Review of half of "Fifty Shades of Grey"
I'm attending a slash event (not a convention, it's not really big enough for that) at the end of the month, and in preparation for it I'm reading Fifty Shades of Grey.
What a crap book that is. It's one of those books which only works because everyone in it is a fool. I hate the protagonist, I can't call her a heroine, and she entirely deserves everything that's coming to her.
Having said that, I hate the hero, if indeed he can be called a hero, even more. He's a nasty, manipulative, piece of work and I don't care how often the protagonist's stunt uterus jumps around at the sight of his trouser parts. (Not my own, adapted from another reviewer, who described the hero as having a 'stunt dick'.)
One thing that's particularly annoying me is the protagonist's constant references to her 'inner goddess'. Apparently, a woman's 'inner goddess' shows herself when she's in the presence of a man. I get the strong feeling that a woman sexual partner wouldn't call forth the inner goddess in the same way. And as for asexual people, the less said the better; clearly we don't have inner goddesses. Though given the sorts of things this woman's inner goddess does, perhaps that's a good thing.
Despite this, the protagonist tells the hero that she doesn't masturbate. I mean, what? Her inner goddess is all there for the man, she comes easily and quickly, twice per session with the stunt dick, but she doesn't masturbate. This means she never gets any practise in. How does that work, then? I'm sure people are going to tell me that it's possible, but my experience, frankly, is that it's not.
The other thing that annoys me is that it's all about beautiful rich people. The protagonist is supposed to be this dorky clumsy woman, but the clear intent of the writer is that she's beautiful but unaware of it. He, of course, is a marvellous figure of a man. Or so we're told.
However, even given that he's beautiful and rich, the hero clearly has some sort of man pain. So he's a multi-millionaire helicopter pilot, fantastically handsome with a stunt dick all other men would fall down in worship (not to mention the women) but he's got this man pain which makes him even more attractive. Excuse me while I throw up in a bucket. He's the ultimate Marty-Stu and I don't have the words for how much I hate him.
So, I'm reading a book where I dislike the protagonist and the hero, and I keep looking to see how many more pages of this bilge I've got to read through before I reach the end. The things I do for fandom.
And that's before I get to the factual errors.
This entry was originally posted at http://lexin.dreamwidth.org/545077.html. You can comment here or there, it's up to you.
What a crap book that is. It's one of those books which only works because everyone in it is a fool. I hate the protagonist, I can't call her a heroine, and she entirely deserves everything that's coming to her.
Having said that, I hate the hero, if indeed he can be called a hero, even more. He's a nasty, manipulative, piece of work and I don't care how often the protagonist's stunt uterus jumps around at the sight of his trouser parts. (Not my own, adapted from another reviewer, who described the hero as having a 'stunt dick'.)
One thing that's particularly annoying me is the protagonist's constant references to her 'inner goddess'. Apparently, a woman's 'inner goddess' shows herself when she's in the presence of a man. I get the strong feeling that a woman sexual partner wouldn't call forth the inner goddess in the same way. And as for asexual people, the less said the better; clearly we don't have inner goddesses. Though given the sorts of things this woman's inner goddess does, perhaps that's a good thing.
Despite this, the protagonist tells the hero that she doesn't masturbate. I mean, what? Her inner goddess is all there for the man, she comes easily and quickly, twice per session with the stunt dick, but she doesn't masturbate. This means she never gets any practise in. How does that work, then? I'm sure people are going to tell me that it's possible, but my experience, frankly, is that it's not.
The other thing that annoys me is that it's all about beautiful rich people. The protagonist is supposed to be this dorky clumsy woman, but the clear intent of the writer is that she's beautiful but unaware of it. He, of course, is a marvellous figure of a man. Or so we're told.
However, even given that he's beautiful and rich, the hero clearly has some sort of man pain. So he's a multi-millionaire helicopter pilot, fantastically handsome with a stunt dick all other men would fall down in worship (not to mention the women) but he's got this man pain which makes him even more attractive. Excuse me while I throw up in a bucket. He's the ultimate Marty-Stu and I don't have the words for how much I hate him.
So, I'm reading a book where I dislike the protagonist and the hero, and I keep looking to see how many more pages of this bilge I've got to read through before I reach the end. The things I do for fandom.
And that's before I get to the factual errors.
This entry was originally posted at http://lexin.dreamwidth.org/545077.html. You can comment here or there, it's up to you.