[Fateverse Side Story: NC Bundle] Scherzo
The Ringmaster: Chapter 6 of 13
The lively scherzo lends energy to a symphony's third movement.
Warnings: Crossovers, fateverse, sci-fi, experimentation on prisoners, brief swearing.
Disclaimer: Recognizeable characters belong to DC/Marvel.
Timeline: A few days after Trio.
It is edifying, but not completely necessary, to have read the Dark Nights: Metal event.
Visit The Fateverse Glossary for important terms, concepts, and people.
Notes: See postscript; linked footnotes may open in a new tab.
Scherzo
Bruce decided quite some time ago that he was too old to be intimidated.
Programmer Four, one of the oldest members of the Network, is a Theorist and Proctor in her own right, however, and reminds him of Diana in a way that is…not daunting, but certainly uncomfortable. She is custodian of the data isolation libraries, the deepest and most physically secure parts of the Core Tower, which serve as the Core’s short-term memory. She performs the digital equivalent of medical care to every computerized mind in the Network, from the most basic sentient Node to the most sophisticated comp-int (of which the Savant was once the very greatest). She does not have a reputation for being a ‘people person’; as Chairwoman Hogan pointed out, the Savant most often refers to her as ‘the Demon Bitch of the Lower Libraries.’
This is her kingdom, and they are visiting her throne room.
So Bruce is feeling…anticipatory.
When Senior Engineer 202 scans them into the library where she is working for the day, she doesn’t even look away from her work. “Go away, Six,” she says absently.
“That’s no way to speak to your favorite patient, Doc,” the Savant retorts.
She gets up immediately. “Wade! I wasn’t expecting-I’m not officially your primary care while you’re in that meatsack, but is there something you needed?”
“Official business. Check your messages.”
With a frown, she prods her portable. “Senior Theorist 042 priority order. Relinquish one data isolation plate. Partial access granted to restricted project, detailed instructions to be relayed in person.”
“We need a plate. We’re going to take it to a data-isolated, access restricted lab, load something on it, and bring it back for you to examine.”
She scowls. “You can’t just take one of my plates! They must be in my custody at all times, to prevent contamination. Do you know how badly a single piece of malware could-”
“It’ll be in my custody at all times,” says the Savant. “Its contents will be the ultimate malware, and a matter of critical security. Doesn’t matter what it’s been used for before, but it can never be used for anything else again. The data we’ll be putting on it can never come into contact with the Network’s data, even residually. If I have any cause to suspect it’s been compromised, it’ll be purged and placed under visual observation for thirty days. If it shows any signs of data activity during that time, I will destroy the plate.”
“What the hell! You can’t-”
“What part of the word ‘critical’ is escaping you?” the Savant asks sharply. “The project as a whole grants us an unprecedented level of insight and control over multiple areas crucial to streamwide stability. This particular part will let us know if and when the project needs to be scrapped, which would necessitate multiple erasures to avert red stability.”
Bruce wishes Wade would be a little less aggressive. If they force the issue, she could decide to scuttle everything out of spite. She’s a Department Head, after all, and they can raise objections directly to the Sysadmin without having to provide reasoning.
“I hope you know what the fuck you’re doing, Wade,” Hope hisses.
“Revolutions are bloody. We’re treading all-new ground-if this works the way Batboy here thinks it will, we’ve got a new Smart Node that’ll clear a huge blind spot for us.”
“We would’ve seen that kind of resonant echo.”
“Not this kind. Give me the plate or I’ll get a SAPO and take it.”
After a moment, she stalks over to the wall. “Purge slot zero. Unlock plate to full-write, lock slot.”
The Savant takes the data plate. “Wait here-you’ll need the iso console.”
Back at auxiliary cartography, the plate gets connected to Bruce’s work station with a cable, and the Savant shoulders him aside to fiddle with the data. Gradually, a cascade of brilliant colored light fills the plate, fireworks and aurora ribbons and shivering rainbows.
“It’s beautiful,” Bruce says quietly, fascinated.
“It’s your creepy boyfriend,” Wade replies, unplugging the cable.
“That’s the aggregate mind?”
“A snapshot of him, anyway. The actual, real-time thing is still anchored to their brains. We’d have to take one with us to let her examine the real thing, or else bring her here; but then again, if he turns out to hate her guts, at least this way he won’t remember meeting her.”
“Can I hold the plate?”
Sighing through his nose, the Savant nevertheless hands over the plate (it’s much heavier than it looks, and Bruce cradles it carefully in the crook of his elbow). “Shouldn’t get so attached,” he warns. “I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I might have to kill him. We can’t let him into the Network, no matter how harmless he seems. He can never escape-you get that, right?”
Bruce nods. “I do. I absolutely do. His madness is like a virus, tainting almost everything he does and says, everyone he meets. His very existence is somewhat poisonous.” He watches the dancing patterns for a moment. Pressing his free hand against it is somehow thrilling, in a way that reminds him of kissing Selina for the first time. “But he’s also incredibly useful. And like this, he’s beautiful. Aposematic[ 1], one might suppose…”
“God save us all from Batjokes shippers,[ 2]” grumbles the Savant. “Come on, let’s get him to his new shrink.”
Hope is scowling when they get back to her library, but she lets them in (Senior Engineer 202 has apparently gone back to work).
“Everything you are about to do and observe is strictly classified,” the Savant says, gesturing for Bruce to insert the data plate into the large slot on Hope’s work station. “Your capacity here is as a Proctor, and your assignment is to evaluate the general mental state of the patient. We don’t need an ethical profile at the moment, but we may later, depending on how this session goes.”
She sits and presses something, and they can hear someone humming over the room’s speakers.
Bruce can’t help but grin. This is the fruition of twenty years of hard work. It is dangerous, yes, but it is alive, and it is amazing.
~Oh, that’s nifty,~ it says. ~Hello?~
“Good morning,” Bruce says.
~Is it morning?~
“Oh-nine-thirty-eight.”
~Well, then! Good morning, darling.~
He has butterflies in his stomach, and his tongue is tingling. His cheeks are already sore from smiling. Did Selina ever make him this happy? Or Alfred and the boys? “We don’t often have full conversations; how are you?”
~Can’t complain, I think… No physical discomforts? But I’m getting the sense that I’m not quite corporeal, so that’s a no-brainer. Or an all-brainer, really.~
“That’s correct,” Hope interjects. “I’m Head Programmer 004-I perform your equivalent of medical care. Just for my records, what do you prefer to be called?”
~There’s so many choices bumping around in my not-noggin, Doc.[ 3] I suppose you can’t go wrong with the old standby… Call me Joker. Sometimes, when I’m feeling proper, I make a fuss out of the definite article, but we’re all friends here, right? My Batsy wouldn’t sound so happy otherwise.~
“I’ll put it in parentheses, then,” she says. “The Joker. What’s the earliest thing you remember?”
~Huh. That’s a chestnut, and no mistake. Things are…sort of jumbled-up, Doc. Some things feel earlier, but some things I was much younger for…~
“That’s all right. Pick a fairly early one.”
Joker makes thoughtful noises for a few seconds. ~Hmm. Christmas. I wanted ol’ Bats to pay attention to me, so naturally I took hostages.[ 4] Mr. Mustache, and Chubby Grumpster, and Miss Strawberry Blond. Jimmy…and Bully…and…Spring? Autumn?~
“Summer,” Bruce supplies. “Summer Gleeson.”
~Hmmmmmmmyes,~ Joker grumbles, clearly jealous that Bruce remembers the reporter.
“Jim considered that the most embarrassing day of his life.”
~For a guy who had secret rooftop conversations with someone dressed like a giant bat, that’s saying something, heeheeee…~
“All right, Joker,” says Hope. “How old were you in the memories where you were at your youngest? Anything from childhood?”
~Hmmno. Nope. Nothing before my glorious rebirth. Sometimes I’m sure I’m quite young…twenties, maybe…sometimes I know I’m mid-forties. So many…they kind of blur together a bit. Falling…jumping…being pushed… Anger and fear…I…I’d like to talk about something else, Doc.~
“That’s fine. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. How old is Batman in those early memories? The same age? Younger? Older?”
~Younger,~ is the prompt response. To be expected-they’ve never yet found a Joker subject who was younger than his Batman, no matter what their relative ages appeared to be.
At her questiong glance, Bruce nods.
“Good, good. What were you doing right before you noticed you were here with us?”
~I was…well, it’s hard to explain. I sort of drift along, and there’s a…sort of music just on the edge of perception, and it’s like the notes turn into numbers in my mind. It’s almost like translating…or transcribing.~
“Were you aware of anyone or anything else?”
~Mm. My lovely was talking to someone. Before that…someone told a real ripper about an alpaca and a suitcase. Who is that nice fellow who tells me all the jokes, dear?~
“Nurse Lawton,” Bruce supplies. “I think he was on friendly terms with a Joker at some point.”
~And why were you so very happy to hear me earlier? Not that I’m at all unappreciative, sweetheart, but you generally aren’t particularly pleased to see me. Us? Hmm.~
“You’re special,” Bruce admits, and his heart races for a moment. “You’re my masterpiece. Before I discovered you, I was languishing in pseudo-retirement, desperately searching for relevance. You and that music only you can hear make me-my thoughts, my work-have purpose again.”
Joker gives a little coo and a giggle, and Bruce can just picture him, wiggling and preening and smug.
“Get a room, jeez,” huffs the Savant.
~Oooh, who’s that?~
“I’m the guy who’s gonna make your boyfriend real sad if you misbehave. And there’s a whole host of other folks who’ll make him real jobless and humiliated. Not a pretty prospect for a ninety-something scientist already on the verge of being a laughingstock over his kooky ideas.”
The room’s speakers give a loud burst of static and garbled vocal sounds.
“Joker?” Hope asks. “Are you all right?”
~Sorry. Heh. Lost my cool for a moment. I shall, of course, be on my very best behavior, if darling Batsy’s credibility is on the line.~
“Thank you,” Bruce says, and means it deeply.
~Aw, anything for you, dearest. Why, just the other day-~
“Purge plate,” Hope says, and Bruce startles badly.
The Savant grasps his shoulder with bruising force. “Just a snapshot,” he reminds Bruce. “The real thing’s back in your lab, floating around in fifty-one brains.”
“You need to stop pissing everyone off, Wade,” Hope admonishes. “Be more sympathetic next time. Aggro markers went through the roof right before that burst of noise that I’m pretty sure would have been an act of violence if he’d had a body. Preliminary profile is stable and docile, with a heavy, very territorial fixation on Batman in general and Dr. Wayne in particular. It’s possible that the docility is related to Dr. Wayne’s positive reinforcement. Dr. Wayne, you will provide me a generalized full ethical profile of your little experiment for me to compare with my own findings. When you’ve finished it, bring me a new snapshot.”
“Yes, of course,” Bruce promises. “I’ll need to brush up on the terms, but I’ll have it for you in a few days.”
When they get back to the lab, Bruce sits at his station and takes a long breath.
“The plate stays with me,” says the Savant. “Be a good boy, leave out some milk and cookies, and I’ll see if Santa can find you some way to have actual conversations with the real thing.”
“Shouldn’t I be ‘avoiding getting attached’?”
“I saw your stupid face in there, Batboy. You’ll work better, you’ll keep him stable. And if I ever suspect you wouldn’t be able to kill every one of these clowns should the need arise, I’ll burn the lab myself.”
Bruce considers that. It makes sense. “And if the need does arise, and I do my duty?”
“I’ll get you fifty new clowns to start fresh.”
“It wouldn’t be the same.”
“Wouldn’t it? Then I guess you better take good care of your little pet.”
When Wade has left, Bruce goes to one of his subjects and crouches. “I got to have a full conversation with you, today,” he says, taking a slender hand between his. “I’m sorry that you won’t remember it, but it was…nice. You were very charming. I don’t know if you heard, but the Savant is going to try to make it so that we can always talk like that.”
Pale fingers twitch, and the nearest subjects make a pleased sort of humming sound.
.End.
Notes:
1 Aposematism is the characteristic of a poisonous, toxic, or venomous life-form possessing vivid warning coloration. Poison dart frogs and coral snakes are two well-known examples of aposematic coloration. The Joker has, historically, been very attached to bright colors.
2 God can't save you from us, Wade.
3 The Joker has many aliases, and has told many versions of his origin story. In the Arkham games, he famously said that he prefers to treat his past in a 'multiple choice' manner.
4 This actually happened in one of Joker's earliest episodes of Batman: the Animated Series (Christmas With the Joker, produced as episode 2 but aired as episode 38; his broadcast debut was in Joker's Favor, produced as episode 22 and aired as episode 7)-he held Commissioner Gordon, Detective Bullock, and Diet Vicki Vale Summer Gleeson hostage. The episode established Hamill's Joker as an intriguing blend of sinister and silly.
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