(no subject)
Well, work today was FUCKING LAME. Emphasis on the "fucking lame."
Until about 4, my headache started to go away, and I basically just swept shit up.
We got a LOT done for the short amount of time we worked. But man it was a bitch. We had 190 square yards of carpet, weighing in at, I would guess, 3-5 pounds per square yard. Can you imagine trying to lift that? I can. It sucks ass.
Aside from that, my day was good.
After work I thought I'd splurge a whole bunch and go buy a digital camera. Spent a total of 250$'s, almost exactly. It's a Nikon Coolpix 4600... I'd show you a picture, but that's a stupid idea.
I took a few pictures, nothing special. Except I did take a special picture for Rachel, for her birthday, and put it up on a website. I'd show you, but that's for her to blackmail me with. As a gift, ya kno.
I also used the same site to conveinently host my novel, so all you buttplugs can read it.
Click here to read."
Formating is a bitch, so you shouldn't.
Went and saw The Transporter 2 with Adam. It was a good movie, but sooo ohhh sooo sooo sooo damn cheesey. Like, the guy hits a pile of boxes, flips his car, swipes by a crane and the crane lifts a bomb off the bottom of his car in midair right as the bomb explodes, then he lands it perfectly. Crazy shit dude.
Ate lasagna for dinner.
Yeah. So I jusstt don't know, what to dooo, with myself.... duhn duhn.
I want to pursue a relationship. With a girl... preferably. But I'm leaving in May, and I just don't know if it's worth it...
Also, I feel like... hmmm... You know how there's just an almost magical click you get with some people of the opposite sex? You feel like you connect? I don't connect with anyone. And I don't know why. I don't like anyone and no one likes me lol. I'm just like, in the middle zone, wondering if there is anyone out there for me. It's weird and uncomforting.
Haven't smoked weed today. Sober since... uhh... Monday night I think? And it feels like forever. Pitiful. SOMETIMES I get the urge to just go in my room and light up a fatty. But... it passes.
My stomach suddenly hurts and I need a shower worse then Little Richard.
Wait wait... I suddenly feel more ranting.
*lights ciggarette*
I feel like I have no originality. What makes me different from other people? TRUELY different? Nothing comes to mind and that dissapoints me.
I just... I feel like I'm lacking a solid identity, ya know? I just don't know alot about myself.
Things I DO know about myself.
I love music.
I want to find love, real love that can last forever, and until then I want to screw around with girls. But see, I don't even know if I beleive in everlasting love. And, as above mentioned, screwing around with girls is hard when you don't even like anyone.
I love my family and I will forever. That is the only kind of everlasting love I really really beleive in.
I sometimes feel a need for unneccacary acceptance, and I want to learn to remove that.
Sometimes I can get very angry, moreso lately than in a long time. When I become who I will forever be, I want that removed..
I can be really weird, and if I feel comfortable I usually am.
I just need to do some soul searching or whatever, and unfortunately for you guys I'm probably gonna do most of it on livejournal lol.
That's part of the reason I feel I need to stop smokin weed... My life, for the past several years, feels like a blur, and although there are somethings that being a pothead can teach you about yourself, it feels like, for the most part, a waste.
Bleh.
Considering the date, I'm doing good. I'm 4/5th's of the way up the hill, upon arrival to the top I will sit there for a few days, and be down by Christmas. By mid January, I will have a new perspective on life. I always do.
I sometimes wonder if it's all in my head. Well, obviously it is, but I wonder if it's just habit... something I could break. Is it something I would even want to break? When I'm sober it's not that bad. Just feels like an "Extreme Teenage Hormonally Imbalanced Try To Find Out Who You Are" special on FOX.
When I'm sober I'm actually quite good at controlling my emotions. With the exception of anger... But I think it's not that I'm overly angry when I'm sober, I'm just overly passive when I'm high.
I AMMM however... lol... much more easily aggitated when high. It just feels more dull... it feels more like I should just turn my head and bare it, "whatever," hold it in. But when I'm sober it feels intense. I have my fathers rage. But I am a better person, and smarter, and was raised better than he. Plus I don't go on drinking binges. So I shall overcome.
But shiiit, dude... They say it takes three months for the full positive effects of sobriety to take place. I've been sober three days and I'm about to have an epiphany and shout halejualahahja.
lol I'm seriously embarassed of everything I say in here, I speak so much of what's on my mind. I'm just so in the habit of it... I just know that I would never give out this much personal information to anyone in real life, let alone alot of people at once.
Whatever.
Okay, eat+shower+bed=now.
See you.
Until about 4, my headache started to go away, and I basically just swept shit up.
We got a LOT done for the short amount of time we worked. But man it was a bitch. We had 190 square yards of carpet, weighing in at, I would guess, 3-5 pounds per square yard. Can you imagine trying to lift that? I can. It sucks ass.
Aside from that, my day was good.
After work I thought I'd splurge a whole bunch and go buy a digital camera. Spent a total of 250$'s, almost exactly. It's a Nikon Coolpix 4600... I'd show you a picture, but that's a stupid idea.
I took a few pictures, nothing special. Except I did take a special picture for Rachel, for her birthday, and put it up on a website. I'd show you, but that's for her to blackmail me with. As a gift, ya kno.
I also used the same site to conveinently host my novel, so all you buttplugs can read it.
Click here to read."
Formating is a bitch, so you shouldn't.
Went and saw The Transporter 2 with Adam. It was a good movie, but sooo ohhh sooo sooo sooo damn cheesey. Like, the guy hits a pile of boxes, flips his car, swipes by a crane and the crane lifts a bomb off the bottom of his car in midair right as the bomb explodes, then he lands it perfectly. Crazy shit dude.
Ate lasagna for dinner.
Yeah. So I jusstt don't know, what to dooo, with myself.... duhn duhn.
I want to pursue a relationship. With a girl... preferably. But I'm leaving in May, and I just don't know if it's worth it...
Also, I feel like... hmmm... You know how there's just an almost magical click you get with some people of the opposite sex? You feel like you connect? I don't connect with anyone. And I don't know why. I don't like anyone and no one likes me lol. I'm just like, in the middle zone, wondering if there is anyone out there for me. It's weird and uncomforting.
Haven't smoked weed today. Sober since... uhh... Monday night I think? And it feels like forever. Pitiful. SOMETIMES I get the urge to just go in my room and light up a fatty. But... it passes.
My stomach suddenly hurts and I need a shower worse then Little Richard.
Wait wait... I suddenly feel more ranting.
*lights ciggarette*
I feel like I have no originality. What makes me different from other people? TRUELY different? Nothing comes to mind and that dissapoints me.
I just... I feel like I'm lacking a solid identity, ya know? I just don't know alot about myself.
Things I DO know about myself.
I love music.
I want to find love, real love that can last forever, and until then I want to screw around with girls. But see, I don't even know if I beleive in everlasting love. And, as above mentioned, screwing around with girls is hard when you don't even like anyone.
I love my family and I will forever. That is the only kind of everlasting love I really really beleive in.
I sometimes feel a need for unneccacary acceptance, and I want to learn to remove that.
Sometimes I can get very angry, moreso lately than in a long time. When I become who I will forever be, I want that removed..
I can be really weird, and if I feel comfortable I usually am.
I just need to do some soul searching or whatever, and unfortunately for you guys I'm probably gonna do most of it on livejournal lol.
That's part of the reason I feel I need to stop smokin weed... My life, for the past several years, feels like a blur, and although there are somethings that being a pothead can teach you about yourself, it feels like, for the most part, a waste.
Bleh.
Considering the date, I'm doing good. I'm 4/5th's of the way up the hill, upon arrival to the top I will sit there for a few days, and be down by Christmas. By mid January, I will have a new perspective on life. I always do.
I sometimes wonder if it's all in my head. Well, obviously it is, but I wonder if it's just habit... something I could break. Is it something I would even want to break? When I'm sober it's not that bad. Just feels like an "Extreme Teenage Hormonally Imbalanced Try To Find Out Who You Are" special on FOX.
When I'm sober I'm actually quite good at controlling my emotions. With the exception of anger... But I think it's not that I'm overly angry when I'm sober, I'm just overly passive when I'm high.
I AMMM however... lol... much more easily aggitated when high. It just feels more dull... it feels more like I should just turn my head and bare it, "whatever," hold it in. But when I'm sober it feels intense. I have my fathers rage. But I am a better person, and smarter, and was raised better than he. Plus I don't go on drinking binges. So I shall overcome.
But shiiit, dude... They say it takes three months for the full positive effects of sobriety to take place. I've been sober three days and I'm about to have an epiphany and shout halejualahahja.
lol I'm seriously embarassed of everything I say in here, I speak so much of what's on my mind. I'm just so in the habit of it... I just know that I would never give out this much personal information to anyone in real life, let alone alot of people at once.
Whatever.
Okay, eat+shower+bed=now.
See you.