Gender words
My mom pointed out recently that women of her generation are frequently annoyed by applying the word "girl" to women my age (who, at least me and some of my friends, apply it to ourselves). I thought about it for a while because I'm certainly not consciously trying to objectify women or anything with my gender words. I said that having trans friends actually informed my gender word politics more than feminism. I don't feel like I'm backsliding.
So here's the thing. "Girl" and "boy" are assigned gender statuses. You get them at birth because someone else looks between your legs and sticks them on you. ("Guy" is a little different and there should be a feminine equivalent, but whatever.) Girls and boys are potential girlfriends and boyfriends. They're gender defaults that you're expected to stop being at some point. I therefore apply them not just to people who are chronologically young, but also to people who are sort of lost life-wise, or who don't particularly want their gender and are just using the factory setting.
"Man" and "woman" are EARNED statuses in my book. I will use them for strangers as a sign of respect, but among my friends, you have to decide to grow up before you get one of those. You have to CHOOSE to be a man or a woman. If you're just going through the motions, you have to do it a long time before I figure you're worthy of one of those words. There has to be at least some internal component to those. I expect them to be internalized as identities in a way I don't demand of boys and girls. Really, I expect "real men" and "real women" to take care of themselves and others. I admit that this version is probably influenced by the sexual meanings of "real man" and "real woman." However, I'm not sure that's a bad thing (well, the influence; using sexual experience or marriage(!) as a gender criterion has some flaws).
So here's the thing. "Girl" and "boy" are assigned gender statuses. You get them at birth because someone else looks between your legs and sticks them on you. ("Guy" is a little different and there should be a feminine equivalent, but whatever.) Girls and boys are potential girlfriends and boyfriends. They're gender defaults that you're expected to stop being at some point. I therefore apply them not just to people who are chronologically young, but also to people who are sort of lost life-wise, or who don't particularly want their gender and are just using the factory setting.
"Man" and "woman" are EARNED statuses in my book. I will use them for strangers as a sign of respect, but among my friends, you have to decide to grow up before you get one of those. You have to CHOOSE to be a man or a woman. If you're just going through the motions, you have to do it a long time before I figure you're worthy of one of those words. There has to be at least some internal component to those. I expect them to be internalized as identities in a way I don't demand of boys and girls. Really, I expect "real men" and "real women" to take care of themselves and others. I admit that this version is probably influenced by the sexual meanings of "real man" and "real woman." However, I'm not sure that's a bad thing (well, the influence; using sexual experience or marriage(!) as a gender criterion has some flaws).