Im naked and im far from home
so...
so...
I really have no clue as to what to write.
Im not in a very good mood, as usual. I don't know why I haven't been in a good mood lately. I think I'm just tired and irritable.
I have a tendency to do fucked up things that I typically wouldn't do just to hurt people's feelings if they slightly irritate me. (i.e. ---> a) I always feel bad afterwards, but it's like I can't really help myself. My hormones take over and while I'm doing it, even if I know at that very moment that its wrong and I shouldn't be doing that to someone I claim to love, I still do it. I just can't control myself in those moments. It's like my conscience is completely...ignored.
And I always apoligize, but for some reason I just cant seem to stop.
So I'm sorry, Aaron.
I guess that's just how I am.
Its not just Aaron, it all really kind of started with my mom. Whenever I used to g et mad at her, I would never let her get me food, or clothes, or whatever we happened to be doing at the moment. I can't seem to swallow my pride 90 % of the time. I would rather hurt intrapersonal relationships than actually admitt I was wrong. I mean, I guess that's everybody, but I actually do it. I actually hurt people just to get my point across, even if it isn't a valid point.
I'm just a bitch like that.
Literally, I'm a bitch.
Not literally literally, but you know what I mean.
Why am I so evil? Why can't i just be pleasent a majority of the time?
I want to be, and I try to but those moments come and they don't allow me to be a good, caring, human being.
Sigh.
I'm sorry everyone.
But anyway, on a lighter note, i pretty much learned my first song of the three I need to learn, and I have two short ones that I have already picked out for the other part of my repertoire. I know my scales pretty well, I just have to practice them. I have to work on my chords a little, and I have to kind of gather information on diatonic harmony.
We have no cat food.
Sorry, children.
Im tired of peple calling me for chicken. I'm not a butcher of any sort. I do not want to associate myself with selling chicken, I only eat it. It would be okay if people asked for chicken once a week, but every fucking day? Jeez, just leave me alone! (im not referring to anyone who actually reads this, Im just referring to the people, or person, who calls me three times a day for chicken). I do not deal chicken! Go find yourself a fucking butcher!
See? Im not a helpful person. I just sit there and ignore this person's calls (5 calls so far today) and scream at the phone while it sings *do your chain hang low*. I mean...I don't know. Not much self worth at the moment. I feel anti-human right now. Not anti immediate human..I mean, I love aaron, ken, moniqua, jesse, and everyone else who I immediately associate myself with, but annoying humans? FUCK! I HATE THEM!
My throat hurts, I have a yeast infection or something, and I dont have any chicken at the moment.
And this chicken situation is really bringing me down...I never ever in my life thought I would eat so much chicken. I'm such a chicken head. (no pun intended). I dont know what to think about this.
And there is the school issue, that has been bringing me down too. I just want to click a reset button sometimes, you know? Like tamgotchi's, they have that little reset button in the back that you ned to press with some kind of really thin object like a toothpick, i wish i had one of those. I dont think shoving a toothpick in my asshole is gonna reset anything, it would probably just be really gross and weird and I would probably cry.
If anyone ever finds a legit reset life button, please let me know.