This is Optional

[lexibaby13]

Everything is kinda optional. we dont have to go to school. they want us to but we dont have to. we dont have to get jobs. you could be a bum and not ever work. you could choose to not do anything and be a loser. I want to be a loser. I want to never have to look at another person ever again. Well i dont know. Ill get over this and i was thinking this morning. Why do i let people get to me the way i do. How come i have to care about people who dont care about me? My mom said i could try out for SOA (School Of the Arts) Next year and if i got in i could go if i wanted. I want to. Ill miss my cassy and a select few other people from wando, but hey i doubt i will get into the school anyway. Though 13-16 said he would miss me. SCORE!!! I talked to him on the phone last night. AHHHH sweet! It was great. I might be going over to his house on saturday.... his dads house is right next door to my sisters house. SCORE! Yeah Id Do him...... IM NOT A SLUT... it just means i think hes REALLY HOTT! And 13-16 is deffentaly one hot guy. Yes yes he is. im bored i was just drawing with pastels and my hands are all blue and black and redish. Clams me down..... weird. im soo strange. I need to write something i havent written anything in a long time and everything is beginning to grow. My mom asked me last night what was wrong 30 million times. Then we went to Staples and she was like looking at me. she was like your eyes are glassy. why are your eyes glassy? i was like i dont know. then shes like they are red too. I was like i dont know why. she was like you havent been doing drugs i was like mom i have been at home all day. shes like no you wherent. i was like i was at school mom. shes like isnt that where everyone does it. i was like no. SOME ONE PLEASE TELL ME IF I WAS SMOKING WEED WHY WOULD I DO IT AT SCHOOL AND SECOND WHY WOULD I BE OUT WITH MY MOM??? I DONT KNOW EITHER! Ok well she was like promise me you wont fall into that type crowd alexis. I promised her....... yeah i dont know what to say now. im like wanting to talk to 13-16 but i told him i would call him later and hes probably at his friends house anyways.. wow i cant like this guy. I said hey to michael today. i kinda miss him in a way but then again i dont so i dont know what to think anymore. EMOTIONS SUCK. BEING A TEENAGER SUCKS. ok im out.

awake but asleep,
Your Little Defect