(no subject)
Today has been hard for several reasons. Instead of welling on them I would like to start thinking about tomorrow, about Thanksgiving and the things I am thankful for in my life. A lot has changed over the last year, and I’ve reached many different milestones that I never thought I would or even could accomplish, so I’m letting myself look back at the wonderful things I’m surrounded with instead of watching Love Actually for the 100th time and crying myself to sleep.
I’m thankful for -
The opportunity to be back in school with the full support of my parents. The ability to only work part time so I can finish my program faster. A job that I don’t have to take home with me, that pays well enough that while living for my parents I can survive on so few hours and still manage to contribute to a savings account. I’m thankful for finding my niche, or at least the start of a niche - a profession I feel so comfortable in, that speaks to my quirky passions. I’m glad for the friends I’ve made through SLIS and the networking opportunities I have. I’m happy my classes are challenging, and that I feel actual joy when I get good feedback on projects, because it means I’m learning and I’m capable.
Traveling. Going new places with old friends. The same income mentioned above sometimes makes it hard to go all the places I want to go, and that paired with my schedule would have been enough to ground me at any other stage in my life. Now I look forward to the next adventure, the next airport or train station. The new people and unique food. I’m so lucky to have hit so many bucket list places this year. Traveling really helped me come into my own in a time when I was struggling. I’m forever grateful for the sense of self I gained while walking down unfamiliar streets.
My family and friends. I don’t know that I’ve ever been surrounded by such an amazing group of supportive people. I’m closer with my family than ever and I spend way more time with my parents and brother than I have since I was small. I am very lucky for all the time I get to spend with them. And for once I’m able to see my friends as wholly supportive. After a year of dealing with the fallouts of toxic relationships and years of manipulation I finally feel worthy - most of the time - of other people’s time and energy. That hasn’t always been easy, and I’m so incredibly lucky to have girls like Jasmyn and Amanda to go to whenever I’m in the middle of a breakdown. I would be so lost without my friends, and all the other things that have made this year so great would dim if I didn’t have people to share them with. I’m happy to have M, in whatever strange capacity that currently is. I’m so glad he’s still around, and this year would be so different if he hasn’t come into my life.
Big changes. It’s the theme of this past year. 365 days ago I thought that would mean loss. I was still grieving the loss of my gram. I had just started classes and wasn’t sure I was cut out for school. I was at the beginning of yet another diet and didn’t know success was possible. I didn’t think I was worth anyone’s attention because I’d spent most of my life being a supporter who didn’t get the benefit of hard days because someone else’s were always harder. I don’t recognize the girl I was last year. She wasn’t happy and she didn’t know how much could change if she just believed in herself and worked hard.
So I really don’t have much reason to dwell. School’s hard. Distance sucks. Life’s not always perfect, but the good certainly outweighs the bad now. I’m very lucky.
I’m thankful for -
The opportunity to be back in school with the full support of my parents. The ability to only work part time so I can finish my program faster. A job that I don’t have to take home with me, that pays well enough that while living for my parents I can survive on so few hours and still manage to contribute to a savings account. I’m thankful for finding my niche, or at least the start of a niche - a profession I feel so comfortable in, that speaks to my quirky passions. I’m glad for the friends I’ve made through SLIS and the networking opportunities I have. I’m happy my classes are challenging, and that I feel actual joy when I get good feedback on projects, because it means I’m learning and I’m capable.
Traveling. Going new places with old friends. The same income mentioned above sometimes makes it hard to go all the places I want to go, and that paired with my schedule would have been enough to ground me at any other stage in my life. Now I look forward to the next adventure, the next airport or train station. The new people and unique food. I’m so lucky to have hit so many bucket list places this year. Traveling really helped me come into my own in a time when I was struggling. I’m forever grateful for the sense of self I gained while walking down unfamiliar streets.
My family and friends. I don’t know that I’ve ever been surrounded by such an amazing group of supportive people. I’m closer with my family than ever and I spend way more time with my parents and brother than I have since I was small. I am very lucky for all the time I get to spend with them. And for once I’m able to see my friends as wholly supportive. After a year of dealing with the fallouts of toxic relationships and years of manipulation I finally feel worthy - most of the time - of other people’s time and energy. That hasn’t always been easy, and I’m so incredibly lucky to have girls like Jasmyn and Amanda to go to whenever I’m in the middle of a breakdown. I would be so lost without my friends, and all the other things that have made this year so great would dim if I didn’t have people to share them with. I’m happy to have M, in whatever strange capacity that currently is. I’m so glad he’s still around, and this year would be so different if he hasn’t come into my life.
Big changes. It’s the theme of this past year. 365 days ago I thought that would mean loss. I was still grieving the loss of my gram. I had just started classes and wasn’t sure I was cut out for school. I was at the beginning of yet another diet and didn’t know success was possible. I didn’t think I was worth anyone’s attention because I’d spent most of my life being a supporter who didn’t get the benefit of hard days because someone else’s were always harder. I don’t recognize the girl I was last year. She wasn’t happy and she didn’t know how much could change if she just believed in herself and worked hard.
So I really don’t have much reason to dwell. School’s hard. Distance sucks. Life’s not always perfect, but the good certainly outweighs the bad now. I’m very lucky.