two words and a couple more

[leuschner]

girlfriend        :(
if I can fall in and out of love within one lunar cycle, it kind of throws the whole "follow your heart" thing into question. indeed, i can't remember the last time that this hasn't backfired. it has been years since i was able to kiss anything without collateral damage. if i did the right thing, then why do i feel like a

Comments

[leuschner]

i feel tricked. i was blindsided by over-earnest love, i was the cockeyed starved cat and she was a dumptruck of delicious reeking fish! christ, the drama. i smelled trouble because she is one of those people who is too good for this world, brightly sincere and driven by a sense of obligation to the world, to make it a better place. naive. wounded. afraid of bars and loud food. she's not Leuschner compliant by any stretch and i could only hope to grow and sustain her horror with questionable antics or ironic airs. i thought it would balance me but i came to my senses, too late to avert catastrophe. if only she were a little more careless with life i might feel more comfortable, i might have trusted her with my heart. and that's where the break occurred, she trusted me too much. what an aweful thing to say. but she didn't trust me and collected promises for me to break. not promises so much as reassurances. why did i keep telling her it was all going to be ok? that's what i don't understand. i have nothing against honesty in the abstract, but have such a huge problem with it tactically. anybody recommend a book on the subject?

thanks for taking the rant, i would probably write this to her but i've been summarily blocked across the board...

[degram]

oooo, I've had an interesting version of this, myself, over the last two months. Just FINALLY pulled my chutzpah out of my pussy and broke up with him the night before last. He was also very naive.

"why did i keep telling her it was all going to be ok? that's what i don't understand."

I did that, too, and am experiencing the same bewilderment. Jesus, I wish we could go out for pho, plumwine,and commisseration.

[leuschner]

you broke up on saturday? me too! we're breakup brothers! er, sisters. whatever. it's good to hear that i'm not the only one who screws up ;)

but really, i deeply appreciate the commiserations and i think the relief we feel is self-evident. to continue dutifully in these wobbly relationships on the off-chance that everything would make sense someday, that would have been REALLY screwing up. it shouldn't have been such an uphill struggle so early on. i should not have been on the line for all her well being from day one. bah. dating.

\toasts plum wine