Dear Maddie,
I’m angry. And I kind of don’t want to stop. If I stop, then I’ll just be sad. And angry feels better than sad. It's a tricky business, doing just enough to keep myself angry but not enough to do something I’ll regret.
Like obviously it would be ridiculous for me to pick my laptop up and hurl it across the room and scream at my sister to get the fuck out of my apartment and the fuck out of my life because all she does is fuck my shit up and think about herself. That would be ridiculous. And I would regret it. And part of me knows it’s not true. But the part of me that knows that is sort of heartbroken, so I’m bottling it up and shelving it with all the other things I don’t want to deal with.
I want to slam doors and hit things. I want to break something. Like that would keep me from breaking.
I need to be angry right now. But my throat is closing up and honestly all I want to do is get away from this.
Always,
M
Like obviously it would be ridiculous for me to pick my laptop up and hurl it across the room and scream at my sister to get the fuck out of my apartment and the fuck out of my life because all she does is fuck my shit up and think about herself. That would be ridiculous. And I would regret it. And part of me knows it’s not true. But the part of me that knows that is sort of heartbroken, so I’m bottling it up and shelving it with all the other things I don’t want to deal with.
I want to slam doors and hit things. I want to break something. Like that would keep me from breaking.
I need to be angry right now. But my throat is closing up and honestly all I want to do is get away from this.
Always,
M