Not much to say, yet alot on my mind...so taht means?...long post

[liastorm]

Well i actually went to my ceramics class...after a long while of not.. i didn't finish, or hardly start, the last project. but i'm going to do this final project, !!! w00t the final project is well, anything we want to do. it's awesome! since i've been feeling down, my first sketches were kinda depressing, something to do with fighting inner demons (i'll scan pics and post them up after a while, maybe this weekend). i finally decided on what i'm going to do, it's a fancy incense stick/cone sage(speaking of which..-burns sage- ahhh so nice) and sweet grass burner (and no sweet gras is NOT pot). but it's gonna be really cool. goign to have storage spaces and different places to put different kinds of insense that is specific to that kind and all sorts of stuff! it's goign to be good sized, but cool when it's done. i cant wait to start. i wont have time outside of class to finish until after friday. i have my paper outline (research sources found and noted and what not) for my art history paper due friday...and something else i think,...OH YA listening project for orchestra..it is so stupid. we have to go and listen to what we're playing, if we don't we go down a letter grade.....GAY!! and i prolly have a B in the class atm 'cause of absences. BLEH i'm kinda over viola atm sadly. i'm getting my art kick back kinda W00T and i'm feeling a lot better, especially about ceramics, this last project is going to kick my ass, but it's goign to be SOO FRIGG'N COOL if done right lol!!! anywaz. as far as my mind goes...i still have to write this lette rto my mom about me moving...since i told her i would and all that jazz. i'm still figuring out how i'm going to go about this mess with my mom. i know she deosn't want me to move b/c she thinks of terry as my dad....WHICH IS NOT TRUE!!! 1)my dad didn't want to step up to the plate when it came to taking care of his daughter 2) he took my mom's savings to buy drugs 3) he was sloppy and messy and a violent drunk (he didnt' take his dog out all the time, and dint' clean up after her apparently...terry is messy, but we both are, but we still dont' let it get too bad, and we will not live like we did before, and terry doesn't drink to get drunk) and the something that reflexs both my mom and dad, a witness to their wedding was a ONE NIGHT STAND HE HAD HAD THE NIGHT BEFORE!?!?!?!??!? i can't believe my mom compairs terry to my dad..my dad never paid childsupport, he never really seemed to give a SHIT about me, hardly called, called for a while, i prolly haven't heard from him in a long time. years and years. ahsn't even mailed me anything, and honestly, i dont think he knows when my bday is. and she compairs terry to THIS!? honestly she doesnt have the best judge of character...and she says these things to me..she once dated a man by the name of Chris (my friends know this one) my mom was smitten by him. he was 'nice' but there was something..wrong. she asked me what i thought of him, i said i didn't really care for him, but it was her not me she can do waht she wants. he was a bastard, he had a wife and kids and about 3-4 other women...and my mom says she should have listened to me..and i wont' get started on Billy....RAWER!! anywaz, that's my rant. she says these things...but rawer. anywaz crazy shit lays ahead, and all i can do is grin and bare it. there are only a few weeks worth of school days left. so we have somewhere around 20 days left... i think, i dont' remember. but i will get thru this, and move, and come home for christmas. my 2 major probs are letting my work down softly (i an honestly the only person who can do what i do there, whether i get paid shit or not, there's one person who's getting to the point, but ya, he can't really.. good luck dwayne replacing me, b/c you have a hard time finding good workers) and the second is letting my mom know -_- the letter will be written when i dont have a paper outline to write. aside from all taht, i need to do research about KU so i knwo what the cost is. -_- but aside from all the crazy mind stuff, i'm doing better! i'm happy again, and i'm lov'n it! there are still 'moments' of bleh,b ut they pass quickly. i'm gettin gmyself back already, and i'm so glad, i was starting to miss her.
and my song atm is Sarah Mclachlan's Elsewhere, perfect song for me atm...

-->Lyrics
I love the time and in between
The calm inside me
In the space where i can breathe
I believe there is a
Distance i have wandered
To touch upon the years of
Reaching out and reaching in
Holding out holding in

I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And i'll defend it as long as i can be
Left here to linger in silence
If i choose to
Would you try to understand

I know this love is passing time
Passing through like liquid
I am drunk in my desire...
But i love the way you smile at me
I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near...
I believe...

I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And i'll defend it as long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
If i choose to
Would you try to understand

Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
The mold that clings like desperation
Mother can't you see i've got
To live my life the way i feel is right for me
Might not be right for you but it's right for me...
I believe...

I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And i'll defend it as long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
If i choose to
Would you try to understand it

I would like to linger here in silence
If i choose to
Would you understand it
Would you try to understand...

'night all