It's still here!

Dec 03, 2015 13:26

so i have bought many journals....beautiful, leather, rare paper journals...but it's not the same i guess. it takes commitment to keep a writing journal. and then i remembered...livejournal!

i think I always come back here when it's bad...I started it in 2000? 2001? Sholanda would know. a long enough ago that I use to have Sholanda make my user pics because I didn't know how.

Let's see...no job, car in shop because of car accident, people aren't hiring during the holidays. rent is due, deductible will be due shortly. I feel like I'm drowning...and the horrible thing is, I want to give in to it.

this year...God, this year..4th time trying to get a job, my mom died in May (that's an entirely different post) my dad a couple of years ago, my brother and I aren't speaking, my last living grandparent passed away, I lost a relationship that I thought was forever...but if anything I've learned this year, there is no forever. everyone always leaves in one way or another.

my friends are rallying..they are making sure I can get through each month until i find something and I think i've found something but I'm going to have put my pride aside, take a lesser position and less money to get money coming in. it's a position that will probably lead to more, but you know how that goes.

Nixon...the best thing to ever happen to me, realizes what is going on and all he does is try and make sure I'm ok. He's 11 now, 5'6, 160 lbs, size 10 men's shoes. He can look me in the eyes now, but i like it and I hate it. he is extraordinary...smart, witty, he got my sarcastic/somewhat mean sense of humor..good and bad. he has a new baby brother, new stepmom, new stepsister. and he has adapted like Nixon adapts.

I guess i just wanted to summarize wants happening, but i need this outlet, I need to write. I think writing is what will help. Even if no one reads it.
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