was set as a ringtone, I immediately started cracking up, whilst my dad is trying really hard to be serious and cover it up, but laughing nervously and saying "oh dear" as if he actually farted. The lady had no idea how to react. She sort of nervously laughed too. Dark past, blah blah blah, *Loud fart sound*. I was like "come on, what are you so nervous about?". I figured it was some stupid thing my dad and brother did in their spare time together... a father son bonding experience... etc.... and that he had gotten it online or something, downloaded it. When the turmoil of the 20 questions from her was finally over and we were walking out of the building, I asked him about it, laughing. He told me he recorded it himself.... that it was him. I said "No way, dad!!". He said yes, laughing, a little embarassed, but very proud of his flatulent noises. It sounded FAKE because it was so loud and awkward... so I was really impressed. I told him I thought it was impressive and hilarious.... and that wasn't all. He also told me that he recorded like 7 of them.... by this point, I'm actually a little disturbed, but still cracking up. It seemed like something someone would do when they're high or drunk or whatever, like a teenager. He explained that my stepmom's brother, Ken, had an app on his iPhone where you could make farts your ringtone, that you had to pay for... and he was like "screw that, I'm going to make my own"....
Amazing.
Other than that I received really crappy news from them, but I'm going to hang out with two very fun oddball western mass friends of mine tomorrow and artisticly collaborate. Dan wants me to do his makeup (he's gay and I didn't know this when we went to highschool together until this past year when he decided he wants to be a girl), and Pete, who I haven't seen since I was 15, wants to do some music and take some photos and videos. He was always fun for that when I was a teen, though the fact that he was much older intimidated me. It doesn't anymore though and this interaction should go smoothly.
I don't like those moments where I realize I'm here. I feel trapped. But I also think in a sense I'm healing from some past trauma, and my mom is being pretty awesome about all of this... very patient, generous, etc. She hasn't complained about her boyfriend much either. She said she missed him, loved him, and wanted to marry him last week. It was really nice to hear her not feeling so broken up and sad/confused. She's also applying for grad school.
I looked at the synastry between my friend Dan and I tonight, and it's actually very positive, and I realized why we relate to eachother so well. Mostly both of us have strong self confidence issues relating to our fathers, and from meeting his dad last week, I can see why. I think he's feeling really low lately for some reason, but he didn't want to hang out this weekend. I miss him and I care a lot when he's not around, but I don't want to bog him down and make his problems worse. I'm really disoriented myself lately. I still need to rate my moods from 0-10... I also want to look through the packet she gave me.
Meow.
But when the fart noise came on, which was set as a ringtone, I immediately started cracking up, whilst my dad is trying really hard to be serious and cover it up, but laughing nervously and saying "oh dear" as if he actually farted. The lady had no idea how to react. She sort of nervously laughed too. Dark past, blah blah blah, *Loud fart sound*. I was like "come on, what are you so nervous about?". I figured it was some stupid thing my dad and brother did in their spare time together... a father son bonding experience... etc.... and that he had gotten it online or something, downloaded it. When the turmoil of the 20 questions from her was finally over and we were walking out of the building, I asked him about it, laughing. He told me he recorded it himself.... that it was him. I said "No way, dad!!". He said yes, laughing, a little embarassed, but very proud of his flatulent noises. It sounded FAKE because it was so loud and awkward... so I was really impressed. I told him I thought it was impressive and hilarious.... and that wasn't all. He also told me that he recorded like 7 of them.... by this point, I'm actually a little disturbed, but still cracking up. It seemed like something someone would do when they're high or drunk or whatever, like a teenager. He explained that my stepmom's brother, Ken, had an app on his iPhone where you could make farts your ringtone, that you had to pay for... and he was like "screw that, I'm going to make my own"....
Amazing.
Other than that I received really crappy news from them, but I'm going to hang out with two very fun oddball western mass friends of mine tomorrow and artisticly collaborate. Dan wants me to do his makeup (he's gay and I didn't know this when we went to highschool together until this past year when he decided he wants to be a girl), and Pete, who I haven't seen since I was 15, wants to do some music and take some photos and videos. He was always fun for that when I was a teen, though the fact that he was much older intimidated me. It doesn't anymore though and this interaction should go smoothly.
I don't like those moments where I realize I'm here. I feel trapped. But I also think in a sense I'm healing from some past trauma, and my mom is being pretty awesome about all of this... very patient, generous, etc. She hasn't complained about her boyfriend much either. She said she missed him, loved him, and wanted to marry him last week. It was really nice to hear her not feeling so broken up and sad/confused. She's also applying for grad school.
I looked at the synastry between my friend Dan and I tonight, and it's actually very positive, and I realized why we relate to eachother so well. Mostly both of us have strong self confidence issues relating to our fathers, and from meeting his dad last week, I can see why. I think he's feeling really low lately for some reason, but he didn't want to hang out this weekend. I miss him and I care a lot when he's not around, but I don't want to bog him down and make his problems worse. I'm really disoriented myself lately. I still need to rate my moods from 0-10... I also want to look through the packet she gave me.
Meow.