The pyramids & adoptive parents
Aw folks, last night when Mr. XX came in I told him how I cried for like half an hour and then i just sort of fell asleep. Here is the really funny thing, I can hardly remember it- I was so tired- it was already past 3am when i made this confession. So I know that I was delirious, omg, and god knows that's the only reason why i would get upset about the Alexis drama. I don't even talk to her that much anymore. In the past month maybe for an hour or something. ::shrug:: whatever.
So resume for yesterday. Puta madre, we went to the fucking pyramids- OMG, folks, you have to see them for yourselves. I am completely serious- they are beautiful and magestic and aesthetically amazing. So we had breakfast on the way there and i love taking the Metro here and the bus to the pyramids- folks spring break... I am completely serious- we going to iether crash here in Mexico City or Guadalajara... Besides, Vero lives there lol so I can find something interesting to do... Ay, why is my sexual life so fucking dead. Kody, you got to do something man, boy, you know that I can't have sex unless you are present in the room, shit I miss you.
So this pyramids and we went all the way up the Luna instead of the Sol pyramid. As you know the Aztecs believed in the Sun and Moon God and they had pyramids and was in my opinion one of the greatest civilizations ever before colonization. Think of the layers of history in each stone of those pyramids- and the sort of celebrations that went on- the dances, the human sacrifices- yeh, ok, I am not cool about the sacrifices, but still. It was beautiful. You get up there and you see into the mountains- the ruins- omg, it's an orgasm. folks, when you get here you don't even think about sex, I am so fucking serious- all I could think while here so far is like OMG, this is my descendants- this are my people, lol. This is my culture- because well the pipiles, which are the "native" folks of El Salvador are descendants from MExico. Whatever, we all the same shit here in Latin aMerica... lol, south america is something else. We share even some of the same roots of words from our ancient language- Nahua.
Then we came back to the hotel and got ready for this media thing- and it went really well. I didn't say anything so I just listened to Mr. XX and Ms. X talk- because well I don't really know what to say, but i think that the more I hear them talk the more i understand the message that they want to send... which I already knew, but ya know, it's like our workshop scripts- lol- you want to see it performed by others and then run over it and say i got it.
Then we went to eat and I had a really amazing conversation with Mr. XX and Ms. X. I swear, I am like in love with them both- seriously, I am like they are my adoptive parents lol. It's like they care about me... I am not used to that sort of afection from well... people that I feel I hardly really know... except for Ms. X. It's like... I swear, it feels like family. It's just nothing has happened so fast and easy and it's like we speak spanish and it's like OMG, I just never get to say shit in Spanish... and it's a cultural sort of thing i guess. We talked about terminology- and there was a point that I was actually surprised... So here goes:
A straight identify guy is attracted to transgender and transexual women- now soemeone said that he was like he was in the down low- and I swear I was like WHAT LOL. I mean, seriously folks, I was surprise that well someone would say that. I actually will go back and clarify that. I explained that the guy said that he is completely attracted to the feminity and then someone asked if he was attracted to really flamboyant boys and the truth is that I don't know... I am actually curious now. But anyway, I also want to emphasize that people can identify whatever they wish to identify with- and their sexual practices doesn't always match that... I mean, check out all the straight girls messing with other girls, and they are straight... are they in denail, no... maybe some of them lol, but a lot of them are concious and are allies and supporters and everything... Or myself, I know I am gay/lesbian but I like to say I am queer... I mean I am completely fluid sometimes- and i deff think that sexual practices can change over time- we learn new things all the time. But even more of the importance of me wanting to explain to this person is that to say that a guy is in the down low bc he would love to be with a trans identify person- well it's just like saying- that the trans woman is not a really woman or a real man, and that's soooo not true. Seriously man, for real.
Another sort of big fight we have going on is talking about the difference between sexual orientation and sexual preference. Honestly, in queer studies, lots of people use sexual preference because of the whole fluidity issue... BUT i know that we always use orientation (for example in outspoken trainings with NYU faculty, students, etc) because it's more of the correct term... calling it a preference is like saying there is a choice- there is just so much confusion, but listen to this- speaking with a woman here she says that yes, it is a choice... I was like OK, i get it, you can choose if you want to express your sexual desires or you can live in the closet, but WHY. No, you can't help how you feel- that's the difference, it's a perference up to the point of appearances alone- but not how someone truly feels inside. Get me? Like, yes, you can choose to marry a man and have kids and blah blah blah... even if you are a lesbian, but that's such a tragic sort of life nah... I mean, unless that's what you truly want... And there is a sort of power in saying- no, this is how I FEEL AND I CHOOSE TO LIVE THIS WAY (say in a lesbian relationship)- the power, you know what I mean, in saying- this is my life- my own self determination regardless of what you say. And as a community that craves some sort of power- the power that we can excercise is what we choose to do with our bobies, love lives, etc. At the same time, I want to stress that it shouldn't matter if it's not a choice to be gay- so WHAT, even if it was a choice- nobody has the right to tell you who the fuck to fuck. That's my thing. Nobody can tell you what to do with your body or how you live your life. Folks, I can't wait to have our party over at Kody's warming up party because this is something we need to talk about. I know we had this conversation thousands and billions of times, but seriously, it's just really good conversation. Besides, I need to know all the new queer studies that have come out since i left school so i am expecting good theories- :)
Then we came back to the hotel with some folks and they talked about zodiac signs and that's when i started to break down... maybet hat's why alexis and I didn't work out lol because maybe our zodiac signs are not comparable. I know:( I don't believe in that stuff, lol, i think it's sort of ummm... well... i just don't believe in it. I think I believe more in like aliens and maybe even god than the Zodiac signs. I mean folks seriously, you were born in whatever month because your parents decided to fuck at a particular time and in my case my mom did not expect to get pregnant... I mean ya know. lol. Whatever, I just got all upset that people was just so adamant of this works with such a sign and this will never work and it's like- shit, should i go around asking, yo what's your sign and decide from there if I want to date them... lol. I mean nah, I am an equal opportunity employeer lol.
Earlier in the day there were lots of shares of the first time that we had sex and folks- i got to say, i hadn't have that conversation with my best friends yet... because well... ya know, it's like private stuff... but I am actually curious- so that's going to be an amazing conversation for Kody's warming house party. lol. I don't mind sharing my story- and i guess you will understand why it was so hard for me to get over alexis. I was an idiot- yo de pendeja- lol. Que estupida hahaha. And they share their love stories- the person they are like completely sure in love with or their partner, whatever. Let me tell you, you listen to their love stories and it's like- how can anyone tell me that it's not real... it's just- i swear, i felt my heart breaking because they were so beautiful. And you know I cry a lot lol, over dumb shit, so I swear- i had my bladder in my eyes- nearly... but ya know, I dont like people to see me cry... so i controlled myself.
Folks, que linda es la cuidad de mexico- I want to work in a museum here. I want to work in the pyramids, doing what, i dont know, but there is just so much there! OMG, folks, im urging you- let's come to Mexico city folks- I am a bit scare about brining some of ya bc lol well you cant pass as a latina/o and are at higher risk of getting rob or something, lol... but damn you dont know what you are missing. If you think Buenos aires is amazing, it is nothing compare to Mexico city. I have had so much fun so far in this trip...
Oh yes, also yesterday we met with this HIV media folks and I am horribly interested in working with them somehow... somehow, i will figure it out... I am so overwhelmed by the beauty around me. It's too much. Too much. I could cry infront of the murals of Diego Rivera, and ya'll know I hate him! lol bc I think he made Frida suffer, but she also stayed with him, she could have had a relationship with another cool man or sexy sexy hot woman lol. So she just loved him in a crazy way... love can be like that... ahaha....
~mina
So resume for yesterday. Puta madre, we went to the fucking pyramids- OMG, folks, you have to see them for yourselves. I am completely serious- they are beautiful and magestic and aesthetically amazing. So we had breakfast on the way there and i love taking the Metro here and the bus to the pyramids- folks spring break... I am completely serious- we going to iether crash here in Mexico City or Guadalajara... Besides, Vero lives there lol so I can find something interesting to do... Ay, why is my sexual life so fucking dead. Kody, you got to do something man, boy, you know that I can't have sex unless you are present in the room, shit I miss you.
So this pyramids and we went all the way up the Luna instead of the Sol pyramid. As you know the Aztecs believed in the Sun and Moon God and they had pyramids and was in my opinion one of the greatest civilizations ever before colonization. Think of the layers of history in each stone of those pyramids- and the sort of celebrations that went on- the dances, the human sacrifices- yeh, ok, I am not cool about the sacrifices, but still. It was beautiful. You get up there and you see into the mountains- the ruins- omg, it's an orgasm. folks, when you get here you don't even think about sex, I am so fucking serious- all I could think while here so far is like OMG, this is my descendants- this are my people, lol. This is my culture- because well the pipiles, which are the "native" folks of El Salvador are descendants from MExico. Whatever, we all the same shit here in Latin aMerica... lol, south america is something else. We share even some of the same roots of words from our ancient language- Nahua.
Then we came back to the hotel and got ready for this media thing- and it went really well. I didn't say anything so I just listened to Mr. XX and Ms. X talk- because well I don't really know what to say, but i think that the more I hear them talk the more i understand the message that they want to send... which I already knew, but ya know, it's like our workshop scripts- lol- you want to see it performed by others and then run over it and say i got it.
Then we went to eat and I had a really amazing conversation with Mr. XX and Ms. X. I swear, I am like in love with them both- seriously, I am like they are my adoptive parents lol. It's like they care about me... I am not used to that sort of afection from well... people that I feel I hardly really know... except for Ms. X. It's like... I swear, it feels like family. It's just nothing has happened so fast and easy and it's like we speak spanish and it's like OMG, I just never get to say shit in Spanish... and it's a cultural sort of thing i guess. We talked about terminology- and there was a point that I was actually surprised... So here goes:
A straight identify guy is attracted to transgender and transexual women- now soemeone said that he was like he was in the down low- and I swear I was like WHAT LOL. I mean, seriously folks, I was surprise that well someone would say that. I actually will go back and clarify that. I explained that the guy said that he is completely attracted to the feminity and then someone asked if he was attracted to really flamboyant boys and the truth is that I don't know... I am actually curious now. But anyway, I also want to emphasize that people can identify whatever they wish to identify with- and their sexual practices doesn't always match that... I mean, check out all the straight girls messing with other girls, and they are straight... are they in denail, no... maybe some of them lol, but a lot of them are concious and are allies and supporters and everything... Or myself, I know I am gay/lesbian but I like to say I am queer... I mean I am completely fluid sometimes- and i deff think that sexual practices can change over time- we learn new things all the time. But even more of the importance of me wanting to explain to this person is that to say that a guy is in the down low bc he would love to be with a trans identify person- well it's just like saying- that the trans woman is not a really woman or a real man, and that's soooo not true. Seriously man, for real.
Another sort of big fight we have going on is talking about the difference between sexual orientation and sexual preference. Honestly, in queer studies, lots of people use sexual preference because of the whole fluidity issue... BUT i know that we always use orientation (for example in outspoken trainings with NYU faculty, students, etc) because it's more of the correct term... calling it a preference is like saying there is a choice- there is just so much confusion, but listen to this- speaking with a woman here she says that yes, it is a choice... I was like OK, i get it, you can choose if you want to express your sexual desires or you can live in the closet, but WHY. No, you can't help how you feel- that's the difference, it's a perference up to the point of appearances alone- but not how someone truly feels inside. Get me? Like, yes, you can choose to marry a man and have kids and blah blah blah... even if you are a lesbian, but that's such a tragic sort of life nah... I mean, unless that's what you truly want... And there is a sort of power in saying- no, this is how I FEEL AND I CHOOSE TO LIVE THIS WAY (say in a lesbian relationship)- the power, you know what I mean, in saying- this is my life- my own self determination regardless of what you say. And as a community that craves some sort of power- the power that we can excercise is what we choose to do with our bobies, love lives, etc. At the same time, I want to stress that it shouldn't matter if it's not a choice to be gay- so WHAT, even if it was a choice- nobody has the right to tell you who the fuck to fuck. That's my thing. Nobody can tell you what to do with your body or how you live your life. Folks, I can't wait to have our party over at Kody's warming up party because this is something we need to talk about. I know we had this conversation thousands and billions of times, but seriously, it's just really good conversation. Besides, I need to know all the new queer studies that have come out since i left school so i am expecting good theories- :)
Then we came back to the hotel with some folks and they talked about zodiac signs and that's when i started to break down... maybet hat's why alexis and I didn't work out lol because maybe our zodiac signs are not comparable. I know:( I don't believe in that stuff, lol, i think it's sort of ummm... well... i just don't believe in it. I think I believe more in like aliens and maybe even god than the Zodiac signs. I mean folks seriously, you were born in whatever month because your parents decided to fuck at a particular time and in my case my mom did not expect to get pregnant... I mean ya know. lol. Whatever, I just got all upset that people was just so adamant of this works with such a sign and this will never work and it's like- shit, should i go around asking, yo what's your sign and decide from there if I want to date them... lol. I mean nah, I am an equal opportunity employeer lol.
Earlier in the day there were lots of shares of the first time that we had sex and folks- i got to say, i hadn't have that conversation with my best friends yet... because well... ya know, it's like private stuff... but I am actually curious- so that's going to be an amazing conversation for Kody's warming house party. lol. I don't mind sharing my story- and i guess you will understand why it was so hard for me to get over alexis. I was an idiot- yo de pendeja- lol. Que estupida hahaha. And they share their love stories- the person they are like completely sure in love with or their partner, whatever. Let me tell you, you listen to their love stories and it's like- how can anyone tell me that it's not real... it's just- i swear, i felt my heart breaking because they were so beautiful. And you know I cry a lot lol, over dumb shit, so I swear- i had my bladder in my eyes- nearly... but ya know, I dont like people to see me cry... so i controlled myself.
Folks, que linda es la cuidad de mexico- I want to work in a museum here. I want to work in the pyramids, doing what, i dont know, but there is just so much there! OMG, folks, im urging you- let's come to Mexico city folks- I am a bit scare about brining some of ya bc lol well you cant pass as a latina/o and are at higher risk of getting rob or something, lol... but damn you dont know what you are missing. If you think Buenos aires is amazing, it is nothing compare to Mexico city. I have had so much fun so far in this trip...
Oh yes, also yesterday we met with this HIV media folks and I am horribly interested in working with them somehow... somehow, i will figure it out... I am so overwhelmed by the beauty around me. It's too much. Too much. I could cry infront of the murals of Diego Rivera, and ya'll know I hate him! lol bc I think he made Frida suffer, but she also stayed with him, she could have had a relationship with another cool man or sexy sexy hot woman lol. So she just loved him in a crazy way... love can be like that... ahaha....
~mina