mornings
There's this moment. And I've learned to keep my eyes closed in this moment. It's that moment when you just wake up and your brain hasn't registered everything that's happening in your life. This moment is most beneficial when you've experienced heartbreak. So for that moment in my life right now I have a clean slate, until I remember:
I have no job
I have no parents
I'm estranged from my brother
I can't give Nixon any kind of Christmas
If I do have to leave my apartment i don't know what I'll do with my pups
I have no car for now
I just filed to get food stamps
I don't have transportation to go file for the actual food stamps or SDI
I'm so utterly alone in all of it
It doesn't crash into me like it did a couple of weeks ago, it more just washes over me and at that point I guess I have a choice...I can choose that today will be a better day and progress will be made, I could finally finish unpacking/organizing my apartment or I can curl up under all of my blankets and watch netflix all day. I'm not going to lie, curling up and avoiding the world wins most days. I do look for jobs on my computer while I'm moping and feeling sorry for myself, but for the first time no one is calling me back. It's probably because of the holidays, no one really looking until the new year.
My sweet, sweet boy...he knows. He doesn't ask for anything and has actually told me that he didn't need anything for Christmas because he gets so much from Nana and his dad.
If I could just hold on to that moment...right when i wake up...with that beautiful blank slate.
I have no job
I have no parents
I'm estranged from my brother
I can't give Nixon any kind of Christmas
If I do have to leave my apartment i don't know what I'll do with my pups
I have no car for now
I just filed to get food stamps
I don't have transportation to go file for the actual food stamps or SDI
I'm so utterly alone in all of it
It doesn't crash into me like it did a couple of weeks ago, it more just washes over me and at that point I guess I have a choice...I can choose that today will be a better day and progress will be made, I could finally finish unpacking/organizing my apartment or I can curl up under all of my blankets and watch netflix all day. I'm not going to lie, curling up and avoiding the world wins most days. I do look for jobs on my computer while I'm moping and feeling sorry for myself, but for the first time no one is calling me back. It's probably because of the holidays, no one really looking until the new year.
My sweet, sweet boy...he knows. He doesn't ask for anything and has actually told me that he didn't need anything for Christmas because he gets so much from Nana and his dad.
If I could just hold on to that moment...right when i wake up...with that beautiful blank slate.