uni assignment -yep how creative a title eh!
Author, pomkeygeekange
story which still needs a name
Warnings: It is set in retail! a possibly insulting nickname blink and you miss it two male characters as a couple, not so blink and you miss it two females as a would be couple but nothing explicit.
word count 4050 (50 words too long for the damn assignment so 50 need to go.)
Disclaimer, this ( Read more... )
story which still needs a name
Warnings: It is set in retail! a possibly insulting nickname blink and you miss it two male characters as a couple, not so blink and you miss it two females as a would be couple but nothing explicit.
word count 4050 (50 words too long for the damn assignment so 50 need to go.)
Disclaimer, this ( Read more... )
a) The thing is I hated the situation. Maybe this should be a bit longer, along the lines of "You see, my problem is that I hated the situation." or, it could be the other way around, just "see, I hated the situation." Whichever sounds better to you? I mean, it's only a suggestion.
Christopher asked, taking a seat. I was thinking this might sound better if you replace "taking a seat" by "as he sat down"?
She stated. Actually she shouted. could become "she stated, or rather, shouted."
b) the one big remark I have is... layout. I don't know what happened but there's no structure anymore, that made it very hard to read through. I'm sure that's all due to copy/paste in LJ, so I'm not really blaming you, the actual text is probably nicely divided into paragraphs.
Keep up the good work, and good luck with the (rest of the) assignment! *hugs and sends good vibes*
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