It is done. (xposted)
::head tilt:: And by that, I mean that I called Dan, and we are done.
So I said I'd give him 'til Christmas. I'm impatient. ::shrugs lightly:: I called him today at around 11:15ish. Last night I did something I should not have done. I went into his email and checked when his work schedule was. I found out that the day I called him - Halloween - he had no work. I called him at noon. He did not call me back the entire day. It irked me to no end.
It made me somewhat sad, too, but more it irked me. I made the decision last night that I was going to call him today. So I did. Clone'll be surprised at this, heck, so will everyone... we talked for 58 minutes. That's nearly an hour! And believe it or not, no tear was shed. Not on either side.
At the very beginning of the conversation, I told him that I hadn't heard from him in so long that I started thinking stupid things. Yes, I was trying to get him to bite. He did. He asked "stupid things?" I told him, flat out, "I was wondering if we somehow broke up without my knowledge." His response said everything to me that I needed to hear, "Well... you left..."
Which meant yes. I left Pahrump, and so left him. And as much as we said we were going to work it out and stuff... that apparently wasn't the case. He asked me how I thought he felt. I told him, "Exactly as I thought you felt, but never told me." I was right. I was right the entire time, and he didn't want to hurt my feelings by confirming my thoughts. So we're done now. He and I are no longer a couple. It was a wonderful three years, somewhat rocky fourth.
One thing that is good, we're still friends. He said that it is nice to hear from me every now and again. I told him it's nice to hear from him, too... all he has to do is pick up the phone and call. Pretty sure he got the message, since he got somewhat defensive saying he had been busy, running around a lot and the like. ::shrugs lightly:: Truly, at that point, I could care less about his excuses. I am a friend, and friends don't have to be told nearly as many things as significant others. He had thought of me as a friend from the moment I left, I guess. That's fine.
After the first ten minutes, where I went blunt, we started talking just like friends again. We caught up on what all was happening in each other's lives... and everything like that. He told me his work schedule, and did not lie about it, either. I never told him I checked his email. I doubt he woulda cared, though.
It's kind of sad to think that I spent so long with him, and it is ending like this. We once spoke of family, and marriage. I'm the kind of person who believes you should marry your best friend, and you should always keep the family of your significant other in mind, as well. Why settle for those you hate, when you don't have to? Choices... it's all about choices.
He did not say, "I love you." when we were saying bye. Neither did I. I think that's best. I might still care for him, but the love of two lovers has changed to become a love of two friends. Dan is still a good guy. In his heart he is... but he's not for me. I can go into all his many faults, but that can turn me into not liking him at all. That... of all things... would be something I do not want. I might have lost my lover, but I did not lose my friend.
We will not be in touch as often as usual, as he is not a phone conversationalist, and he doesn't have internet but for at work and the job connect place. And strangely enough... I'm okay with that. There is one thing, though, that he has to make certain to keep in touch with me on. If he has to leave Pahrump - which neither of us want - then he has to tell me. I will get my kittens back... or at least one of them.
I can, by all rights, take both Caesar and Atilla. However, I still have a heart. Dan loves both of our babies. I know, however, that Atilla is a daddy's girl. I know she loves him so very much, and he loves her. He likes Caesar, too... but Caesar is my little boy. They chose us. And while I'm not yet certain I will break the two up, it's on my mind. I will, if nothing else, get my Caesar-man back. My puppy in kitty form.
And... random. People thought I was drinking vodka at the bowling alley yesterday. From a beer glass. While I was on my fourth glass. Of good ol' H-two-O. That would be water. I was amused. Highly amused.
. . .Heal and move on. . .
So I said I'd give him 'til Christmas. I'm impatient. ::shrugs lightly:: I called him today at around 11:15ish. Last night I did something I should not have done. I went into his email and checked when his work schedule was. I found out that the day I called him - Halloween - he had no work. I called him at noon. He did not call me back the entire day. It irked me to no end.
It made me somewhat sad, too, but more it irked me. I made the decision last night that I was going to call him today. So I did. Clone'll be surprised at this, heck, so will everyone... we talked for 58 minutes. That's nearly an hour! And believe it or not, no tear was shed. Not on either side.
At the very beginning of the conversation, I told him that I hadn't heard from him in so long that I started thinking stupid things. Yes, I was trying to get him to bite. He did. He asked "stupid things?" I told him, flat out, "I was wondering if we somehow broke up without my knowledge." His response said everything to me that I needed to hear, "Well... you left..."
Which meant yes. I left Pahrump, and so left him. And as much as we said we were going to work it out and stuff... that apparently wasn't the case. He asked me how I thought he felt. I told him, "Exactly as I thought you felt, but never told me." I was right. I was right the entire time, and he didn't want to hurt my feelings by confirming my thoughts. So we're done now. He and I are no longer a couple. It was a wonderful three years, somewhat rocky fourth.
One thing that is good, we're still friends. He said that it is nice to hear from me every now and again. I told him it's nice to hear from him, too... all he has to do is pick up the phone and call. Pretty sure he got the message, since he got somewhat defensive saying he had been busy, running around a lot and the like. ::shrugs lightly:: Truly, at that point, I could care less about his excuses. I am a friend, and friends don't have to be told nearly as many things as significant others. He had thought of me as a friend from the moment I left, I guess. That's fine.
After the first ten minutes, where I went blunt, we started talking just like friends again. We caught up on what all was happening in each other's lives... and everything like that. He told me his work schedule, and did not lie about it, either. I never told him I checked his email. I doubt he woulda cared, though.
It's kind of sad to think that I spent so long with him, and it is ending like this. We once spoke of family, and marriage. I'm the kind of person who believes you should marry your best friend, and you should always keep the family of your significant other in mind, as well. Why settle for those you hate, when you don't have to? Choices... it's all about choices.
He did not say, "I love you." when we were saying bye. Neither did I. I think that's best. I might still care for him, but the love of two lovers has changed to become a love of two friends. Dan is still a good guy. In his heart he is... but he's not for me. I can go into all his many faults, but that can turn me into not liking him at all. That... of all things... would be something I do not want. I might have lost my lover, but I did not lose my friend.
We will not be in touch as often as usual, as he is not a phone conversationalist, and he doesn't have internet but for at work and the job connect place. And strangely enough... I'm okay with that. There is one thing, though, that he has to make certain to keep in touch with me on. If he has to leave Pahrump - which neither of us want - then he has to tell me. I will get my kittens back... or at least one of them.
I can, by all rights, take both Caesar and Atilla. However, I still have a heart. Dan loves both of our babies. I know, however, that Atilla is a daddy's girl. I know she loves him so very much, and he loves her. He likes Caesar, too... but Caesar is my little boy. They chose us. And while I'm not yet certain I will break the two up, it's on my mind. I will, if nothing else, get my Caesar-man back. My puppy in kitty form.
And... random. People thought I was drinking vodka at the bowling alley yesterday. From a beer glass. While I was on my fourth glass. Of good ol' H-two-O. That would be water. I was amused. Highly amused.
. . .Heal and move on. . .