Straight girls who aren't so straight after all
I just need to get this out of my head and into writing...
I met her in micro lab. She immediately seemed cool to me. Like someone I could get along with. She was super cute and I decided that I would switch tables next time so I could get to know her more.
We found out were in the same lecture for microbiology too. We quickly exchanged numbers and made plans to get together and study. I assumed she was straight, but was happy at the prospect of a cool and reasonable new school friend.
Soon we began texting about things that weren't related to school. We started getting to know on another, she became more and more intrigued by me. I was flattered and also intrigued. We had a lot in common, and an uncanny connection.
She invited me over to study, and I went over. I met her boyfriend and her dogs. I was immediately drawn in by the energy in her house. It felt good there. I felt safe and... something more.
We didn't do a lot of studying that time. We really just hung out played fuse ball, drank, went on a walk to the beach at sunset...
As soon as I left her house that evening, she texted me to ask when I was coming over again. I made plans to go over again, but this time I asked to spent the night (her house is a bit of a commute from mine)
I was nervous, but I also came out to her at this point... it was a non issue...
This time, we did study a little bit. Then we went on a walk to the beach and she started in with the personal questions again. This time they were about my sexuality. How did I know, had I ever been with a guy, what kind of women I was attracted to... look at how romantic the stars are tonight at the beach...
Up until then, there were little things that made me wonder whether or not she was solid in her orientation. Even though I still had her categorized as unavailable. Still, the way she would look at me, or respond to me.. it wasn't like any typical straight girl... it was on the walk home that she really threw me for a loop.
She told me that she was intrigued by me... that I needed keep my physical distance from her and avoid eye contact so that she wouldn't get confused.... that her heart was doing some crazy things... also that she had been with a woman before, liked it, but didn't like the complicated and trying nature of the gay lifestyle.
It was at this time that I got stupid. I let myself give into my feelings for her. I opened up a little bit. I was intrigued, she was giving me attention and it felt nice.
She wanted to hang with me again. We established that is was unusual that we felt so drawn to each other, but decided to just roll with it. She said she wanted to see me drunk. I told her shots was the best way to accomplish that, but that my self control wouldn't be as good.
The next time I went over there, she had a drink waiting for me when I arrived. Then fed me shot after shot. We tried to study...but she kept inching closer and closer to me on the couch and I became touchy feely (as I do when I am drunk)
Eventually we kissed. Then we snuggled on the couch. It seemed to me that she didn't want to leave or stop... but eventually she did.
She still texts me when she wakes up, and all day through out the day. She says that the kiss was amazing, but confusing and she cant focus on it. That we should channel all our energies into doing well in class.
Tomorrow is the first day I will see her since the kiss.
I know I am silly, I know it was foolish to entertain thoughts of anything with a straight girl. Let alone a straight girl in a relationship. Its just that this girl is the epitome of what I want in a woman, except for two things. I would like for her to be gay and available....
Now I have to re-frame my easily excited brain. Which I can do, just fine... but it kinda breaks my heart a little... and THAT makes me super frustrated with myself.
I don't think she is straight... I also don't think she is going to interrupt her life for me.... Silly silly girl I am
I met her in micro lab. She immediately seemed cool to me. Like someone I could get along with. She was super cute and I decided that I would switch tables next time so I could get to know her more.
We found out were in the same lecture for microbiology too. We quickly exchanged numbers and made plans to get together and study. I assumed she was straight, but was happy at the prospect of a cool and reasonable new school friend.
Soon we began texting about things that weren't related to school. We started getting to know on another, she became more and more intrigued by me. I was flattered and also intrigued. We had a lot in common, and an uncanny connection.
She invited me over to study, and I went over. I met her boyfriend and her dogs. I was immediately drawn in by the energy in her house. It felt good there. I felt safe and... something more.
We didn't do a lot of studying that time. We really just hung out played fuse ball, drank, went on a walk to the beach at sunset...
As soon as I left her house that evening, she texted me to ask when I was coming over again. I made plans to go over again, but this time I asked to spent the night (her house is a bit of a commute from mine)
I was nervous, but I also came out to her at this point... it was a non issue...
This time, we did study a little bit. Then we went on a walk to the beach and she started in with the personal questions again. This time they were about my sexuality. How did I know, had I ever been with a guy, what kind of women I was attracted to... look at how romantic the stars are tonight at the beach...
Up until then, there were little things that made me wonder whether or not she was solid in her orientation. Even though I still had her categorized as unavailable. Still, the way she would look at me, or respond to me.. it wasn't like any typical straight girl... it was on the walk home that she really threw me for a loop.
She told me that she was intrigued by me... that I needed keep my physical distance from her and avoid eye contact so that she wouldn't get confused.... that her heart was doing some crazy things... also that she had been with a woman before, liked it, but didn't like the complicated and trying nature of the gay lifestyle.
It was at this time that I got stupid. I let myself give into my feelings for her. I opened up a little bit. I was intrigued, she was giving me attention and it felt nice.
She wanted to hang with me again. We established that is was unusual that we felt so drawn to each other, but decided to just roll with it. She said she wanted to see me drunk. I told her shots was the best way to accomplish that, but that my self control wouldn't be as good.
The next time I went over there, she had a drink waiting for me when I arrived. Then fed me shot after shot. We tried to study...but she kept inching closer and closer to me on the couch and I became touchy feely (as I do when I am drunk)
Eventually we kissed. Then we snuggled on the couch. It seemed to me that she didn't want to leave or stop... but eventually she did.
She still texts me when she wakes up, and all day through out the day. She says that the kiss was amazing, but confusing and she cant focus on it. That we should channel all our energies into doing well in class.
Tomorrow is the first day I will see her since the kiss.
I know I am silly, I know it was foolish to entertain thoughts of anything with a straight girl. Let alone a straight girl in a relationship. Its just that this girl is the epitome of what I want in a woman, except for two things. I would like for her to be gay and available....
Now I have to re-frame my easily excited brain. Which I can do, just fine... but it kinda breaks my heart a little... and THAT makes me super frustrated with myself.
I don't think she is straight... I also don't think she is going to interrupt her life for me.... Silly silly girl I am