two words and a couple more

[leuschner]

girlfriend        :(
if I can fall in and out of love within one lunar cycle, it kind of throws the whole "follow your heart" thing into question. indeed, i can't remember the last time that this hasn't backfired. it has been years since i was able to kiss anything without collateral damage. if i did the right thing, then why do i feel like a

Comments

[degram]

i'm empathizing SO hard right now.

[leuschner]

i feel tricked. i was blindsided by over-earnest love, i was the cockeyed starved cat and she was a dumptruck of delicious reeking fish! christ, the drama. i smelled trouble because she is one of those people who is too good for this world, brightly sincere and driven by a sense of obligation to the world, to make it a better place. naive. wounded. afraid of bars and loud food. she's not Leuschner compliant by any stretch and i could only hope to grow and sustain her horror with questionable antics or ironic airs. i thought it would balance me but i came to my senses, too late to avert catastrophe. if only she were a little more careless with life i might feel more comfortable, i might have trusted her with my heart. and that's where the break occurred, she trusted me too much. what an aweful thing to say. but she didn't trust me and collected promises for me to break. not promises so much as reassurances. why did i keep telling her it was all going to be ok? that's what i don't understand. i have nothing against honesty in the

[degram]

oooo, I've had an interesting version of this, myself, over the last two months. Just FINALLY pulled my chutzpah out of my pussy and broke up with him the night before last. He was also very naive.

"why did i keep telling her it was all going to be ok? that's what i don't understand."

I did that, too, and am experiencing the same bewilderment. Jesus, I wish we could go out for pho, plumwine,and commisseration.

[leuschner]

you broke up on saturday? me too! we're breakup brothers! er, sisters. whatever. it's good to hear that i'm not the only one who screws up ;)

but really, i deeply appreciate the commiserations and i think the relief we feel is self-evident. to continue dutifully in these wobbly relationships on the off-chance that everything would make sense someday, that would have been REALLY screwing up. it shouldn't have been such an uphill struggle so early on. i should not have been on the line for all her well being from day one. bah. dating.

\toasts plum wine

[suxdonut]

huggles, come over tonite if you wanna hang!

[leuschner]

maybe. i don't know what i want right now. restless. which means i'll probably come up the hill tonight. but i don't know. shit.

[suxdonut]

well nikkis coming by tonite for knitting/rockband so its practically a party! but i only have one shoulder left so you should call dibs now ^-^

you might want to delete her from your lj friend list...

[partidaria]

just a suggestion.

it's a bit more complex than that.

to be fair.

to be accurate.

to be honest.

Re: you might want to delete her from your lj friend list...

[leuschner]

it is certainly more complex than that, and for the record i feel like hell about all of this. unless you've changed your mind and want to talk, i can only respect your wishes and leave you alone, delete you from my lj friend list, deliver your box of stuff to your doorstep without knocking. and thus, i shut up now.

[arielbasom]

Maybe we should move to the moon.