Dismal
A small extract from my novel, 'Dismal'. I'm editing it and I keep finding parts I want to share!
"During the day, I try to avoid clocks. I hate the way that little hand just keeps moving even when it feels like time isn’t. It’s scary how it keeps ticking when the world is asleep. I cannot rest when I think about it. I feel a slight sense of guilt, because every second that passes is a moment of my life that I can never recover. Yet here I am, doing nothing…waiting, wasting.
I shut my eyes because I am so tired…tired of thinking and doubting. This whole world is such an exhausting place. Everyone is always struggling and working and trying so hard to find anything that makes sense. I don’t even know what I’m thinking about anymore. Maybe it’s the way that the music doesn’t work for me, and my job isn’t anything, and my brother hurts, and my friend hates his father, and people hardly ever smile with their eyes and Sevan does, and she’s not here right now. I’ll keep waiting though. She will come back. It’s only been a few days.
My eyes are so heavy and so are my thoughts.
I start to fall asleep, somehow. There’s such a huge build up of fatigue, and it seems to rush over me all of a sudden as I breathe in and out, lying on the ground where things used to be perfect. The sleep blankets everything in a layer of fog, even all of my thoughts manage to slow and fade. I don’t know how to fight it off, and I don’t really want to. For now, sleeping will be enough."
"During the day, I try to avoid clocks. I hate the way that little hand just keeps moving even when it feels like time isn’t. It’s scary how it keeps ticking when the world is asleep. I cannot rest when I think about it. I feel a slight sense of guilt, because every second that passes is a moment of my life that I can never recover. Yet here I am, doing nothing…waiting, wasting.
I shut my eyes because I am so tired…tired of thinking and doubting. This whole world is such an exhausting place. Everyone is always struggling and working and trying so hard to find anything that makes sense. I don’t even know what I’m thinking about anymore. Maybe it’s the way that the music doesn’t work for me, and my job isn’t anything, and my brother hurts, and my friend hates his father, and people hardly ever smile with their eyes and Sevan does, and she’s not here right now. I’ll keep waiting though. She will come back. It’s only been a few days.
My eyes are so heavy and so are my thoughts.
I start to fall asleep, somehow. There’s such a huge build up of fatigue, and it seems to rush over me all of a sudden as I breathe in and out, lying on the ground where things used to be perfect. The sleep blankets everything in a layer of fog, even all of my thoughts manage to slow and fade. I don’t know how to fight it off, and I don’t really want to. For now, sleeping will be enough."