sorry it's been so long again
Hullo again..
I apologize for the length of time between posts. It's just so damn easy to update facebook with little posts here and there, and feel that conveys a lot of info. I post photos there too.. so it's like I say a thousand words with each one. ;)
One of the monumental things that has happened within the last few months is John apologizing to me. For those who remember.. John was my boyfriend from December 2005 to April 2007. There were a lot of ups and downs, and a lot of turbulence built up toward the end. We were really just not suited for one another and I think we had a hard time letting go of the relationship. Sometimes it's scary to be alone, and hard to go there even when being with someone is harder.
Back in January of 2009 I had a weird dream about John. You can read that post here.. Well, against most odds, it happened. We have a tentative friendship thru facebook, chatting and whatnot. He's still funny and I felt a great weight lifted from my heart, that I almost hadn't realized I was carrying.
The conversation was pretty simple to start with. I came back from a 15 minute break at work and found this:
"hey there, you hereWell perhaps, but anyway i wanted to apologize for a few years ago, We both hurt each other, and i know I shut down and was hard to deal with. So I wanted to apologize for being a douche nozzle back then and such
just figured you would want to know, you didnt deserve all of the turmoil (some of it sure), but not all of itthat is all i wanted to say, have a happy"
I was super surprised!! Needless to say, I responded:
"I am at work.. so delayed responses..
I apologize too..there were lots of things I didn't deal with well either. .. I appreciate hearing from you"
The conversation continued with random chitchat and nonsense, but it was a nice feeling to be communicating again. I asked him how life was out in Colorado, and how being married was treating him. I have seen photos of his wife, and she is beautiful. He looks super happy in his pictures on facebook and I have always tried to make sure no matter how bad I was feeling about something, I didn't badwish him. Nobody deserves to have negative energy deliberately thrust at them, and no matter if it was coming at me, I wanted to be bigger than those feelings... for myself. I am pretty happy with my current relationship. And I can't help but feel it sorta paid off. Being a nice, mature individual has eventually come around to a surprise apology from an unlikely source, and a possible rekindling of a friendship (which may be where we should have stayed the whole time, rather than having a romantic relationship).
I learned a lot from the whole experience, and continue to learn about myself no matter what, and this makes me feel pretty good. :)
I apologize for the length of time between posts. It's just so damn easy to update facebook with little posts here and there, and feel that conveys a lot of info. I post photos there too.. so it's like I say a thousand words with each one. ;)
One of the monumental things that has happened within the last few months is John apologizing to me. For those who remember.. John was my boyfriend from December 2005 to April 2007. There were a lot of ups and downs, and a lot of turbulence built up toward the end. We were really just not suited for one another and I think we had a hard time letting go of the relationship. Sometimes it's scary to be alone, and hard to go there even when being with someone is harder.
Back in January of 2009 I had a weird dream about John. You can read that post here.. Well, against most odds, it happened. We have a tentative friendship thru facebook, chatting and whatnot. He's still funny and I felt a great weight lifted from my heart, that I almost hadn't realized I was carrying.
The conversation was pretty simple to start with. I came back from a 15 minute break at work and found this:
"hey there, you hereWell perhaps, but anyway i wanted to apologize for a few years ago, We both hurt each other, and i know I shut down and was hard to deal with. So I wanted to apologize for being a douche nozzle back then and such
just figured you would want to know, you didnt deserve all of the turmoil (some of it sure), but not all of itthat is all i wanted to say, have a happy"
I was super surprised!! Needless to say, I responded:
"I am at work.. so delayed responses..
I apologize too..there were lots of things I didn't deal with well either. .. I appreciate hearing from you"
The conversation continued with random chitchat and nonsense, but it was a nice feeling to be communicating again. I asked him how life was out in Colorado, and how being married was treating him. I have seen photos of his wife, and she is beautiful. He looks super happy in his pictures on facebook and I have always tried to make sure no matter how bad I was feeling about something, I didn't badwish him. Nobody deserves to have negative energy deliberately thrust at them, and no matter if it was coming at me, I wanted to be bigger than those feelings... for myself. I am pretty happy with my current relationship. And I can't help but feel it sorta paid off. Being a nice, mature individual has eventually come around to a surprise apology from an unlikely source, and a possible rekindling of a friendship (which may be where we should have stayed the whole time, rather than having a romantic relationship).
I learned a lot from the whole experience, and continue to learn about myself no matter what, and this makes me feel pretty good. :)