Fic: Alone (2/2)
Chapter Five
"You were gone a long time," Elliot observed, glancing at his watch.
"We had something to discuss," Olivia said, but it was impossible to hide the glow in her chest that was radiating outward, and she knew Elliot could see it.
"I'll bet you did," El said with a grin. "It went well, then? Nice flowers, by the way."
"It-- went pretty well, yeah, I think," Liv said, and she couldn't contain herself, she had to share the information with someone, and Elliot was more than just her partner, he was her best friend. "I mean... she said she wanted to pull my pants down, and she told me to go back to work or you'd end up having to come carry me out of her office. So I think it went pretty well."
Elliot stared at her with that look that people give you when they have to stop chewing their food halfway through. She could see his wheels turning, and she loved him so much when he finally spoke as if she'd just said she bought a new jacket. "Good for you."
"She's taking me out tonight. What if she changes her mind?"
Elliot didn't look up from his paperwork as he replied, "she won't."
"How do you know?"
"Because if you weren't gay and I wasn't married, I'd be all over you, as would any person with half a brain in their head." He still didn't look up, jotting down some notes as he spoke. "I'm pretty sure Cabot qualifies."
Olivia resisted the urge to hug him. She got a goofy smile on her face and sank down into her desk chair. Six o'clock couldn't come fast enough.
--
Alex was actually a lot less nervous than she thought she'd be. While at first Olivia's presence in her personal life had been infuriating, then just irritating, now it was... comfortable. Even comforting, in a way. She had thought it would be so much harder to share herself with someone after Sophie...
She quickly got off of that train of thought. She would have to let Olivia know eventually, but tonight was not the night. Tonight she just wanted to *feel* again.
Taking a slow breath, she stood up straight and pushed open the doors to the precinct, stepping through them looking as cool and confident as ever. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it right. She wanted Olivia to know that she didn't make the decision lightly, that there was no fucking around and then changing her mind, that they both had something invested deep in this relationship from this point forward. And she thought that a good first step would be to go out of her way not to hide the fact that she was taking Olivia out tonight. She knew Olivia would be willing to be discrete for her benefit, her political ideals, but that's not what she wanted.
"Hey, beautiful," she said as she approached Liv's desk. "Are you ready to go? I made a reservation for Italian, I hope you're hungry for more than... dessert."
Olivia's jaw dropped slightly and she felt the blush crawling up her neck and spreading across her face. But also an undeniable sense of pride that Alex was making their date public knowledge. "I'm starving," she admitted once she was sure she had her voice under control.
Alex reveled in the blush on Olivia's cheeks, and when Olivia got to her feet, she picked up the detective's coat from the back of her chair and held it while Liv slipped her arms in. "I noticed you had some trouble with it the last time we went out together," she whispered into a blushing ear.
"For fuck's sake, you noticed that?" Olivia groaned softly, zipping her coat and grabbing her purse with a little scowl.
"It was half of the reason I didn't change my mind and go home instead," Alex admitted.
"What was the other half?" Liv asked, a little breathless at the admission.
Alex put an arm around Liv's back and started to lead her out of the precinct. "You smiled at me."
--
The restaurant was nice. Olivia felt underdressed in jeans. At least she was wearing a nice blouse. Alex didn't seem to mind, though... her date kept a hand on her back protectively (or possessively? she couldn't quite tell, but she loved it either way) as they were greeted and shown to a table.
"So," Alex asked as she began to peruse the menu. "What do you like?"
Olivia glanced through it as well, offering a shrug in response. "I'm easy."
Alex looked over her menu, lifting one eyebrow as she flicked a retort across the table, "no, you're not."
Olivia caught the look and laughed, folding her menu and setting it on the edge of the table. "Maybe not for you, but the menu disagrees. I like chicken."
Alex's eyes swirled with something Olivia couldn't quite name, and the blonde also folded her menu and set it down, on top of Olivia's, before she stood and changed seats, moving from across the table to the chair beside the detective.
Before Liv had time to ask just what her date thought she was doing, Alex's hand was between her legs, pressing the seam of her jeans into her crotch.
Liv jumped, sitting up stiffly in her chair, looking around to make sure no one was watching them. Not that they could see under the table, even if they were, but a cursory glance of the surrounding patrons indicated no eyes locked their way. "Alex, this is hardly a better place to do that than your office," she said quietly, fighting the urge to drop her head back and moan.
"I'm just evening the score with the menu," Alex said nonchalantly, keeping her hand firmly where it was. "When you try to tell the waiter what you'd like to eat... I plan to make it quite difficult."
"All because the menu thinks I'm easy?" Olivia asked, trying to close her legs and force Alex's hand away. Not that she didn't want it there...
Alex hooked a leg around Olivia's, pulling the detective's left knee towards her, effectively spreading those delicious thighs again, and her hand returned to its warm, moist treasure.
Alex won... just as the waiter walked over with a friendly smile. "How are you ladies this evening?" he asked, taking out his pencil and tablet to write their orders.
"Lovely, thank you," Alex said with a priceless grin. "I'll have the vegetable lasagna with a raspberry italian soda, please."
"Wonderful. And for you Madame?" He turned to Olivia, pen poised.
"I'll have the--hahh!" she gasped, laying her hands flat on the table, trying unsuccessfully to close her legs again. Alex was squeezing hard, putting pressure on her clit that threatened to make her moan right there in the restaurant. "The chicken--Jesus!" she hissed, curling her fingers into tight fists and looking anywhere but at the waiter. "Parmigiana, and a coke!"
The waiter looked slightly alarmed, but he made no comment, simply wrote down her order, gave them both a smile, told them his name, and went off to the kitchen.
As soon as he was gone, Alex took her hand away and sipped her water.
Once Olivia relaxed enough to think straight, she turned a cool stare toward Alex. "Two can play at that game, and you're wearing a skirt."
"Olivia, now that you're the focus of my romantic life, you're welcome to put your hand up my skirt any time, any place, as long and as hard as you want."
Olivia knocked over her water glass trying to reach for it without taking her eyes off of Alex. Her throat was suddenly dry and scratchy, and in the absence of having her own water to drink, as it was currently running over the edge of the table and forming a nice waterfall down to the floor, she took Alex's glass and drank.
Lifting an eyebrow at the theft of her drink, Alex signaled the waiter and politely requested another. He nodded and hurried over with a towel to clean up the spilled water, then brought Alex a fresh glass, along with their food and sodas.
Once the situation was calmed down, Olivia took Alex's hand and brought it to her lips, placing soft kisses across her knuckles. "Thank you for letting me be the focus of your romantic life," she said quietly, releasing the blonde's hand. "And I'll remember that invitation every time I see you in a skirt for the rest of my life."
"Good," Alex said with a nod, a genuine smile ghosting over her lips.
The rest of dinner went smoothly, without hands under the table and water glasses being knocked over. They left the restaurant after using the restroom, and Alex slid her arm around Olivia once more as they walked down the street toward the movie theater. When she was with the detective, she could almost forget everything else. It felt nice... but it also scared her. Was she betraying Sophie by having a good time with Olivia? She would like to think she wasn't, and her heart knew that Sophie would want her to move on, to be happy, but her head had always been the stronger part of her, and it had its doubts. Olivia chose the exact right moment to snuggle against her, though, and the detective's big brown eyes staring up into hers forced even her head to admit that Olivia made it okay to not be alone. She unconsciously pulled the detective closer as they reached the theater.
Olivia, for her part, was feeling like a princess. Alex was being so sweet and affectionate, holding her close and smiling at her... she really felt like this could go somewhere. And that was a good feeling. It had been a long time since she had gone out with anyone that had the potential to become long term. But Alex was everything she had ever wanted, and the arm encircling her back made her think that maybe the ADA thought she wasn't so bad either. "What should we see?" she asked, glancing at the digital display with movies and times scrolling across it.
"We can see whatever you want, it doesn't matter to me," Alex said quietly, prompting Olivia to look at her.
"Are you okay?" the detective asked, her brows furrowing in concern.
Alex suddenly pulled Olivia into a tight embrace, burying her face in the messy brunette locks. "I don't think I'll ever be okay, Liv... but I'm the most okay I've been in years," she whispered into Olivia's hair.
Olivia was surprised, and at a loss for a moment, then she put her arms around Alex and squeezed her comfortingly. "I don't know what to say to that," she confessed, stroking Alex's hair, "other than I want to spend every minute making you as close to okay as I can... As close to okay as you'll let me."
Embarrassed by her show of weakness out in the middle of the street, Alex kept her face buried in Olivia's hair for a minute longer, then took a deep breath and pulled back, overcompensating for her embarrassment by planting a long, wet kiss on Olivia's lips.
Olivia certainly didn't mind the kiss, and she returned it with a grin, sliding one hand down to squeeze Alex's ass through her skirt.
"We still haven't decided what we're seeing," Alex breathed once they finally pulled apart.
"I don't care," Olivia laughed. "Let's see a western."
"You just want to see girls on horseback," Alex drolled, grateful that Olivia had allowed the change of subject so easily.
"Are you trying to imply that I won't be seeing that later tonight in your bedroom, so I should get my fill now?" Liv asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I am absolutely not implying that in any way," Alex assured her quickly. "I would also like to take this opportunity to point out that there are no westerns showing at this theater. I thought you were reading the titles."
"I was, until someone kissed me senseless," Olivia defended herself, dragging her eyes back to the board.
Alex swatted her lightly on the butt and moved into the line.
The detective scowled playfully and joined her in line, finally deciding on a movie. "Let's just see Beowulf. That's always a good story, right?"
"You just want to see girls in chainmail bikinis," Alex teased, aware that she was probably about to get smacked.
"Alex! Alvin and the Chipmunks then, for God's sake!"
The ADA quickly moved forward in line, pulling out a credit card. "Two for Beowulf," she said, grinning over her shoulder at her date.
--
Olivia carried the popcorn and Alex carried the soda, and they found seats toward the back of the theater. The back row was full, much to Alex's dismay. She liked to sit in the back... less prying eyes. Not just because she wanted to devour Olivia, but in general she didn't like sitting anywhere she couldn't automatically know what was behind her. Oh well... She sat down and pushed the armrest up between her and Olivia's chairs, then set the soda in the cupholder to her left. There was no one in front of them so she put her feet up, crossed at the ankle.
Olivia slid into the chair beside Alex, watching her raise the armrest and put her feet on the chair in front of her. "Getting cozy?" she asked, an eyebrow lifting as she set the popcorn on the floor and turned sideways to look at her date. "Can you move your skirt up a little so I can see more skin?"
Alex's throat went dry and she had to purr her response. "How high do you want it?" Her fingers tucked under the hem of her skirt, inching it up slowly toward her waist.
The lights dimmed and the previews started, so Olivia had to lean close if she wanted Alex to hear her. She whispered in the ADA's ear, "how high will you lift it?"
The attorney's breath hitched, her eyes closing, blocking out the fact that they were in a crowded movie theater. At least the few seats on either side of them were unoccupied. "Considering that we're in a public place?" Alex began, her voice carefully controlled. "As high as you ask me to."
Olivia wasn't having any easier of a time breathing normally, and she pressed her lips once against Alex's earlobe, continuing to whisper in her ear. "And what if I asked you to lift it high enough for me to see your underwear?"
Alex bit her tongue lightly to stifle a groan. "I'd pull it up to my waist," she exhaled shakily.
Liv nibbled Alex's ear, acutely aware of the ache between her own thighs, pulsing almost painfully, begging to be satisfied. Neither woman was aware that the movie had started, however. "Show me," the detective hissed softly.
Alex's fingers clenched tightly around the hem of her skirt, her eyelids fluttering as she slid the fabric up along her thighs, slowly but not hesitantly revealing her white lace panties to Olivia's gaze. "Is this high enough, Detective?" she rumbled, her chest heaving with labored breaths.
"No," Olivia answered, running the tip of her tongue over her lips to wet them, that intense gaze focused between her date's legs. Those panties were delicious. And damp, she imagined, but it was too dark in the theater to tell. "Higher, please."
Alex thought she was going to pass out... Olivia was driving her crazy with pleasure, and she wasn't even touching her. She pulled her skirt up to her waist, settling the hem around her hips, inhaling sharply through her nose. "Is this okay?" she asked, knowing it was, but not wanting to skip her turn at dialogue. Her skirt couldn't go any higher.
"What if I want to touch you now?" Olivia growled, only hesitating because they were in a theater.
"I thought you wanted to wait," Alex reminded her, the expression on her face going from winded to mischievous in about one second flat as she quickly pulled her skirt back down.
"And I thought my hand was welcome up your skirt any time, any place, as long and hard as I want," Olivia shot back, debating whether to lean over and kiss Alex.
"Shhh!" a few people behind them complained - apparently Olivia had said said that a little louder than she realized.
Alex didn't care who was shushing them. "It is," she promised Olivia. "I'm just trying to respect your wishes, Detective."
Olivia leaned very close, nibbling Alex's earlobe for a few long minutes before quietly hissing, "bullshit."
Alex moaned softly, turning her head to capture Olivia's lips briefly before she confessed. "You're right. I'm just being a tease."
Liv licked the rim of her ear slowly, putting a hand on Alex's knee and sliding it up just to the hem of her skirt, then all of a sudden pulled away completely and folded her hands in her lap. "You're right. We should wait."
Alex felt the loss of contact, instantly regretting her teasing. "Liv, I need you inside me," she whispered, reaching over to take hold of Olivia's wrist.
Liv gently pulled her wrist away, scolding Alex as she did so. "Keep your hands to yourself and watch the movie, Counselor." Which was the last thing she wanted Alex to do, but... she wasn't going to let Alex get away with teasing her like that. Hell no.
A frustrated rush of air left the ADA as she looked at Olivia. "I'm sorry for being a tease. Please, Liv."
"SHHHHH!"
Finally Alex turned around. "Would you *stop* that? Just because you're not trying to get laid doesn't mean the rest of us can't!" she said irritably.
"It's Beowulf for fuck's sake!" the girl returned, her eyes wide.
Alex took a moment to think up a suitable response, then pointed at the screen. "And the water demon up there is sexy, isn't she?"
The girl's eyes got even wider. "Sick! It's animated!"
"Well it still looks like Angelina Jolie, doesn't it!" Alex hissed, shooting the girl a Cabot Glare before turning back around.
Olivia was biting her knuckle hard to keep from bursting out laughing. Never in her life would she have expected to hear Alexandra Cabot have that conversation with anyone.
Alex, for her part, was frustrated and aroused, and wanted Olivia's hand between her legs. She continued to try to get it, and Olivia continued to deny her for the remainder of the movie. However, the detective had not refrained from teasing her, stroking her thighs, and once even pinching her nipples! She was on edge, and hoped like hell that Olivia intended to come home with her now.
Olivia was quite worked up herself, and she couldn't wait to get Alex into a cab. She walked quickly, Alex close behind her, and hailed a cab. As soon as they were in, and Alex gave the driver her address, Olivia climbed over her lap, straddling her and pushing a hand up her skirt. "I'm through fucking around," she ground out between gritted teeth, rubbing the blonde through her panties.
"Good," Alex growled, bucking her hips into Olivia's hand, grabbing the detective around the waist, her fingernails digging in to that toned olive skin. "Fuck me, Liv. Because as soon as I get you back to my apartment, you're going face down on the bed."
Olivia's entire body shuddered, and she wasted no time shoving the crotch of Alex's panties aside and penetrating her with a fiery moan. Alex was soaked. Her fingers were immediately enveloped by hot, moist flesh, clamping down, and she could feel Alex's muscles twitching. Those fingernails in her sides were going to leave marks, and it was delicious. Fingering Alex Cabot in the back of a cab, when they were going to be at her apartment in five minutes, was desperate, frenzied and just fucking delicious.
Olivia's fingers were so good, stroking her higher and higher, and when the cab pulled to a stop, Alex forced herself not to cum. She could fuck Olivia a lot better if she didn't release first. She grabbed Liv's wrist and pulled it out from under her skirt, sucking the detective's fingers clean, then paid the cabbie and dragged her date into her building and into the elevator.
The short ride up to the penthouse floor was spent with Olivia pressed against the wall, with Alex doing nothing but staring straight into her swirling brown eyes.
The attorney was self-assured and confident when it came to most things, sex being one of them, but her hands still shook as she fitted her key in the front door lock and snapped it open. She wasn't shaking with nerves, she was shaking with the effort it took to keep her hands off of Olivia long enough to open the fucking door.
As soon as the door was locked behind them, Alex threw her purse and keys on the floor, backing Olivia down the hallway and into the bedroom, kissing her hard then sharply turning her around and shoving her face down on the bed, as promised. She yanked the detective's pants and panties down, ripping the pants in the process since she hadn't bothered to unbutton them first, and then she was on top of her date, a hand between Olivia's legs, three fingers buried in her to the hilt.
Olivia barely had time to breathe before Alex was tearing her pants off and pushing inside her, and she gasped, fisting the comforter and arching her back with a long, drawn-out groan. "God, Alex, yes, fuck, ohhhhhh, shit..."
Alex dropped her head and bit the back of Olivia's neck, withdrawing and thrusting her fingers in hard again. "I want to fuck you harder than you've ever been fucked before."
"You're there Alex!" Liv wheezed, sucking in a breath.
"I want you raw and aching for me..."
"Yeah," Olivia agreed, reduced to one-word answers by that point.
"Just... wait there," Alex instructed, climbing off of Liv and pulling her fingers out, rummaging through her nightstand drawer until she found what she wanted. Ten seconds later she was wearing a strap-on dildo. She hurriedly smeared lube over the head and down the shaft, then tossed the open bottle on the floor and returned to her position straddling the backs of Olivia's thighs. "I'm going here," she announced, pressing the tip of the dildo between Olivia's cheeks, testing the resistance for a split second before deciding Olivia could take it, and she thrust in rough and hard, dropping her hand back down to re-enter the detective's pussy with three fingers.
Olivia screamed, throwing her head back and arching her shoulders hard. She pushed up onto one arm, reaching behind her with the other and wrapping it around Alex's back, pulling the attorney harder against her even as the pain seared through her backside. It was indescribably amazing. She had never, ever been penetrated in the ass with more than a single gentle finger, and she already knew she'd be hating it tomorrow, but right now it felt better than anything that had ever been done to her in her life. "OH, my GOD, Alex, FUCK!" she did her best to articulate her pleasure.
"Shit, you're bleeding."
"It's okay, keep going..."
Alex pounded into her on both ends, hissing at the heat Olivia's fingers caused on her wounded back. She glanced down, gritting her teeth as she rocked her hips and her hand at the same time, reveling in Olivia's cries of pleasure.
Olivia gasped, tightening her hold around Alex's back, trying to keep her from withdrawing the dildo. She wanted it, needed it, craved the pain and ecstasy it was forcing into her ass. And those delicate fingers were working magic inside her pussy. It didn't take long before she came, hard, screaming her release, raking her fingernails over Alex's back. She vaguely heard Alex's scream as she tensed hard and released even harder, a shudder tearing through her that left her panting and trembling as she dropped back to the bed, her arms stretched out above her.
Alex had not known it was possible to feel so much physical pain as when Olivia clawed open some of the wounds on her back. She knew it wasn't on purpose, but she couldn't help the scream that forced its way out of her throat at the searing heat. It fucking *hurt*. Worse than the whipping that put the wounds there. And as she collapsed on top of Olivia, she realized with a sarcastic snort that they had both just made each other bleed... even if it was in different ways.
Olivia felt Alex's weight settle on top of her, and it somehow calmed the rapid pounding of her heart. The blonde's fingers slid out of her, but the dildo stayed buried where it was as Alex's arms came to rest on top of hers. When she finally got herself under control enough to speak, her voice was hoarse and raspy. "Did I hurt you?"
Alex laughed, nuzzling Olivia's cheek with her nose and dropping a quick kiss there. "Yes, but I think I returned the favor," she said in a low, husky voice. She was very slow and careful about raising her hips, and she unbuckled the harness, tossing the dildo onto the floor and rubbing Olivia's ass cheeks tenderly. She knew it wouldn't help the soreness inside, but it was the gesture that counted. She slipped off of the bed and into the bathroom, returning several minutes later with a warm, damp washcloth. She sat beside the almost sleeping detective and gently cleaned away the traces of blood from between her cheeks. Olivia's content purr made her heart wrench, and she tossed the cloth off the bed to join the dildo on the floor.
The gentle way Alex was handling her melted Olivia's heart and made her fall in love with the ADA even more. After a few minutes of silence she rolled onto her back to find Alex sitting beside her just staring at her, and that made her smile. "I love you," she murmured, staring back up at her lover.
"I can't say it, Liv, but--"
"I know," Olivia interrupted her, lifting a finger to Alex's lips. "It's okay."
Hearing that made Alex want to say she loved Olivia, but how could she say it when she didn't even know if it was true? She thought it was, but she wasn't going to say those words unless she was damn fucking sure. How could she love anyone other than Sophie?
Olivia watched the play of emotions across Alex's face, first affection, then confusion, then a dark shadow that hollowed her eyes. She didn't want to see those bright blue eyes lose their sparkle... she wanted to see them soften and shine. "Alex, where'd you go?" she asked quietly.
"Into my head," Alex confessed, snapping back to the present and laying down beside Olivia, draping an arm and a leg over the detective's body and resting her head in the crook of Liv's shoulder. "Don't you think you deserve someone who can give you everything?" she asked after a minute.
Olivia kissed the top of Alex's head and gave her a loving squeeze. "Everything is a relative term," she whispered. "Your everything might be different than someone else's, but I know that's exactly what you're giving me, Alex. Your everything. And even if that's just a tiny piece of yourself right now, I'd rather have that than anything else from anyone else."
Alex smiled and allowed herself to relax, to be in the moment, there with Olivia, and nowhere else.
Chapter Six
Olivia woke up in the middle of the night with a throbbing ache below her waist. Not only did she have to go pee, but she felt raw and stretched and incredibly sore. "Agh, fuck," she groaned as quietly as she could when she tried to get out of bed. It was painful to walk... Alex had actually fucked her until she could barely walk. Wow.
She shuffled toward the bathroom, grimacing the entire way, and as soon as she was inside she leaned on the counter for support. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and grinned - she looked *good*. She was glowing...
Alex rolled over, her unconscious recognizing the empty space that wasn't there before, and she woke up, glancing around the moonlit room. "Olivia?" she asked sleepily, just as Olivia came out of the bathroom.
"Did I wake you up?" Liv asked, limping back to bed and climbing under the covers.
Alex got under the covers as well, shaking her head as she curled up on her side and closed her eyes again. "Just thought you left," she mumbled, already on her way back to sleep.
"Alex," Olivia said softly, slipping an arm beneath Alex's neck and pulling her close, draping her other arm over the ADA so she could hold her.
"Hm?" Alex burrowed against Olivia when she was pulled into the detective's arms.
"Please don't throw me out in the morning," Liv breathed, inhaling the sweet scent of Alex's shampoo.
This time Alex knew she wouldn't, even in her half-asleep state. "Won't," she promised, her eyelids fluttering as she tried to stay awake long enough to finish the conversation... but she was too comfortable, she felt too safe, and she fell back asleep almost as soon as the word left her lips.
--
Alex woke well before she needed to get up for work. She opened her eyes to realize she was staring straight at Olivia's blouse. "Mmm," she murmured, her lips seeking out a nipple through the fabric and sucking gently.
Olivia slowly woke up to the sensation of Alex suckling on her breast. What a way to wake up. She purred, lifting a hand to the back of Alex's head, stroking her hair and urging her to stay there at the same time. Her eyes slid open, and she couldn't help a chuckle. "You slept in your suit." And then, "hey. That's... I have never been the only one naked the next morning."
Alex nuzzled Liv's chest with her nose before pulling back to grin at her. "You're not naked. You're wearing a blouse."
"And you're wearing far too much. How long do we have? What time is it?"
"It's a little after five, but just because we have time doesn't mean I'm going to make it easy to get me out of my suit."
"You're not going to shower before work?" Olivia asked, smirking at the ADA.
"...bitch," Alex said wryly, sitting up and starting to strip off her clothes. "That absolutely does not count as you getting me out of my suit."
"You're out of it," Olivia observed, "and it's because of something I said. It counts."
"Oh no," Alex argued, shaking her head. "I'm out of it because I do in fact need a shower before work. Regardless of whether you were the one to bring it to the forefront of my mind."
Olivia reached up to hold her head in her hands. "You said 'forefront' before six o'clock in the morning," she groaned.
Alex gave a delighted little laugh, which brought her awareness to the fact that she was really comfortable and happy waking up with Olivia in her bed. Which of course once she realized, was hard to swallow, so she shoved it down to deal with later. For the moment, she just growled and climbed over Olivia, sitting on her thighs and reaching up to unbutton her blouse. "I want to see your breasts."
Liv lowered her hands and raised an eyebrow. "Well just help yourself, I guess."
"I will, thank you," Alex replied, making quick work of the buttons and peeling Olivia's blouse off. The bra came next, and Olivia helpfully arched her back so Alex could easily reach beneath her to unhook the garment. That came off too, and they were both completely naked.
"Well? Are they worth all that effort?" Olivia asked, that quirky half-grin on her lips as she watched Alex appraise her breasts.
Alex dropped her head and wrapped her lips softly around one nipple, sucking it into her mouth like an expensive piece of chocolate that would melt if she touched too hard.
"Oh," Olivia said, her grin fading at the exquisite touch. She couldn't even describe how gentle Alex's lips were on her breast, but she knew she had never felt anything quite like it before. Almost as if Alex were afraid to break her. She surrendered completely to the sensation, closing her eyes with a quiet little moan.
Alex took her time, tasting both of Olivia's breasts, licking her nipples to straining erections before she finally dragged herself away with a languid stretch and got to her feet. "Joining me in the shower, Detective?"
Olivia groaned, rolling over to look at the clock. Five twenty-five. "We spent twenty minutes arguing and taking our clothes off?"
"Are you joining me or not?" Alex asked, standing there naked, looking expectantly at Olivia.
Olivia didn't want to get up. She didn't want Alex to see how difficult it was to walk, or she'd never hear the end of it. But if she didn't take a shower with the ADA, then she wouldn't have time to take one, and she *really* needed to take one. "Fuck," she cursed, unaware that she'd said it aloud.
"Is the prospect of showering with me that unpleasant?" the blonde asked in surprise, though she knew that wasn't what Olivia was cursing about.
"You know it's not," Olivia snapped playfully, then groaned again and threw an arm over her face. "I can barely walk, Alex."
Alex just stared at her, probably for a good full minute, before she cackled evilly, clearly amused. "You can barely walk?" she repeated, just for posterity.
"Yeah, thanks to you and your incredible skills," Liv growled.
"That is SO... amAZingly... HOT," Alex purred, walking around the bed and sliding her arms beneath Olivia, lifting the detective easily.
Liv yelped, not having expected that, and even though Alex seemed to have her securely, she was afraid the blonde was going to drop her. She wasn't exactly used to being carried.
"I don't imagine sitting is going to be any more comfortable than walking, so it looks like you're going to be showering on your knees," Alex whispered into her lover's ear.
"You don't sound very sorry about that," Olivia said, laying her head against Alex's arm.
"Why would I be sorry about that?" Alex asked, grinning wickedly. She carefully set Olivia on her knees in the shower, then slid the door shut and turned on the water.
"Because I'm not going to be able to chase down perps for at least a few days, and that makes your job a hell of a lot harder," Liv pointed out, leaning to the side to avoid the spray of water while Alex adjusted the temperature.
"Okay it's good," Alex said after a few more seconds, and she moved in front of Olivia to take a washcloth from the shower caddy.
Olivia gasped as she glanced up, seeing the dried blood caked to Alex's lower back. She hadn't realized how badly she'd clawed open some of the lashes. "Alex, I'm sorry," she breathed, reaching a hand out to rest on Alex's backside, just underneath the lowest wound. She felt Alex stiffen at her touch, and pulled her hand away.
"It's not your fault, it's mine," Alex dismissed the apology. "And it's fine."
Liv leaned against the shower wall with a sigh. "Alex... why do you do this to yourself?"
"Have I given you any indication that I want to discuss that?" Alex snapped harshly without turning around. She lathered her washcloth with soap and started scrubbing her arms a little harder than was necessary.
Olivia struggled to her feet despite the throbbing ache it caused. "Why do you do it?" she asked again, putting a hand on Alex's to stop her vigorous cleansing.
"In case I wasn't perfectly clear a moment ago, let me spell it out for you, Olivia. I. Do. Not. Wish. To. Discuss. That."
Olivia grabbed the washcloth and tore it out of Alex's hands. "Why?" she asked again, her voice a little higher this time, both in volume and in pitch.
Alex's eyes burned with a thousand emotions as she stared at Olivia. "Get out."
"No."
The ADA blinked in shock. "What?"
"You heard me. I'm not leaving."
"You don't have a choice," Alex said haughtily, covering up the fact that she was wholly unnerved by Olivia's refusal to leave, or to give up on the one subject she did not want to talk about. "Get out."
"I said no!" Olivia yelled, her own eyes wide with a swirling mixture of anger and concern. "I am not going to let you push me away, Alex, not this time! Why do you do it?!"
Alex could feel the bile start to rise in her chest, along with a frenzied panic that she couldn't control. The walls were closing in on her and making it hard to breathe. "Don't do this to me," she begged, her words barely audible over the pounding of the water on both of their bodies and the tiled walls of the shower.
Olivia watched as Alex slid down to sit in the corner of the shower, her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms folded over her stomach, clutching tightly. She was afraid the ADA was going to throw up. The transformation was so sudden, she hadn't expected it... Alex looked like a lost little girl. She had to know what happened, because it was eating away at the woman she loved. She knelt down in front of her lover, resting her hands on Alex's knees. "Tell me, Alex. Please, tell me."
Alex felt trapped. She wanted to tell Olivia, but there were so many reasons she was afraid to. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but one of the things she was afraid of was that Olivia would agree that she was to blame for Sophie's death. When she was the only one who blamed herself, there was a possibility that she could be wrong, that maybe it wasn't her fault after all... but if Olivia agreed, she didn't know if she could take it.
"Alex, I'm not going anywhere," Olivia whispered, giving her a reassuring squeeze with both hands. "I love you... you're stuck with me. This secret you have is eating you alive... please, let me in. Why do you hurt yourself?"
"Because I deserve it." The answer finally came, the ADA's voice flat and even, with no affect or emotion.
"Why do you think you deserve it?" Olivia asked gently.
Alex shuddered, the old memories flooding her all at once. Coming home... finding Sophie's body... throwing up until she choked... their apartment suddenly a crime scene. "The woman I loved more than life itself was tortured and killed because of me," she forced herself to confess her deepest, darkest fear to Olivia. Her deepest, darkest fear that had been her reality for the past two years.
Olivia kept her face neutral even though the statement made her heart ache for Alex. She squeezed her lover's knees again and waited for her to continue, but it was quickly apparent that Alex either didn't want to continue or didn't know how. Slipping into detective mode, Liv went over the possible questions she could ask - how was it your fault, what happened, who did it, etc. etc. but none of them were right for this intimate moment. "What was her name?" she asked softly instead.
"What?" Alex asked, lifting her eyes to Olivia's, surprised by the question.
"What was her name?" Liv repeated just as softly.
Alex stared at her for a few long moments, while the fact that Olivia was amazing renewed itself in her head, and her heart. "Sophie," she whispered.
"That's a beautiful name," Liv said with a gentle smile. "What was she like?"
A ghost of a smile crossed Alex's face as she leaned her head back against the tiled wall of the shower. "She was amazing." The smile returned as she pulled pleasant memories from the back of her mind. "Independent, like me... but much less selfish than I am. She was always helping someone that needed it. I'd be on the phone bitching about a court time and she'd be on her computer donating money to charity... but she still loved me. Go figure. I don't know what she saw in me, but there was something, and I fell so hard for her gentle beauty, I didn't know what hit me, Liv." This was okay to talk about. She hadn't had many opportunities to tell anyone about who Sophie was, to talk about the good times they'd shared. Olivia brought that out so easily.
"How long were you together?" The detective reached out to smooth Alex's hair back away from her face and tuck it behind her ear.
"Five years," Alex answered, staring at her hands and then back up at Olivia. "And she didn't let a single day go by without making sure I knew how she felt about me. Sometimes she'd send flowers to me at work, or cook a special dinner for no reason other than to make me smile... she wrote poetry for me and about me, she took care of me when a case was hard on me... she was my salvation, Liv. I can only hope I was hers as well."
"I'm sure you were," Olivia said quietly. "You're mine."
Alex's eyes widened, then filled with tears. Olivia could not possibly have said anything more wonderful at that moment. "You're becoming mine, too, Olivia."
"Thank you for telling me, Alex..."
"Thank you for not letting me push you away."
"Never," Liv said with a small smile. "Like I said, you're stuck with me."
And Alex was glad she was.