on my mind
I guess I have alot on my mind, which isnt helping me any...I think I am getting really depressed...I am up 15 hours away from home doing research for my master's...the research is boring as hell....MY meals are planned, my days are planned, everything is planned and I HATE THAT!!! I flew up so I dont have my car, so I am always at camp and there are people everywhere and I cant get away!!! I just want to be alone for awhile...not to mention all this food is ridicolous so I cant get out of meal time (small place, people notice) and I cant purge later because there is no where I am alone...I jog alot, so thank god for at least that!! I guess all of this is worse because my mom has stage 4 lung cancer (spread into her bones and brain already) and we found out 2 months ago, I have mostly been here and I want to be home to take care of her and I am not....I want to quit but then I would be a big fat ugly failure and I am NEVER SUPPOSED TO QUIT!! I wish I was home, I hate this! :(