(no subject)
i didnt go to school today.
i might be sick
but i doubt it
i threw up last night but i dont think its because i'm sick
i think it was stress/depression
too much on my plate i guess
i dont have any energy anymore
i know whats wrong with me
but nobody thinks meds are the right way to go
i do.
whatever helps me from feeling like this.
i dont care if i'm on them for the rest of my life
i dont care
everybody wants me to get better "naturally"
and they think i can work everything out w/o resorting to them
but who the hell cares if i'm not getting better the "natural way"
im still getting better arent i?
fuck it.
they only care about themselves anyway.
the only way anyone of my parents would do anything for me was if it makes them look better or if they're getting something out of it
and when they fuck up.
of course its not their faults...theres always SOME logical explanation to why they fucked up everything and its MY FAULT.
last weekend my dad bought me new clothes.
i appreciated it so much that i cried because i didnt think i could ever show him how much it meant to me.
i appreciate my mom taking me to AG every week.
i really do.
but when they go on and on about how they do so much for me and use the things they do for me to get back at one another i dont appreciate it so much anymore because its not from the heart.
its selfish
they do things for themselves
i'm so sick of my mom.
i swear she hates me.
she talks about me to her friends and boyfriend when i'm in the next room and i can hear.
she uses my psychotherapy as a way to get stuff from me
"i do so much for you taking you to counseling every week and you never do anything for me"
she asks too much of me
i cant do all this
i'm trying to fix MYSELF!
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
i might be sick
but i doubt it
i threw up last night but i dont think its because i'm sick
i think it was stress/depression
too much on my plate i guess
i dont have any energy anymore
i know whats wrong with me
but nobody thinks meds are the right way to go
i do.
whatever helps me from feeling like this.
i dont care if i'm on them for the rest of my life
i dont care
everybody wants me to get better "naturally"
and they think i can work everything out w/o resorting to them
but who the hell cares if i'm not getting better the "natural way"
im still getting better arent i?
fuck it.
they only care about themselves anyway.
the only way anyone of my parents would do anything for me was if it makes them look better or if they're getting something out of it
and when they fuck up.
of course its not their faults...theres always SOME logical explanation to why they fucked up everything and its MY FAULT.
last weekend my dad bought me new clothes.
i appreciated it so much that i cried because i didnt think i could ever show him how much it meant to me.
i appreciate my mom taking me to AG every week.
i really do.
but when they go on and on about how they do so much for me and use the things they do for me to get back at one another i dont appreciate it so much anymore because its not from the heart.
its selfish
they do things for themselves
i'm so sick of my mom.
i swear she hates me.
she talks about me to her friends and boyfriend when i'm in the next room and i can hear.
she uses my psychotherapy as a way to get stuff from me
"i do so much for you taking you to counseling every week and you never do anything for me"
she asks too much of me
i cant do all this
i'm trying to fix MYSELF!
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you