(no subject)
Dear Dad,
I miss you so much.
There is so much I should have said and didn’t.
I should have rang when you were in hospital and I didn’t because I thought I’d see you when you got out.
I always did that thing where you challenge yourself, and think “How would I react if this happened?” you know. If I got cancer. If I killed myself. If my Dad died suddenly.
And I guess that’s why it’s so weird. I’m always challenging myself like that, always playing those stupid games. It’s hardly real, but it is real and I miss you so much.
Dear Dad,
I miss you so much.
How can someone die
A person
A whole fucking person die
And the whole world keeps on going
I just want to shout and scream and say “Don’t you see?! Don’t you FUCKING see?!” Hundreds of people are dying right this second and you’re worried about fucking exams hair job clothes being thin holidays drinking smoking partying magazines television facebook newspapers shoes tumblr… about these tiny insignificant things… fuck off.
Why can’t everyone just sit still for two seconds and think
Just really think
Is this what you want to look back on
Is this what you want to see when you think about what you’ve achieved
Or do you want to do something that actually means something?
Dear Dad,
I miss you so much.
It hurts.
I don’t know why I didn’t fucking call.
I thought I’d see you when you got out.
And then I couldn’t see you because you were dying and I was scared.
Come back come back come back come back come back
FUCK IT ALL
FUCK IT ALL TO HELL I HATE IT FUCK YOU
The stale taste of recycled air
I’ll think this a thousand times over and it still won’t mean a fucking thing
I’ll still do the shit I do now, and nothing will ever fucking change.
One last breath hangs in the air and quivers
One last breath
And no one even fucking notices
What the fuck is this
What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck
Please, no more
Please, NO more
Please, no FUCKING more.
Dear Dad,
I miss you so much.
Let’s just pretend I called you.
Let’s pretend I told you how much I loved you.
Let’s pretend I told you how amazing you were
How selfless
How compassionate
How you only wanted me to be happy.
Let’s just pretend you’re on holiday.
You’re on holiday in South France.
South France where it’s sunny and
You like it.
Dear Dad,
I miss you so much.
Please stop it
Please no more no more
This is horrible
Whoever it is whoever you are
Stop it now
Dear Dad,
I miss you so fucking much.
When are you getting back from South France?
I miss you so much.
There is so much I should have said and didn’t.
I should have rang when you were in hospital and I didn’t because I thought I’d see you when you got out.
I always did that thing where you challenge yourself, and think “How would I react if this happened?” you know. If I got cancer. If I killed myself. If my Dad died suddenly.
And I guess that’s why it’s so weird. I’m always challenging myself like that, always playing those stupid games. It’s hardly real, but it is real and I miss you so much.
Dear Dad,
I miss you so much.
How can someone die
A person
A whole fucking person die
And the whole world keeps on going
I just want to shout and scream and say “Don’t you see?! Don’t you FUCKING see?!” Hundreds of people are dying right this second and you’re worried about fucking exams hair job clothes being thin holidays drinking smoking partying magazines television facebook newspapers shoes tumblr… about these tiny insignificant things… fuck off.
Why can’t everyone just sit still for two seconds and think
Just really think
Is this what you want to look back on
Is this what you want to see when you think about what you’ve achieved
Or do you want to do something that actually means something?
Dear Dad,
I miss you so much.
It hurts.
I don’t know why I didn’t fucking call.
I thought I’d see you when you got out.
And then I couldn’t see you because you were dying and I was scared.
Come back come back come back come back come back
FUCK IT ALL
FUCK IT ALL TO HELL I HATE IT FUCK YOU
The stale taste of recycled air
I’ll think this a thousand times over and it still won’t mean a fucking thing
I’ll still do the shit I do now, and nothing will ever fucking change.
One last breath hangs in the air and quivers
One last breath
And no one even fucking notices
What the fuck is this
What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck
Please, no more
Please, NO more
Please, no FUCKING more.
Dear Dad,
I miss you so much.
Let’s just pretend I called you.
Let’s pretend I told you how much I loved you.
Let’s pretend I told you how amazing you were
How selfless
How compassionate
How you only wanted me to be happy.
Let’s just pretend you’re on holiday.
You’re on holiday in South France.
South France where it’s sunny and
You like it.
Dear Dad,
I miss you so much.
Please stop it
Please no more no more
This is horrible
Whoever it is whoever you are
Stop it now
Dear Dad,
I miss you so fucking much.
When are you getting back from South France?