i can't snap out of it
this funk. it's true that i have a lot going on in my head, but the funk that i'm in seems a bit excessive. in the past, i would have completely eaten for comfort...eaten bad, bad things: cake, cookies, pastries...luckily, i fought the urge when it came over me last night. but now the opposite seems to be happening. i have no appetitie at all. it could very easily go the other way. i'm still having major cravings but i just wouldn't be able to live with the guilt that would flood over me afterwards. that's the other thing..i've done so well on this south beach diet. i've lost 20 pounds since the beginning of april but any cheating i do at all really brings me down. i mean, i should rationally know that if i have one cookie, i'm not going to gain 5 pounds but for some reason that's how i feel. don't get me wrong, i've done my fair share of cheating on this diet, and i haven't gained any weight back. i'm just obsessing right now. it's all probably because i can control this, my weight/eating, when there are so many other things in my life that i can't control. for instance:
we're thinking about moving back to oklahoma in a year or two. i don't won't to go back with every fiber of my being, but it's not making sense for us to stay here. it's too damn expensive and we could have so much more in oklahoma: a house, better schools, our own businesses. i just always said i would never go back. but our family is there, our oldest, dearest friends. bryan wants to hang around for a while and see what happens with the band, but other than that he's pretty set. he parents are getting on board with the idea too because of how much money there is to be made by selling the house. i just have a life here now, i have friends, and when we just up and decide to move i just wind up having to sacrifice so much. also, i would have to put off school until we move again. so much to think about.
on a lighter note...when i tell nixon "give me a kiss", he parts his little lips and leans towards me for a kiss. it just melts my heart. god i love him.
we're thinking about moving back to oklahoma in a year or two. i don't won't to go back with every fiber of my being, but it's not making sense for us to stay here. it's too damn expensive and we could have so much more in oklahoma: a house, better schools, our own businesses. i just always said i would never go back. but our family is there, our oldest, dearest friends. bryan wants to hang around for a while and see what happens with the band, but other than that he's pretty set. he parents are getting on board with the idea too because of how much money there is to be made by selling the house. i just have a life here now, i have friends, and when we just up and decide to move i just wind up having to sacrifice so much. also, i would have to put off school until we move again. so much to think about.
on a lighter note...when i tell nixon "give me a kiss", he parts his little lips and leans towards me for a kiss. it just melts my heart. god i love him.