What a LOOOOONG night
I'm sitting in the middle of a pool of boxes...it sucks!!!
I have no idea where anything is b/c I've got about half of my life packed away in these things...and you'd think that after living in this new apartment for 5 months, I wouldn't need whatever was left in Baton Rouge, right??
Wrong!
Once you start to go through things, you find stuff you forgot you had--Oh look, a great picture frame!... A Pyrex baking dish??-cool!...2 Dave Cd's? Awesome!
It's addicting. I am certainly NOT one to throw things away. I try to stay pretty organized, but somehow, "organized" turns into "neatly stacking the stuff in a corner so it looks like a lot less than it really is!"..ugh.
Today was somehow worse than I thought it would be, but at the same time, better. I have no idea how it makes sense, but it just does, somewhere in my head. I got to BR this morning, super excited about seeing jess and travis and getting something accomplished with the packing situation. We went to eat burgers, saw their new house, visited, etc. It was great! Then....I started the packing....and it got awful. I was perfectly A-OK, and then this sad country song came on the radio (what is it with these sad songs?!) and i burst out crying. I was doing so well, just dumping EVERYTHING into a trash bag...I mean every single thing...all clothes and books, plus all the "garth related items": cards, the notes, all the ticket stubs from trips, etc. And then, I felt really guilty for just dumping our memories into a trash can. So, I started saving things. But THEN--I called him as I was leaving BR to see if I could make a quick visit, just to say hello (His birthday IS tomorrow...and I do still care about him, so I didn't think it'd be right to come all that way and not stop by.) WELL...boy was I wrong b/c he was 'just getting back from grocery shopping at walmart' and "they" were about to cook and eat dinner, "so maybe another time, mkay?"
I mean, completely valid excuse, but it just made me break down on the way home, seeing as though he was such an incredibly huge part of me, of my life, and I came that way knowing thatI'd like to see him for his birthday, and he completely blew me off.
Being in Baton Rouge, seeing campus, getting those "lsu goose-bump" chills when I came over the bridge--it all made me anxious for football season and future tailgating. BUT...passing down my old street, even just driving down Nicholson, seeing the smoothie place, the pathways I used to take to get to class, the visions of us driving each other to work and to class in the morning...it all just made me once again notice how much time and energy and effort we both put into that relationship...and how much we shared...and how many amazing years we spent together while experiencing the greatest college in the world. I blubbered like a baby the whole way home, but it felt good. Actually, it felt GREAT because I got out all the angst, the guilt, the sadness...and as soon as I got back to Lafayette, I felt this incredible overwhelming comfort, like "This is my home. Feels good to be back to normal right now." And as soon as I said it to myself, I realized--WOW! Progress! A month ago, I was complaining that "I want things to be 'normal' again, to be back in the good old days at LSU with garth and friends..." And though that hasn't changed much, it feels good to realize that "normal" for me now may be exactly where I'm at.
And so, i continue to sift through boxes, finding dishes, books, papers, cd's, lots of things I probably don't need. And amidst it all are a whole lot of Garth items-lots of pictures, lots of cards, lots of smiles and tears. But this time I will put them into an album, because even though he may not care at all about those memories any more, they are still important to me, and they should be. So, as the cheesy saying goes, I will "not cry because it's over, but smile because it happened."
Or at least I promise to try...
I have no idea where anything is b/c I've got about half of my life packed away in these things...and you'd think that after living in this new apartment for 5 months, I wouldn't need whatever was left in Baton Rouge, right??
Wrong!
Once you start to go through things, you find stuff you forgot you had--Oh look, a great picture frame!... A Pyrex baking dish??-cool!...2 Dave Cd's? Awesome!
It's addicting. I am certainly NOT one to throw things away. I try to stay pretty organized, but somehow, "organized" turns into "neatly stacking the stuff in a corner so it looks like a lot less than it really is!"..ugh.
Today was somehow worse than I thought it would be, but at the same time, better. I have no idea how it makes sense, but it just does, somewhere in my head. I got to BR this morning, super excited about seeing jess and travis and getting something accomplished with the packing situation. We went to eat burgers, saw their new house, visited, etc. It was great! Then....I started the packing....and it got awful. I was perfectly A-OK, and then this sad country song came on the radio (what is it with these sad songs?!) and i burst out crying. I was doing so well, just dumping EVERYTHING into a trash bag...I mean every single thing...all clothes and books, plus all the "garth related items": cards, the notes, all the ticket stubs from trips, etc. And then, I felt really guilty for just dumping our memories into a trash can. So, I started saving things. But THEN--I called him as I was leaving BR to see if I could make a quick visit, just to say hello (His birthday IS tomorrow...and I do still care about him, so I didn't think it'd be right to come all that way and not stop by.) WELL...boy was I wrong b/c he was 'just getting back from grocery shopping at walmart' and "they" were about to cook and eat dinner, "so maybe another time, mkay?"
I mean, completely valid excuse, but it just made me break down on the way home, seeing as though he was such an incredibly huge part of me, of my life, and I came that way knowing thatI'd like to see him for his birthday, and he completely blew me off.
Being in Baton Rouge, seeing campus, getting those "lsu goose-bump" chills when I came over the bridge--it all made me anxious for football season and future tailgating. BUT...passing down my old street, even just driving down Nicholson, seeing the smoothie place, the pathways I used to take to get to class, the visions of us driving each other to work and to class in the morning...it all just made me once again notice how much time and energy and effort we both put into that relationship...and how much we shared...and how many amazing years we spent together while experiencing the greatest college in the world. I blubbered like a baby the whole way home, but it felt good. Actually, it felt GREAT because I got out all the angst, the guilt, the sadness...and as soon as I got back to Lafayette, I felt this incredible overwhelming comfort, like "This is my home. Feels good to be back to normal right now." And as soon as I said it to myself, I realized--WOW! Progress! A month ago, I was complaining that "I want things to be 'normal' again, to be back in the good old days at LSU with garth and friends..." And though that hasn't changed much, it feels good to realize that "normal" for me now may be exactly where I'm at.
And so, i continue to sift through boxes, finding dishes, books, papers, cd's, lots of things I probably don't need. And amidst it all are a whole lot of Garth items-lots of pictures, lots of cards, lots of smiles and tears. But this time I will put them into an album, because even though he may not care at all about those memories any more, they are still important to me, and they should be. So, as the cheesy saying goes, I will "not cry because it's over, but smile because it happened."
Or at least I promise to try...